Am I stuck in the friendzone? Can I do anything more?

[zerotact]

Long story short I like a girl I work with quite a bit. We text/talk pretty much daily and have been since developing an interest in her in august.

I really felt like there was alot of chemistry there but in october she started dating someone and recently (as in this month) was dumped by this person. we still talk alot but the chemistry is hard to find, maybe even non-existent. I still like her alot but I'm not sure if it's actually there and maybe just needs the right conditions to come back or for all I know it is there but just isn't so glaringly obvious as it felt months ago. We still text day to day but I can't help but get the feeling that either one of us are really as interested as we were.

anyway a few days later (after here breakup) I went to a movie with her. It was very casual. I didn't want to make a move anyway as she still seemed upset so I didn't. I hung out with her one other time after that but it was in a group. That really didn't yield anything for me. I also asked her twice if she wanted to hangout, once the day before we later hung out as a group anyway. (well once I asked her what she was doing, which was worded as a mass text to a bunch of friends, which I thought expressed an interest to chill. maybe it wasn't quite so clear though?) Anyway I asked her twice if she wanted to hangout, just us. Didn't really go anywhere for me. I'm wondering if they were just bad times or if I need to move on.

I know we're friends, maybe too good of friends and maybe she's hoping I just get the hint that I won't be more than that. On the other hand she still seems pretty upset with her breakup as she says things like she doesn't like guys now. Or maybe again, it's another hint.

I've been crushing on this girl for quite some time so if there is anything there I do not want to let it go but if there isn't I don't want to seem desperate either. I try without being too obvious, really I do. I really want to opportunity to make a move on her, I feel she would be open0minded about it and I could prove to her I could be a competent boyfriend as well and not just a friend. Would it help me cross the friendzone or get out of it as I feel it would? Maybe she needs bit more time? Maybe she just isn't interested?

Is it time to forget about what might be my single biggest crush? I also must admit that I feel compelled to tell her what I think of her. If she reacts well then I could pursue it or if she doesn't I can drop it and move on. Furthermore, I have felt in the past that my friends knew something which could be beneficial to my cause but withheld due to not liking her. It doesn't help, assuming I'm correct. At any rate if this doesn't end in any mutual romantic interest it wouldn't be too much to saty friends, would it?

[Vain]

I would inform her of your compelling interest in her. Heck, toss her a genuine compliment while your at it. In my opinion its worth the risk of ruining a friendship. Worst case she tells you she is not interested, and after you talk about it, you can most likely remain friends.

[zerotact]

Huh. Thanks I think I will take a chance I guess. Would it be unacceptable to call or text her to tell her I like her? I don't know when I'm going to get to see her next in person.

[Gigabitch]

You should tell her face-to-face. You need to see her reaction.

[zerotact]

Well. I'm going to tell her this week I think. I'm feeling by sunday. I'll most likely see her on the weekend but my shift ends when hers starts I think so it might be difficult as I'd like to get her alone.

I'm going to do this right this time. Not be tense, in my body language, face, or voice.

I was also thinking about talking to a good friend of hers to try to find out where I stand but I run the risk of it not being in confidence. Thoughts?

I'm thinking of telling her something to the effect of
- I like her quite alot
- If she has reservations because of our friendship she shouldn't. That is assuming she likes me enough in that way
- Tell her I'm a good guy an such. I assume it's a little pompous and cocky but that's ok, right?
- Tell her if she doesn't like me this will be the last conversation I initiate about it and tell her I don't want to make things awkward and we shouldn't have to.
- Also depending on her reaction I would like to attempt a kiss and then tell her we should go out sometime.

good?

[carl1222]

Long story short I like a girl I work with quite a bit. We text/talk pretty much daily and have been since developing an interest in her in august.

I really felt like there was alot of chemistry there but in october she started dating someone and recently (as in this month) was dumped by this person. we still talk alot but the chemistry is hard to find, maybe even non-existent. I still like her alot but I'm not sure if it's actually there and maybe just needs the right conditions to come back or for all I know it is there but just isn't so glaringly obvious as it felt months ago. We still text day to day but I can't help but get the feeling that either one of us are really as interested as we were.

anyway a few days later (after here breakup) I went to a movie with her. It was very casual. I didn't want to make a move anyway as she still seemed upset so I didn't. I hung out with her one other time after that but it was in a group. That really didn't yield anything for me. I also asked her twice if she wanted to hangout, once the day before we later hung out as a group anyway. (well once I asked her what she was doing, which was worded as a mass text to a bunch of friends, which I thought expressed an interest to chill. maybe it wasn't quite so clear though?) Anyway I asked her twice if she wanted to hangout, just us. Didn't really go anywhere for me. I'm wondering if they were just bad times or if I need to move on.

I know we're friends, maybe too good of friends and maybe she's hoping I just get the hint that I won't be more than that. On the other hand she still seems pretty upset with her breakup as she says things like she doesn't like guys now. Or maybe again, it's another hint.

I've been crushing on this girl for quite some time so if there is anything there I do not want to let it go but if there isn't I don't want to seem desperate either. I try without being too obvious, really I do. I really want to opportunity to make a move on her, I feel she would be open0minded about it and I could prove to her I could be a competent boyfriend as well and not just a friend. Would it help me cross the friendzone or get out of it as I feel it would? Maybe she needs bit more time? Maybe she just isn't interested?

Is it time to forget about what might be my single biggest crush? I also must admit that I feel compelled to tell her what I think of her. If she reacts well then I could pursue it or if she doesn't I can drop it and move on. Furthermore, I have felt in the past that my friends knew something which could be beneficial to my cause but withheld due to not liking her. It doesn't help, assuming I'm correct. At any rate if this doesn't end in any mutual romantic interest it wouldn't be too much to saty friends, would it?

See the part in bold ... what on earth does that have to do with "chemistry"?? You could be Ghandi, and some other guy could be Charles Manson, but if he flips her switch and you don't ... guess who she's going to pick?

Chemistry isn't earned by being the better choice ... it just exists and it's irrational.

By all means, tell her how you feel. Her response will tell you which zone you are in. With your strong crush, you can't be "just friends" ... way too much pain for you. You'll have to cut her out of your life. Sorry ... Ain't mother nature a cruel bitch?

Carl.

[zerotact]

See the part in bold ... what on earth does that have to do with "chemistry"?? You could be Ghandi, and some other guy could be Charles Manson, but if he flips her switch and you don't ... guess who she's going to pick?

Chemistry isn't earned by being the better choice ... it just exists and it's irrational.

By all means, tell her how you feel. Her response will tell you which zone you are in. With your strong crush, you can't be "just friends" ... way too much pain for you. You'll have to cut her out of your life. Sorry ... Ain't mother nature a cruel bitch?

Carl.

I want this to work out in my favor but I seriously doubt it will.

You're absolutely right, unfortunately. I like her and I don't want to be an asshole, hell I'd love to be just friends, but I don't really want to. I can't see it working out well but I want it to. I know she definitely thinks about me but whether or not it's in the way I want I can't say. Oh well I have to deal with this head on.

[Vain]

Never doubt yourself. You are who you are, if she doesn't like you then it doesn't work. If you go into this relationship pretending your someone your not, you have to remain that person for the rest of the relationship. Increases the complexity tenfold and it means shes not dating the real you. You want her to date you right? and not just some false projection of yourself.

[jadelil25]

Just give her some compliments and make her feel good at 1st.

It may still be a bit too soon for her to get in to another relationship. Everyone is different. It sounds like there is some interest tho because she has been hanging out with you.

Also tell her to her face how you feel, talk to her and ask her how she feels too.

She may also feel that it is not good to have a relationship with someone that you work with. I have been there before and it did not work out because you saw each other 24/7 and also when we ended it was hard working together.

But if you really like her just go for it. Im sure all will be fine. Communication is key!

Good luck!

[zerotact]

Ha ha. Thanks for the replies everyone. After your advice and all the introspection I've been doing I'm feeling quite well about it. I feel really confident and such and even though I like her I feel like her response will make no difference to me. Don't get me wrong I'd like to date her alot but if it isn't meant to work out then so be it. I feel like I'm at the point where I can continue a friendship even if it doesn't work.

I still don't feel as if I could accurately gauge her interest but I don't feel afraid to dive in either. I'm hoping to do this on the weekend so I'll let you know how all goes.