New to the site...and looking for help and advice

[soulful]

Hey everyone ...or anyone :-) never been on an online site before never mind o this one hah. However, this seemed to tick a lot of the boxes for me re' the information that i have read already. Dont know what the average age of the users of this site are, however I am not in my early ...not 30's and not 50's hah. Anyway, wished I'd addressed this shit long before, well well better late than never.

Anyway, I am looking for some solid advice, encouragement, and to develop hope that I can either chip away at this 'Nice guy' (co dependency crap that has got me by so far (to learn what not to do to make a healthy relationship) part in me or, to accept that part of me and work on gettting a balance of confidence/"cockiness" as these dating gurus say. Anyway, I reallt do want Change.....with help.

Whatever it takes I am willing to just do something different, so if you want to be direct and helpful , go for it. I need to toughen up anyway.

Could go on, however will wait see responses.

Cheers

[soulful]

Just to clarify :-) I am in early.... 's

[Gigabitch]

Um, what? That doesn't really make any sense.

You want help, soulful? I suggest we work on your communication skills. Definitely the place to start.

[soulful]

Hah, you are right. The above wasn't communicated that well. The part in the first para'... "however I am not in my early ......" I should have missed out the not.

Communication in general could be better :-). What I've done so far has got me by, however with limited success. What do I see success as now. Being able to say whats clearly on my mind instead of letting fear trip me up and stumble and leave an interaction frustrated that I played the 'cool' guy, when I didn't get the words out that i wanted. Some of that is self esteem, and, some of it I beleive is I have got used to a 'comfortable way of doing things (that paradoxically creates discomfort and dis-ease).

Anyway, I have got codependency issues, however I dont want to label myself to the point that it stops me from getting out there and having the cotage to meet someone and apply some healthy relationship principles in my life. Just split up from someone I was seeing for about 7 months. I know, not that long, however I really felt that I should have had the courage to end it 2-3 months before just due to her and the things she was saying. I was mixed up. However, she did say she was scared of committment etc. Anyway, I got to the point where I felt i was tolerating certain things that i should have said "Whoaa". Anyway, to try and cut a long story short, I ended it, however I feel the feeling was mutual. There was a distance thing (70 miles). We met at this dancing that we go to (Ballroom thing). Its been 3 months since we split and about 1 and a half since we have talked. I could see her if i made an effort to go to the dances, however I didn't have the easiest of time before the New Year (just after we split) - father died and I was also in car accident and wrote of car. She said I was a bit "pushy". Well maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

Mmm, could go on about that. What I'm doing is working through that. Working on Letting it Go. Forgiving myself and forgiving her. I love the dancing that i go to, and I know that sooner or later I will see her again. Hoping......(know I will).....have the strength to deal with that.

I dont drink to help me deal with my Life and the good stuff that it 6hrows at you and I try and access the support that my friends who don't drink also can offer. However, just now I could do with an outside nudge/help to give me a bit of hope and to get me stuck into Life again and....to maybe approach things differently. Anyway, don't know if i've said anything hat anyone can comment on. maybe I need to be more specific. maybe I know the answers. Maybe I Don't??