What are the Signs...

**xjadedx** · 06-02-09, 08:32 AM

That a guy may be 'stringing' you along?

Thanks all

**Cain** · 06-02-09, 08:49 AM

It might be easier for you to just say what he's doing that you suspect is stringing you along.

**xjadedx** · 06-02-09, 08:58 AM

I suspect he may not be into me, as he would have me believe. That he's awaiting something better coming along, but stringing me along meantime.

Never a day goes by without him calling or texting me and it's been that way for a year (we are long distance, 2 hours apart)....but we have only met once and 3 months ago. He claims to want to see me again, can't wait to see me again, he misses me....but he appears to be putting little effort, in coming back...

**Cain** · 06-02-09, 09:03 AM

If he really liked you, really missed you, and really wanted to see you again, then two hours isn't enough to stop him from seeing you in three months.

**xjadedx** · 06-02-09, 09:10 AM

Yeah my exact thoughts. However he says that money is a problem for him. He did lose his job recently that I know to be true, but still I feel it is all an excuse. He'd get here if he was that desperate to see me.
I've offered to go there, but he puts me off and because we'd have no place to stay. He lives with a member of his family, so he says.

**starbuck** · 06-02-09, 09:11 AM

Yes, he's stringing you along. Calling and texting is an easy way to get in touch with you with minimal effort on his part. After a year, he should be making much more of an effort to see you in person.

How can this relationship be satisfying for you?

**Cain** · 06-02-09, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by xjadedx

Yeah my exact thoughts. However he says that money is a problem for him. He did lose his job recently that I know to be true, but still I feel it is all an excuse. He'd get here if he was that desperate to see me.
I've offered to go there, but he puts me off and because we'd have no place to stay. He lives with a member of his family, so he says.

He's not as interested as he claims. If he was, you would have seen him within the past three months.

**xjadedx** · 06-02-09, 09:15 AM

It isn't satisfying for me, which is why I've now decided to just cut him off and am now ignoring all of his contact....

I'm unsure why he can't come clean and just be honest with me. If he isn't interested, then just tell me, rather than lead me into and having me believe differently.

**starbuck** · 06-02-09, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by xjadedx

It isn't satisfying for me, which is why I've now decided to just cut him off and am now ignoring all of his contact....

I'm unsure why he can't come clean and just be honest with me. If he isn't interested, then just tell me, rather than lead me into and having me believe differently.

Probably because attention from you feeds his fragile ego. Stringers are usually intensely insecure and don't want to lose out on the attention they crave.

His dodging the issue of you coming to visit him is a HUGE red flag. I'd be worried about a wife lurking around around somewhere. This guy sounds like he's lying through his teeth.

I think your decision is a good one. Cut him off, delete his number, and go find a guy who's worthy of you, girl.

**xjadedx** · 06-02-09, 09:26 AM

The thoughts he could be married have crossed my mind also. He reckons he was married, but is divorced...

Another reason why I think he's merely stringing me along, is because he frequents a dating site. Says he chats to friends....but c'mon. There is only one reason why people frequent dating sites!! He probably has a few women, nursing his fragile ego...

**IndiReloaded** · 06-02-09, 10:49 AM

Guys who are into you will make an effort to contact & communicate with you. Its not THAT hard to see someone. Ppl forego things like eating out, coffees, take public transport, all sorts of things so they can visit their beloved. Sorry, but this guy just isn't all that into you. Move on and find a guy who is.

**lesa** · 06-02-09, 11:15 AM

Yes he is stringing you along. If he was really into you two hours would be nothing. I wish my guy was two hours away.

**xjadedx** · 06-02-09, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded

Guys who are into you will make an effort to contact & communicate with you.

But he is making an effort to contact and communicate...he CALLS every day, is that not contacting and communicating? Our calls are over an hour long and each time. He is the initiator of ALL communication...and always has been.

When he calls, he always sounds really pleased to hear me. I can tell by the tone of his voice, the things that he says, that he does genuinely like me. He takes an interest in all aspects of my life from how my day has been, to my work, to my child, my interests and hobbies, my past, my present and my future....this aint a guy who spends his time sweet talking me.

The problem is, is that he is NOT making a great lot of effort to actually come and see me....and this is where it gets confusing for me.

I could understand it more, if he was calling infrequently, as in once a week or less and combined with the fact he was making no effort to come and see me....that would 100% scream at me 'NOT INTERESTED'. But the fact he's calling and not a day goes by where he doesn't get in touch, tells me that he does like me, he does care....
Guys 100% not interested, don't even make any effort to contact regular, let alone daily either.

I've actually mentioned all this to him and he says that if he had no intentions of seeing me again, if he had no interest, he wouldn't call me at all. Like I said, he blames the money situation and I do know that financially he is at rock bottom...he lost his job. He says that when he gets back to work/if he was still working, he'd have been coming to see me at least once a week

As for meeting for a coffee, a walk, eating out....IMPOSSIBLE. The guy is two hours away. Two hours is a long way to travel, for a simple coffee, or to go for a meal....if only it were that simple.

Now I aint defending the guy and do still have doubts despite what he says and all I've said above. It's been 3 months....I'm sure he could have found money from someplace, was he 'that' keen...I know I would have to go and see a guy I was into anyway.

**Gigabitch** · 06-02-09, 11:55 PM

Originally Posted by xjadedx

I've offered to go there, but he puts me off and because we'd have no place to stay. He lives with a member of his family, so he says.

Well, a wife would be a "member of the family". I think you should investigate further.

**xjadedx** · 07-02-09, 12:45 AM

The member of his family, is his sister...he lives with her apparantly and since splitting with his wife, some time ago.

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