What it means to be ignored for a video game.

[JumpinBean]

I live with a good friend of mine and her boyfriend. I need help on giving her some advice, because I can tell she is being neglected... Basically, her boyfriend blatantly ignores her for a computer game. He plays the game as soon as he wakes up, and as soon as he comes home from work; that is literally all he does. The only time he even glanced at her today was to accept the dinner she had made for him. I can tell it hurts her to be living with someone who treats her second best to a video game... =[ She comes into the living room just to be near him, and even has tried to act interested in his game just to be included... And all he does is snap at her, and continues to give her the cold shoulder. She enjoys video games herself, so perhaps that's why she hasn't confronted the issue... But there is a huuuuge difference between enjoying video games, and using them as a way to make her feel insignificant and needy. She does not see the manipulation going on here, and she doesn't realize that his neglect directly impacts her self esteem. I really care about her, and I've tried mentioning it to her before, but she doesn't seem to realize that it is a problem when your live-in boyfriend would rather put on his headphones and shoot people for hours in an alternate reality than spend time together. She seems to just brush it off like no big deal, when I know for a fact that this is hurting her. What can I do to make her realize that this is wrong? How do I approach the situation without over-stepping my boundaries as her friend and roommate??

- Heather

[vashti]

What can I do to make her realize that this is wrong? How do I approach the situation without over-stepping my boundaries as her friend and roommate??

I don't think it is appropriate for you to do or say anything. She PICKED this guy. She will address this problem when she is ready, and if you interefere before that time, she will likely rebel against YOU.

If she brings it up, that's another story.

[misombra]

stay out of it.

[kate_spencer]

Vashti is right, you're not in a position to interfere with what you think is a problem in their relationship.. anyway, your friend already told it's not a problem to her. Well, actually she's doing her best to join her boyfriend on his hobby and to spend time together.. as long as it works for them, I guess there's no problem. Maybe because playing video game is his way of releasing stress from work.. and also to enjoy himself.. cause that's effective to release stress, and I do that too.. it's fun.
But I understand you though, you're just concerned to your friend.. let her ask for your help if ever she needs it, anyway, she will if she really needs it.

[Gigabitch]

Lead by example. Maybe if she sees you being treated right by someone she'll get inspired to want more.

[carl1222]

I can tell it hurts her to be living with someone who treats her second best to a video game. She does not see the manipulation going on here, and she doesn't realize that his neglect directly impacts her self esteem. She doesn't seem to realize that it is a problem. She seems to just brush it off like no big deal, when I know for a fact that this is hurting her. What can I do to make her realize that this is wrong?

- Heather

I agree with the posters above, it's none of your business and it's not your place to interfere.

I selected parts from your post that show your absolute arrogance for thinking that YOU know better than SHE what's good for HER relationship. Are you her therapist??

Carl.

[Indignant]

what's the game?

[Junket]

Counter strike?

[Mish]

World of Warcraft?

[Junket]

She said "shoot" so I would assume it's a first person shooter.

[Only-virgins]

It is WoW. I'm a sinner now. I don't play nothing but SoaSE

[doppelgaenger]

Sounds to me like you're making assumptions based off what you see. Maybe it's bothering you more than it is her. You should have asked her how her relationship is going by now if you really cared.

And so the best thing to do is just ask about it. If she tells you she is unhappy feel free to talk about it with her. If she says she's happy with it, she will probably ask why you wondered. Then you could mention how it seems like he isn't giving her enough attention.

[carl1222]

Sounds to me like you're making assumptions based off what you see. Maybe it's bothering you more than it is her. You should have asked her how her relationship is going by now if you really cared.

And so the best thing to do is just ask about it. If she tells you she is unhappy feel free to talk about it with her. If she says she's happy with it, she will probably ask why you wondered. Then you could mention how it seems like he isn't giving her enough attention.

Doppel, I have to disagree with you a bit on this one. If her roomie wants to come to her for comfort and advice on her relationship problems, then fine ... because she has been invited to comment. If roomie doesn't, then 1) roomie doesn't have a problem; or 2) she is not the person roomie wants to seek advice from. I think roomie has already said she doesn't have a problem ... why impose one?

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Those in the midst of an argument will join forces to fend off whoever interferes...

All you can do is watch their relationship deteriorate or improve... and wait to be asked for advice/help when they feel it is necessary. That's really all friends can do.

[doppelgaenger]

Doppel, I have to disagree with you a bit on this one. If her roomie wants to come to her for comfort and advice on her relationship problems, then fine ... because she has been invited to comment. If roomie doesn't, then 1) roomie doesn't have a problem; or 2) she is not the person roomie wants to seek advice from. I think roomie has already said she doesn't have a problem ... why impose one?

Carl.

Well okay, but if you watch your friend fall off their bike, do you wait for them to get up and ask you for a bandaid, or do you go over to see if they are okay?

I'm not telling JumpinBean to douse her roommate in neosporin and bandage her up like a mummy. It's okay to ask how a relationship is going and voice your opinion. In my book, a true friend would not make any assumption.

Where are you from anyway? Here we don't invite others to comment. We just comment. And we sure as hell don't assume everything is okay until otherwise is spoken... especially when a possible problem is afoot.