do yourself a favor

[Aeradalia]

Steps in... looks around... nope, not partaking in this argument... way too volatile... steps right back out...

[Mish]

so far the arguments for getting married include, but are not limited to...

1) you can call somebody your "husband/wife" as opposed to "girlfriend/boyfriend."
2) because that's just what you do when you're pregnant or have kids.
3) in order to spite others.
wow, i'm totally convinced now.

4) Legal guardians and legal protection for the children
5) Harder separation (meaning more incentive for both parties to work things out, meaning greater opportunity that children will have both biological parents as guardians)
6) Psychological significance, various studies showed that children form longer lasting relationships later on in life if both biological parents remain together. Since marriage makes separation harder, chances of both biological parents staying together are increased.
7) You can also add to the above that single parents are the most at risk class of living in poverty. In this case marriage protects children from poverty.
8) Cultural significance, in many places relationship is accepted only if the two people are married. Ever hear the expression available until there is a ring on the finger? This may not be a significant factor in the immediate vicinity, but does become important during family interactions, friends interactions and when traveling. For example, kissing in public in some countries is illegal if you are not married.


But even more important, there are simply no significant availability of people who would want to have kids outside of marriage. The ones who exist are a tiny fraction of the population. This is understandable I think given the amount of traditional, Religious and common sense reasons above.

[misombra]

4) Legal guardians and legal protection for the children
5) Harder separation (meaning more incentive for both parties to work things out, meaning greater opportunity that children will have both biological parents as guardians)
6) Psychological significance, various studies showed that children form longer lasting relationships later on in life if both biological parents remain together. Since marriage makes separation harder, chances of both biological parents staying together are increased.
7) You can also add to the above that single parents are the most at risk class of living in poverty. In this case marriage protects children from poverty.
8) Cultural significance, in many places relationship is accepted only if the two people are married. Ever hear the expression available until there is a ring on the finger? This may not be a significant factor in the immediate vicinity, but does become important during family interactions, friends interactions and when traveling. For example, kissing in public in some countries is illegal if you are not married.


But even more important, there are simply no significant availability of people who would want to have kids outside of marriage. The ones who exist are a tiny fraction of the population. This is understandable I think given the amount of traditional, Religious and common sense reasons above.

lol, well i've been in the world long enough to know that all those things you said are either made up facts, or non compelling reasons for marriage.

[Mish]

why so sad.. i have a good situation where i am able to feel this way, life for me is not all about rules, if a man ever comes along and i feel he's good enough (i do have doubts) i may consider other options

also i don't think any man is good enough for me to marry...yikes i do think i'm better..

But you said it yourself, you feel that you are better than men and you don't think any man is good enough for you. So what is the point of going out with men? It will only lead to conflict and separation because you see men as below you from the very beginning. What is the reason for reliving this self fulfilling prophecy?

[ecojeanne]

But you said it yourself, you feel that you are better than men and you don't think any man is good enough for you. So what is the point of going out with men? It will only lead to conflict and separation because you see men as below you from the very beginning. What is the reason for reliving this self fulfilling prophecy?

why not?! it's fun and something to do, who knows i might be proved wrong...mmm but i doubt it

[Mish]

lol, well i've been in the world long enough to know that all those things you said are either made up facts, or non compelling reasons for marriage.

I think they are if you want to have children and if you care for them.

If you don't want to have children, it's understandable.

[misombra]

so your argument is

a. people who are married have a more difficult time splitting up.
b. children are better off with people who aren't split up.

c. therefore people who care for their children are married.

???????????????????????????

[Mish]

why not?! it's fun and something to do,

Because it seems pointless. You already know where any relationship you initiate will lead to. Ultimately it can be said that any relationship leads to an end due to death. But at least for couples who stay together until that end it will be a road traveled only once, not over and over and over again.

who knows i might be proved wrong...mmm but i doubt it

I doubt it as well. Because your point of view is already ingrained, there will always be conflict and it will always remain unresolved. If you already see men as lesser, they will always remain lesser to you. You won't give them an opportunity to change your perception.

[ecojeanne]

pointless?!...nah i get what i want hopefully, like i said i'm not completely closed to the possibility that a man exists that could be good enough...i'd be pretty amazed tho

[Mish]

so your argument is

a. people who are married have a more difficult time splitting up.
b. children are better off with people who aren't split up.

c. therefore people who care for their children are married.

???????????????????????????

a. Children have legal recognition and legal rights when two people are married

b. Children (not always, but in general) are looked after better when two biological parents are together. This is both from material and psychological point of you.

c. Children are at a lesser risk of living in poverty when both biological parents are together.

d. Less cultural miscommunication about the status of the children in family and other countries.

This is just off the top of my head. But you can also consider the following:

# Less criminal behavior. Neighborhoods with a majority of single parents (usually mothers), have higher crime rates than neighborhoods with two-parent families, probably because fathers are more able to manage and control boys’ behavior. Children of married parents are less likely to turn to gangs and crime for social support than children of single parents.

# Less premarital sex. One study found that girls from two-parent homes are less likely to experiment with premarital sex than girls from single-parent homes.

# Better physical and emotional health. Even a child’s physical and emotional health benefit from living with both parents. Married homes can provide more supervision, which prevents accidents. Children in two-parent homes avoid the sadness, tension, anxiety, depression, and disruptive behavior that many children of divorced parents experience.

# Less abuse. Children living with both biological parents are at lower risk for being abused. Stepfathers and boyfriends abuse children at far higher rates than biological fathers. Research has shown that without the biological tie between father and child, men are more likely to take out their aggression on children.

# Less poverty. Children of two-parent familiesare largely protected from poverty and the many disadvantages that it brings, such as high levels of stress, poor health, low academic achievement, and a weak social support system.

[url]http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefitsofmarriage.aspx[/url]

[ecojeanne]

every situation is different mish and every person has different values, you can't box people in like that, it doesn't work that way

[Mish]

every situation is different mish and every person has different values, you can't box people in like that, it doesn't work that way

Are you talking about what I said to you or what I said about children being better protected by marriage?

[misombra]

all those examples you just posted were about two parent families, saying nothing about them being married.

working in the social field, i have heard and seen all kinds of different things. i have seen single parents do very well. and i've seen people who were married for 20 years where the father molested their children and the mother turned the other cheek.

you can throw whatever statistics out you feel. it wouldn't change me. if my bf and i have children, our dedication and commitment toward our children or each other wouldn't be affected in the slightest by our marital status. i doubt we are outliers in this circumstance.

[ecojeanne]

i was talking about your stats

[Hollywood]

Mish, suppose you get married and things don't work out. Do you feel the parents should remain in a broken marriage for the sake of the children?