I slept with my best friend..

[MoonBerry]

Okay, Im new on here so be gentle.

I am 20 years old and I have a friend who is 19. I met him in high school and have always been close to him, and eventually begin to fall in love with him. We were always with each other, and always knew what to do to cheer each other up. He has known me better than most of the long-term men I have dated, or anyone for that matter. I had expressed my feelings long ago, and he explained that he valued the friendsip we had, and that he didnt want to lose that by starting a relationship.

Just on Valentine's day, we got to hang out together, and he told me that he had mixed feelings and that he had been dumb in high school. He basically confessed that he always loved me and that he is stupid for now realizing it. He said he had waited for me while I had many boyfriends, and that he was always so jealous when I would come to him and talk of these men he had to compete with in silence.

He stated that no other women in his life could ever relate to him the way I always had, and that he just had this connection with me that always brought his heart back to me. He was ready to start settling down now, and he couldn't seem to find the woman he wanted to marry. We ended up sleeping together, and afterward, I felt as if I had just slept with my best friend, not a possible love of my life. I really did still love him, but I no longer felt the love for him that I used to feel. He had told me too late. The feeling of love for him was gone. I still wanted to be friends.

I explained that to him right away, and he took it pretty bad, but he smiled at me and said he would want nothing more than to be my best friend, and nothing else if that is what I wanted.

So what my question is, is it possible for us to have the relationship we had before? Is it at all possible to have our friendship without it being awkward? Will we be able to still be as close as we were before we had sex?

[Lite]

It's possible. Just very very very unlikely.

Next time drag your teeth more when sucking him off so that he doesn't want there to be a next time...

[starbuck]

Moonberry, if you felt this way about him, why did you sleep with him? Sorry, but your situation raises the question.

[carl1222]

You seem to think that having sex changed your relationship. It didn't. Even before you had sex, he confessed having a long-time intense romantic attraction to you. It's this attraction that changed your relationship, not the incidental sex act.

Right now, you are in a classic one-sided romantic love situation. If you've ever loved a guy who didn't love you back, you know exactly what I mean. While you value the friendship just for what it is, he is in agony over it and apparently has been for quite a while. He gets a lot from your friendship, but not nearly what he wants from it ... your romantic love. So he puts on a brave smile when you tell him about the great, sexy guy you just went out with, offers you a strong shoulder to cry on when your latest relationship fails, but inside, it is killing him as well as killing any chance he has to move on and find someone who can return his feelings. It's too bad you had sex, it will just make it harder for him ... one more thing for him to lose. But you'd be in the same situation even if you hadn't had sex.

I think YOU have to give up the friendship for HIS own good. He won't have the strength to do it for himself. Sorry.

Carl.

[Only-virgins]

So what my question is, is it possible for us to have the relationship we had before? Is it at all possible to have our friendship without it being awkward? Will we be able to still be as close as we were before we had sex?

Nope. Also awkward for people you date in the future.

[belovedpilot]

I think your relationship can even be better than before because you have been sexual with him and know he also is not waiting for anything anymore, because he had it..... And to be honest I think he is just stupid that he never told you before he liked you so much...

[Gonz]

Look MoonBerry, It Looks that what happened to you is a typical "teen challenge." I call what happened to you like that because it is very common in young people about your age. When you have what you want in the relationship environment, you get satisfied and you dont want it anymore. This reaction is unconscious so you may dont realize it until some time afterwards. This comes from your actual inmature self and from the willingless to demostrate yourself that you can get what you want. Once you got it, you just want to move on. IT is very common. So, dont worry. IF you were speaking to a psychologist, he will tell you that is perfectly normal in young people like you. However, eventhough its a common reaction, it is somehow selfish from you part to keep that relationship since he is very in love with you. Eventhough he wants to keep your friendship, I doubt that is a good thing for his health and well- being. He looks very in love to you. Therefore, if the least he can get is a friendship, he would do it. But, you should not. For his best, you should terminate that friendship for his own well being. With this act, you will doing a great thing.
You should check this book my friend Arash Vossoughi wrote. " it is called “7 Steps to Attracting Your Most Compatible and Loving Relationship.” ..
I hope it helps you.

[Gigabitch]

Have you ever heard of Humpty Dumpty, MoonBerry? Yeah. That's your "friendship".

If you want to stay close with this guy, your relationship is going to have to evolve. You will never be just friends again. You will be past lovers. If you think this doesn't mean anything or won't change anything, you're in for a big surprise.

Just try to be as emotionally responsible as possible. You could do a LOT of damage if you're not careful.

[IndiReloaded]

What Carl said. And if you need help with this resolve think of this:

He's 19. There is no way in hell he knows this:

he couldn't seem to find the woman he wanted to marry

Its laughable and obviously silly. He's just begun to live his adult life.

I've had a male friend I had to shove off. It sucks. I think its actually better if he believes you are somewhat of a bitch, it will let him believe he's actually better off without you. Try it. You are only 20, afterall. Maybe after college or another 5 - 10 years you can revisit your friendship as *adults*.

[doppelgaenger]

Maybe after college or another 5 - 10 years you can revisit your friendship as *adults*.

Except if you decide to see another man, and he finds out about your past with this guy, he is going to be awfully suspicious of your relationship with your friend.

[lesa]

We ended up sleeping together, and afterward, I felt as if I had just slept with my best friend, not a possible love of my life. I really did still love him, but I no longer felt the love for him that I used to feel.

It was that bad, huh?

[Illusional]

^^^^ well i'm sure she wasn't a rider either...

raverboy

[lesa]

^^^ Maybe she had nothing to ride.

Wow, did someone hijack my account?

[sarahm63]

mmm i don't think your relationship will ever be the same because now you know how he feels about you so you won't be as confident in telling him if you have met another guy of what is going on with your life. That's over. But maybe if you try hard and he is mature enough to understand your decision then you might work it out!

[carl1222]

mmm i don't think your relationship will ever be the same because now you know how he feels about you so you won't be as confident in telling him if you have met another guy of what is going on with your life. That's over. But maybe if you try hard and he is mature enough to understand your decision then you might work it out!

I don't think understanding or maturity plays a part here, sarah, it's all about feelings. He can't give her what she wants ... just friendship; she can't give him what he wants ... love. It's very unlikely that the way she feels will ever change. She didn't decide not to be attracted to him, she just isn't. It's also very unlikely that his romantic feelings for her will go away any time soon if they stay in any kind of relationship. He didn't decide to be strongly attracted to her, he just is.

Maybe years down the road, when his feelings are totally dissipated and he's moved on, they may be able to be friends. Other than that, I don't see how they can "work it out." How would his "maturity" help?

Carl.