help!!! I dont want to lose her.

[musengusi]

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, and was planning to propose to her in the not so distant future. Recently though, we'd not been talking much but she wouldn’t say much about it and, when asked, just said that there was nothing wrong.
The other day though, she tells me that she’s not happy in the relationship and went on to say that she needs some time apart. She says that she’s not/ doesn’t think that she’s in love with me and, at the minute, doesn’t miss me when we’re apart.

I recently was offered a teacher training course a long way away and she said the thought of me going doesn’t make her upset at all. The other reasons she gave are that she feels that she / we are just going through the motions at the minute and that she would like our relationship to feel like it’s new. Is that even possible? How can I make it feel new when I’ve been with her so long already? I can make it more exciting but it will never feel like it’s new? Will it?

To add insult to injury though she says she’s been feeling like this since the end of January, which just happens to coincide with her going on an 6 week (over 6 weekends, every other weekend) hiking leader course where she met lots of new people, but one other guy in particular. She confessed to me that she thinks she would definitely have feelings for him if she was single and also that she thinks she may have some feelings for him now. She said she’d never cheat on me, even during the “break,” and I believe her, as I trust her, but she has been going out with him and his friends recently too and plans to do so whatever happens between us as she gets on with him. But I’m finding that and the situation too hard to handle.

She also says that although we’re having a “break we should go out on “dates” every now and then and see if we can get that “new feeling” back. I’ve arranges some stuff, which she has said yes too, thank god, but I feel like I’m competing against this new guy. Which, I guess I am. How, after 7 years do I compete with something new and exciting, how do I stay sane, when she’s out with him? I can’t eat or sleep. How do I stay happy and cheerful enough on the dates knowing that the next day she could be out with him and she probably won’t think about me once, whilst I’m at home feeling like cr*p trying not to fall ever deeper into the black hole and emptiness.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like my whole world is breaking apart (which I guess it is)

Please can somebody help me

[The_bobb]

Damn man that sucks hard... Maybe she gave up waiting for you to propose and move the relationship up to the next level? 7 Years is a BIT on the long side, in my opinion.

...How, after 7 years do I compete with something new and exciting...

I'd say your BEST chance is to show her how good familiar territory can be. Do all the things she likes to do, do stuff that you know she'll love that the new guy won't. Like if she likes a cold beer for dinner instead of wine... get her a beer. The other guy won't know that. Small things like that. Use your knowledge of her, AGAINST him... You have 7 years of recon vs. his few days/weeks. USE IT!

Don't be afraid to let on that your doing okay without her too... It sounds harsh i know. But if you let on that you NEED her to be happy, she's going to write you off as being clingy. Other than that i don't know what to tell you... hope it helps a little bit.

[Cain]

Don't be afraid to let on that your doing okay without her too... It sounds harsh i know. But if you let on that you NEED her to be happy, she's going to write you off as being clingy. Other than that i don't know what to tell you... hope it helps a little bit.

I don't think this advice really fits in with this situation. I feel that if he did this, he'd likely help help make the decision to leave much easier.

Personally, I think this relationship is in trouble. If she has feelings for this new guy then she shouldn't be hanging out with him... especially alone. She likely wants to see where it leads with him and if it works out then she's going to make the break up official.