'You're amazing but...'

[Calam]

'...Im scared of commitment after a year of being single after a 3/4 year relationship'

Is what a girl I am crazy about just said to me.
We've spent some time together, hugs kisses, i stayed over hers, spent the weekend together, old school friends.

So - Do I leave her be now, or what? Thanks alot.

[bluesummer]

I don't know what she's trying to say here, so you should get some clarification. It sounds like either:

A) She doesn't want a committed relationship
B) She would be interested as long as you took it slow and didn't rush her into it

[Mish]

'...Im scared of commitment after a year of being single after a 3/4 year relationship'

Explore what it means to her a bit more. Is this her way of saying that she doesn't want to be exclusive? Then you should leave if this is what you want. Or is this her way of saying that she is okay with being exclusive, but needs more time until she is ready to be fully committed? Then you could give her more time and see what comes from that.

[Illusional]

haha you're a sucker... she wants you to pity her so that you never leave.

for me, i'd leave just to piss her off because a line like that isn't fair to you.

raverboy

[carl1222]

How long have you two been together?

Carl.

[Calam]

Haha, thanks raverboy!

And I'd love to ask her these questions and find out what she really means, but I don't want to seem needy and nagging, so should I wait a bit?

And Hi Carl, umm, since around December.
Cheers guys.

[carl1222]

Haha, thanks raverboy!

And I'd love to ask her these questions and find out what she really means, but I don't want to seem needy and nagging, so should I wait a bit?

And Hi Carl, umm, since around December.
Cheers guys.

You've only been together for 2-3 months and she's still relationship shy ... I'm guessing she got hurt badly. Why not try this on her ... "OK, I understand. How about if we don't formally call it formally boyfriend/girlfriend and just agree to be exclusive with each other for as as long as we're together with no commitments way into the future right now?" That would take care of Bluesummer's "B" option if that's what her real concern is.


Carl.

[vashti]

After a few months of dating if she's saying this, I would guess blue's option A is more likely, but you will need to ask for clarification. Don't act scared to talk to her - this is your life, too.

[carl1222]

After a few months of dating if she's saying this, I would guess blue's option A is more likely, but you will need to ask for clarification. Don't act scared to talk to her - this is your life, too.

I agree with vashti ... option A seems more likely at this time ... matbe she's holding onto false hopes based on deep feelings for her ex, and starting a relationship with someone new forces her to abandon those fantasies. But I still think you should act on option B because you really can't do anything about option A. Give it a few more months at most, and if you can't resolve this, it's time to move on.

Carl.

[pamela975]

It's tough because i know what she is going through. But, it seems like she should have expressed this before she sort of lead you on. You should tell her you like and and you want to try, but if she is adamant tell her until she is ready the two of you need to behave as friends. It seems like she has the best of both worlds and you might get hurt in the end. It also might make her realize it might be time to jump in, if you pull away.