Am I, a workaholic, worth her time?

[mxyplizk]

I’m a medical researcher, and I feel a sort of duty to push myself to get things done as quickly as possible, because people’s well-being rides on what I study. However, I’m also in a relationship, and I am completely head-over-heels for her.

Recently, though, while chatting with a few female fellow researchers (and close friends), I mentioned that I was planning on being in the lab all weekend, and they started talking about how being in the lab all the time would raise some questions in their minds if they were in my significant other’s position, about my commitment to our relationship, and whether my feelings for her were real or significant. I can’t bring myself to raise the issue with her, just in case it plants a seed of doubt in her mind where there was none before.

Is it wrong that I spend most of my time in the lab? She works a lot too, but she is always home at night, at least—I spend 2-4 nights on any given work week in the lab. However, our weekends are amazing, because we are truly “together” again.

But I do spend weekends in the lab sometimes, too.

It’s not that this is our life forever, if we stay together—once I accomplish a few definitive goals, my time is going to open up, and she knows that. I just don’t know if, or when, those goals will be accomplished.

I can't help but think that she deserves better, but I also feel that my first duty is to help people whose health is failing. She will survive without me; these people won't. I am duty-bound to run myself into the ground trying to find the cures for their illnesses.

Could you survive in a relationship with me? Is there a point where it’s just not worth it, no matter how strong our feelings are?

[keej]

It seems like you are dedicated to not only your job, but to her to even worry. It seems like she understands what you go through and respects you for it. I personally would be fine with your hours. Why not ask her and see if you can adjust or see if your work schedule even bothers her as much? You'll get a true answer.

[CocoChanel]

Don't make it a habit I swear. My Fiancee is a workaholic and we had a hard time overcoming it all. Recently he's been on one project so things have been a bit better... however I know that when things pick back up again... I won't be spending as much time with him. So don't make it a habit okay? Just because she respects doesn't mean you should take advantage of it.

[Illusional]

do you really think that once you've reached your "goal" that will be it?? the medical field is always growing and so will your goals. i think that life will throw you many hurdles and your own drive will desire to press forward to accomplish them. do you feel ready for yourself and your relationship, that this is want you really want?

raverboy

[Gigabitch]

do you really think that once you've reached your "goal" that will be it??

Exactly.

It’s not that this is our life forever, if we stay together—once I accomplish a few definitive goals, my time is going to open up, and she knows that. I just don’t know if, or when, those goals will be accomplished.

Bullshit. You're settling into a lifelong habit of neglecting your significant other, and if I were her, I'd recognize it for the red flag it is and start talking to you about things like open relationships.

You need some balance. Working all the time isn't good for you any more than it's good for your relationship. Sure, you think you need to spend every last moment helping the sick, but that is not the ONLY think you should be doing with your life.

You've been given a precious gift and you're wasting it. Go home and spend time with her.

[Illusional]

damn, i took the words right out of my own mouth, and for once, it came out perfectly on the computer.

raverboy

[vashti]

The medical field is one in which there will ALWAYS be work to do. Working a night or two may not be a problem for her, but if things progress to the point where having kids is being considered, I would advise her to consider how she feels about being (basically) a single parent.

[Lite]

If you'd rather be at work instead of with your woman, then I'd say you owe her the honesty of letting her go. That way she doesn't get drug along behind you then find herself ded up and angry at having wasted years of her life in a vain attempt to become a priority in yours.

[purple]

I feel that that the amount of energy you put into your work should be the same amount of energy you put into your relationship, if not more. As a self-proclaimed workaholic, you are obviously making work your priority. And just because she's okay with it now, doesn't mean that she'll be okay with it later if your relationship gets serious and she wants a more committed partner.

=P

[Lipp]

This is the point where I tick the box saying "All of the above".

[Illusional]

^^^ i've got something that you could tickle in the mean time.

raverboy