Bad at conversation

[BigQid]

I am a good looking nerd. I come off as arrogant because I am tall and handsome and from a good background, but it is just that I don't have anything to say. Basically I can talk about money, politics, philosophy, basketball, football, and myself. When people talk I am usually trying to solve the problem that they are presenting to me rather than doing whatever it is that normal people do. I need a construct to be able to carry on conversations better. My main reason right now is that I just broke up with my girlfriend and I am pretty sure that the reason is that she didn't like talking to me. I want her back. Since we have been broken up, she doesn't really talk to me as much, she just calls me up for sex every now and again. I want more with her, but I don't know how to give her all that she needs. Oh, I guess and other people too just in case the me and her thing don't work out.

[vashti]

In reading the list of things you CAN talk about, I see that relationships are not listed. (I don't mean other peoples, but rather YOURS.) Girls like to talk about that.

However, it is possible conversation was difficult because you really weren't that great of a match. Have you considered that? I think your missing her is minimizing this possibility.

[BigQid]

OK, and relationships. I mean BS. There is a certain mindless conversation that bores me, but most people engage in. Relationships is usually not an opener. I am very good at talking about relationships but I usually play peacemaker so you can only have so many conversations about how your relationship is fine.

[vashti]

I want more with her, but I don't know how to give her all that she needs.

OK, and relationships. I mean BS. There is a certain mindless conversation that bores me, but most people engage in.

You probably are going to have to decide which is more important to you: avoiding "mindless conversations", or giving her what she needs. Some people might consider these "mindless conversations" to be "intimacy".

Another solution would be finding a girl that isn't so difficult for you to converse with. but yeah - she may eventually want to talk about your relationship, too.

[carl1222]

You're boring! You are closed to any conversation beyond your narrow scope of interest. The only reason she wants to talk to you now is because she wants to get laid and there is minimal conversation involved. That should tell you something.

You want a construct? Open your freaking mind! Be whimsical ... be interesting ... be exciting ... be unpredictable ... be romantic. Your favorite topics are better articulated on CNN!

You are all scientific and not artistic. Make a picnic, take a ride in the country. Listen to the birds and smell the flowers, bake a loaf of bread from scratch. Listen instead of talking ... you are not the only one with important things to say. Then react ... not to plan your "brilliant" response but to show empathy, poise and INTEREST. If you aren't interested in what's important to her, why should she be interested in what's important to you?

If you want to live in your own narrow world, then it's better you should live alone.

Carl.

[BigQid]

In quotes I see how you may have missed the second line. I meant that I can talk about our relationship. She talks about things like the fact that there are old names that sound like new names, like David or Sarah, and there are new names like hers let's say Mercedes, and there are old names that sound really old like Brenda or Harold. This is what her and her friends talk about. That was what I meant my mindless BS being my problem. When I talk, I have a point. When I listen I am trying to solve a problem. My mind might be too linear or maybe growing up my friends were too serious.
By the way is Vashti a girl?
I was more hoping I could get some tips on topics of conversation outside of the serious stuff I like to talk about. When I first started college, I went to a school where the average SAT was 1450. Everybody I knew was smart and wanted to change the world. The school I go to now, everybody goes to class and parties, but I don't know any world changers, just people trying to get rich. So in a sense I am square peg in a round hole.
And yes Carl, I know that I am boring that is why I came to the message board for help. I am playing to my strengths. I am scientific. There is something that I don't understand, that I am not doing right. Sometimes people can point the error in my ways, and I correct. I do listen, and I did take her to new places. Honestly, I probably need more help with talking to other people who want to talk about nothing important.

[purple]

Hmm, it seems to me you don't like making mindless smalltalk. That's fine. If you usually play peacemaker then it sounds like you remain neutral=less opinionated=dull. Join a book club, go to a discussion group, find something you're passionate about it and go with it. You sound like you'd do well at those bar trivia nights. I'm sure you'll find some other world changers out there.

=P

[kopilaber]

I'm not a conversation master...But, I don't about all the topics you just presented...

Here's what I do...

While you are talking to someone, let them talk... Then, just try to feel what they know. And if you really don't know about the topic, be enthusiastic about what they know.

Just try it...

[geico101]

I am not sure what your age group is, but making fun of things works for me. I think a good example would be watching stand up comedies. They can basically talk about nothing and makes it entertaining. I know it can get really racist or discriminating, but just know your limit. I know your a intelligent person, but sometimes, the most intelligent person can lack the most common sense. Don't try to analysis everything. Just go with the flow.

[LoveHurts09]

gossip! lol, how can every1 have missed the schools main chat?
find out about other people and gossip with her.

try talking about celebrities, try talking about parties... if u can't find much in ur life to talk about just ask her brief but leading questions about this "mindless" stuff... like "have u heard any crazy rumours lately?" or something equally easy to think up.

also u should try flirting and joking.

....be something different, be that guy that fills the gap in her life.

However, it is possible conversation was difficult because you really weren't that great of a match

i'm no talker either and i have a LDR with a girl who talks maybe just as little as me but i know i love her completely and we still spend as much time as we can together... just because we don't find "useless BS" convo's easy doesn't mean we don't care... not every1 finds conversation natural.

[vashti]

Conversation with your significant other SHOULD be natural. If it isn't, there is a problem.

I don't know if BigQid is coming back or not, but just in case - the stuff girls talk about is not necessarily the kind of things men should talk about with women, unless you are gay. Women don't expect men to act like their girlfriends.