Can you break up with somebody while you still in Love with them?

[alohalight]

Hello, People.

I would like to get your opinions and your advice on this situation of mine.

I have fallen for this guy. We've been dating for 6 months. It started wonderful: beautiful romance, intense chemistry and courtship and a LOT of PASSION. He really courted me and seems to try to win my heart. .

[Cbrider]

Yes it is possible to break up with someone you love, I had to do it. I'll check back later, I have to run so I can't make a well written post atm, lol.

[ladiesman247]

yes u can definatly break up with someone u are in love with. i did about 4 months ago and it was well crappy (she broke up with me) i dont think you could break up mutually if u were in love tho it will always be one dumping the other never mutual. if u were proper in love u wudnt be able to do it mutually.

[Indignant]

and why would you want to do that?

[The_bobb]

I agree, you can break up with someone you still love... If it's for the better... You KNOW it's not going to work out. They want kids married life, move to Iowa, retire to florida... But you don't, you live to work and you work to live, screw retirement, Kids hate you and you hate them, and you HATE Iowa...

Why stay together if you KNOW long term it's just gonna be a waste of both your time?


I have to agree tho, WHY break up? you didn't really say....

[alohalight]

Sorry, I actually deleted my post...coz reading it was making me sick to my stomach...which is probably a good thing, because It's probably a sign of trying to move on...

Per your request, here is the original:

I have fallen for this guy. We've been dating for 6 months. It started wonderful: beautiful romance, intense chemistry and courtship and a LOT of PASSION. He really courted me and seems he truly tried to win my heart. And he did. As the time passed there were things I wasn't quite happy about: seeing each other just once a week, even though he wasn't working, he is in the middle of career change, going through some classes and challenges... No holidays together. So right before Christmas I raised my concerns and asked him question what he really wanted and if he was interested in me seriously, coz it started to feel I was his casual weekend date. He had his life on his own, I had my life on my own. And it didn't seem we were sharing our lives with each other or getting more involved. The conversation didn't go well. He got mad, tried to turn table on me, caused a fight, said he is apparently not the guy I am looking for, wished me good luck and stormed off. That's was real tough. Needless to say how it made me feel. But 2 weeks later we reunited, some unfinished business brought us together...

We got back to talking to one another. It was another 2 weeks of talking. He acted like he was fine again, and it seemed we were back together as if nothing had happened. I came back to the same conversation. Basically we spoke 30 minutes and it seems like I needed to move on, coz he was apologizing for not spending time with me, saying he has so much going on, so much on his plate, etc. Basically we were ending it. Then he had to go off the phone. But then he asked if he could call me in an hour or so when he had more time to talk. I said okay. I wasn't sure why he wanted to call me back, seemed like we resolved the situation.

He called. We were talking like: yes, I am sorry, well, this and that. Then he asked me if I had any questions. I said no, but then I said, I actually had a question, I asked him where exactly his mind was when he started dating me, what he wanted, why he was there. He said he liked me a lot and wanted to spend time with me, he enjoyed my company.

He asked me the same question. I told him how I wasn't really looking into anyhting serious at first, but how I started falling for him. He asked me if I was saying I loved him. I said I would use word "love" with the greatest caution, coz love it's when you know everything about the person and accept everything about him/her. But I said, I was falling for him. He asked me more and more questions about it. I answered them openly, I was an open book. I played no game, I was just there sitting being volnurable. I had nothing to lose. Then to my biggest surprise he told me whatever I described I felt towards him that's what he exactly felt to me. He opened up, he started talking about his feelings. I was really surprised how that conversation turned. I didn't expect such a turn of events . I was really surprised and...happy.

So we got back to...Pashionate Love Making...but the old issues were really not solved, same thing, we were seeing each other once a week, though talked every day (texting, sometimes phone). So getting together once a week...But it wasn't a weekend anymore, it was sometime during a week...
And you know deep down, I thought he had feeling for me, too. But didn't talk about them, he seemed he was going through his career chalenges/ internal demons without sharing it to anybody, kept a lot inside him. Taurus sign. I know they move very slowly. But I got tired of the emotional rollercoaster, I felt it was like he was playing game either with me, or with himself or both of us. I walked away from him, even though I have feelings for him, I actually at some point thought he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my Life. But I thought it was necessary for me to leave, I didn't want to settle for less. Our main communication was email, so do not think I was heartless ending it by email. Especially we had these conversations on the phone before. I said things were now
going in the wrong direction. it has been a beautiful expereince for me overall and that I am not going to contribute to its obuse anymore by adding tension, complains and frustrations of broken illusions and unrealised dreams. I said: let's leave it at that. And left....

[alohalight]

It's been a little bit over 2 weeks now... It was tough at first, then I spent a lot of time reading and reading, and the entire Internet is full of this Commitment Phobic Horror stories. Well, I am still not sure if there is such a thing, is it an actual disease or it's simply what they say "oh, they are just not that into you..."

Well, if it's the second, then why bother having so much drama and go through push and pull, and all this roller coaster, nobody is making anybody do anything, feel free to walk away, why is all this then?

If it's the first, then is there any hope for the recovery?

In my post I will try to answer my own questions.

I more leaning towards the first. Or maybe it's a combination of both... Like the first one triggers the second...

Now some curious details that I didn't pay attention to at first:

1. During his carrer change experience he was telling me about his counselor, who helps him to cope with the carrer challenges, So he goes sees a counselor. Hmmm..

2. I was also what they call a commitment phobic girl before I met him. Yeah, I was a Free Spirit one. I haven't dated anybody for more than few weeks. (But I never had a problem to walk away from any of those relationships, walked away easily). I was constantly searching for that One. Nobody was good enough... And my longest relationship in the last 5 years was 2 months. That was a WOW long time!!!! Till I met this guy. So at 2 months into this relationship I freaked out. I almost ended it. But my female friend, was telling me to relax and not to think too much. I was so afraid to get hurt, coz I realised I was falling for this guy, and was at the point of no return, setting myself for the vulnarability. I felt like I wanted to call off that relationship before going too far. For 3 weeks I was battling my demons...
And here is a funny part. I shared this to him at that time. And guess what he was using this terms like "sabotage the relationship", "In touch with your feelings and emotions", etc. I was surprised, how come the guy knows all this stuff. He was sorta like a counselor. haha, sorry, now it makes me laugh when I think about it.

3. Then later, he told me that a couple years ago he had a girlfriend , and at that time he went to a counselor. So I suspect, he was losing her over his commitment issues.

4. It took me probably 3 weeks to get over my fears. And I did. After that I let myself dive into the Ocean of Passion and Love (?) without any fears. My feelings were getting stronger and stronger with each day...

************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ********The truth of the matter is, he did this to me, he pulled the same card with me. Well, I am tired of figuring this all out. All I know is Love and Fear cannot exist in the same space. (not sure who said this before). Love should be able to overcome all phobias. He has to find it within himself. He needs to want it bad enough...

But it's just my thinking. I don't know the answers, I am not a counselor and I better stop trying to understand "this deal" otherwise I might need a counselor soon then LoL.

I am trying to live my life now, trying to move on, not easy, but time will heal. And hey, if this meant to be then this story will have some continuation. Maybe...maybe not... But that would be a different story for a different thread....