Why does it matter to me?

[Cain]

it sounds like he's bothered by it because he can't imagine her being used or hurt by guys or it upsets him that that is a possibility. that's why he keeps saying that it bugs him because he likes her so much.

I don't think that he is bothered about this because he feels bad for her. He's bothered by it because now he looks at her like she's an easy tramp and not the innocent virgin he wished she'd be. It's all selfish.

I've argued with OV about this a few times, but at least he has somewhat of a leg to stand on. He's at least holding the girl to the same standards he holds himself to. The OP doesn't. It's okay for him to sleep with 15 girls but not for a girl to have 5?

[crazystudent]

i dont think it sounds like a huge number honestly

[Mish]

I understand what you mean that my number is high, but does that mean I need to accept it for others?

Yes it does. Otherwise you can be seen as a hypocrite.

[carl1222]

Is 5 by 20yo quite high(shes 21 in june)? Most of my male friends my age (22) have only been with that many.

Its just totally bugging me cos she seemed a really decent, quiet girl - Ive just got a shock at the number. Doesnt stop her being decent of course, I just got this 'innocent' impression of her when she's not really that at all. I maybe feel deceived / cheated?

I know Im being a knob really, but surely there's others been in the same boat! and as I said previously - I think Im only bothered cos I actually like this one.

Let's do the math ... girls tend to go with guys a few years older, most of your 22 y.o. male friends have had about as many sex partners as your 20 y.o. girlfriend ... yep, that seems to add up.

Do you think your guy friends are too promiscuous? Or do you expect better from girls? And if you expect better from girls, who do you think your guy friends are having sex with? Right ... girls!

Carl.

[lovesjoyajm]

Let's do the math ... girls tend to go with guys a few years older, most of your 22 y.o. male friends have had about as many sex partners as your 20 y.o. girlfriend ... yep, that seems to add up.

Do you think your guy friends are too promiscuous? Or do you expect better from girls? And if you expect better from girls, who do you think your guy friends are having sex with? Right ... guys!

Carl.

Fixed your post.

[misombra]

i think both of you people should learn to respect your bodies.

at 20, having 5 partners means that if she started at 15, that's 1 person per year. if she started at 17, that's about two people per year. it's a lot in that amount of time. but you did the same shit.

love yourselves. don't take your health for granted. stop being dirty little sluts, both of you.

[Aeradalia]

Holy shit... women have multiple partners too? For shame! Wow... there were 5 guys before you came along... Damn, I guess not all women are virgins... Get over it... Women make mistakes, go through trial and errors... they will have "ex's" just like guys... Imagine that, men and women having so much in common..

You didn't think all 15 of the girls you've been with were virgins too.. did you? I think you need to get down off your high horse and accept the fact that people will have slept with other people before being with you... that's just a fact of life, get over it.

This is called a "non-issue"... in that it is expected and unavoidable... reserve your insecurities for something far more devastating than 'oh my god, she's slept with others before me.'

[Cain]

i think both of you people should learn to respect your bodies.

at 20, having 5 partners means that if she started at 15, that's 1 person per year. if she started at 17, that's about two people per year. it's a lot in that amount of time. but you did the same shit.

love yourselves. don't take your health for granted. stop being dirty little sluts, both of you.

I should have sent this in a PM but I figured what the hell... I went ahead and booked that hotel for us. Saturday night. Bring the toys.

[Only-virgins]

Dude... GET OVER IT, 5 partners is NOT that many... Your a very frustrating person... Here are your options.

1) Be a Big Boy. Get over it, move on, love her, have many many kids. Then die.

2) Be a Dick. Let it bother you that she's had a THIRD (that's 1/3) of the amount of partners as you. And dump her.

You forgot the "then die" at the end of option two. Funny how it all has the same end, guess it really doesn't matter what he does or anyone.

like she's an easy tramp

Some women are easy tramps.

I understand what you mean that my number is high, but does that mean I need to accept it for others?

You don't have to accept anything. You can always make up some other excuse like her being stupid or something and than leave. You won't really be that bad of a hypocrite but just have unfair standards really. If something bothers you than it bothers you.

This is called a "non-issue"... in that it is expected and unavoidable.

Kind of like death. Yet people still bitch and moan about it, in fact create fake invisible creatures and gods to make themself feel better. Maybe what he needs is to do the same, stand in front of a mirror and tell himself a lie that she only has been with one person...him. Maybe he will feel ok about it like stupid retards..or I mean religious people feel about death....nah I mean stupid retards.

[carl1222]

Some women are easy tramps.

So are some men ... like the OP

[Only-virgins]

So are some men ... like the OP

Touche sales man....touche.

I think I said that right.

[Aeradalia]

So are some men ... like the OP

The balance between the genders may be different at times (different details), but sometimes they are amazingly similar.

[The_bobb]

ahaha, and you seem to be a frustrated person bobb. Regardless, thanks for the advice.

As I said in the original post I didnt really know what I was looking for by coming on here. Maybe just some reassurance.

I don't do reassurances... What ever problems people face they bring it on themselves in some way shape or from... So tough luck... you want reassurance? Call your mom. And while your talking to her. Ask HER how many partners she's had

And yes, i'm a VERY frustrated person, because of people like you. Who take a Non-issue and blow it out to high heaven...

How did your woman respond to YOUR number? Did SHE freak out and start questioning YOUR morals or your relationship? I only ask, because i haven't seen any posts that say, "My boyfriend slept with 15 people and he's crying about my 5".


And why did this question even come up in the first place?

...For some reason I asked how many people she'd slept with...

What was the reason? There HAD to be one.

[mrdistant]

Firstly, thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply and express your opinions

I seen her last night and we talked about things. I told her Id been un-easy since I asked and wished I had never asked. She explained a bit about her situation which gave me a better understanding of things and put me more at ease.

As a result of this we had an awesome night and Im really falling for her. IF I think about it, it bothers me - and this thread refreshed my memory - but I feel I'll can put it too the back of my mind and over time I'll forget about it. I 'love' her for the person she is here and now, and thats all that matter.

And yeah, Im a hypocrite - but just cos I am/was a slut, doesnt mean I want a future girlfriend to be one. Kinda like if your parents smoke, they wouldnt want you too...

Thanks again though guys

What was the reason? There HAD to be one.

I asked because she kept telling me how innocent she was, so I wanted to know how 'innocent' innocent is.

[Aeradalia]

I pity the girl having to answer for how many people she slept with, when you're of the mentality that she has to 'deal with' how many people you've slept with. Such double standards makes me highly doubt you're ready to actually 'love' someone.