Easing the Sadness...

[Aeradalia]

Maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should go outside and draw. I'm sure the weather's warm there, right? Stop spending so much time sitting in front of your computer and visiting this place. Maybe when you finally get out and do something, you'll feel better.

That sounds like an excellent idea... however circumstance prevents such moments of stopping to smell the roses... I have literally no friends, and work is all consuming...and thanks to my ex, pursuit of a higher education is difficult to say the least. There are solutions to these problems.. I'm sure... but it's so easy to fall into sadness and despair.. and I don't like it. For every positive/ambitious effort I put forth, I have twice as much negativity to fight. I am growing quite weary... and it's becoming harder to keep my mind focused.

I do wish my ex would've remained with physical abuse... at least the medical debt would've been easier to manage... but alas, towards the end of our marriage and throughout our divorce, he was hell bent to ruin me financially as well. Yet I have only myself to blame... I didn't have to marry him.. I could've said no.

[Junket]

How old are you Aera?

[Aeradalia]

I'm 24... I researched hyperthyroidism... about 90% of the symptoms match how I feel... even the hands shaking (which happens 1 to a few times a day).. and I do have a difficult time regulating body temperature. My hands and feet stay constantly cold (even in 90 degree weather), but I can't seem to stay comfortable, I'll be cold, then hot... etc.

I'll schedule an appointment with a doctor as soon as I can... If there is a problem with my thyroid, then I really can't risk it getting worse... plus, if treatment stops all of these symptoms (including the sadness), then it's a win-win situation.

If this isn't the case, then I will probably look into fluoxetine.

[lovesjoyajm]

Weird, I had no idea hands shaking could be related to a thyroid problem. I have hypothyroidism, though.

Hope you find out soon. Thyroid problems might be a relief, since they're pretty treatable. I've had hypothyroidism since birth and I've never suffered any effects of it thanks to medication.

[Junket]

I was gonna suggest AmeriCorps*National Civilian Community Corps would be great because you live and work with a team that performs community service all over the United States.

The experience definitely changed me, and was one of the best years of my life.

Unfortunately you have to be 24 is the max age you can be when you join (you can turn 25 while you're in it). It can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining, but it can also be extremely fulfilling.

[Aeradalia]

I'll look into that Frasbee... thank you very much...

I do try to refrain from posting on the forum when I am feeling 'low'...

Lately I've been trying to keep myself occupied with studies, exercise, work, favors for acquaintances... trying to form friendships whenever possible... and though I do have moments of happiness from all of this.. it doesn't take much to throw me into bouts of depression.

Even now... I have to fight off negative thoughts, the surge of sad, frustrating memories that tie with such negativity.. and the intense emotions that threaten to swallow me whole. Sometimes it becomes too much... and I can no longer concentrate... if it weren't for the small bit of solace I can find in music and drawing... I can't imagine how I could've possibly have coped this long.

Sometimes it feels like I have to rush to get things done before the sadness catches up with me... like I'm always running on borrowed time.

I wish it wasn't so... I wish I could smile without a remember all the times I cried.. I wish I could enjoy winning without being reminded that I tend to lose the majority of the time.. I wish I could trust in someone without knowing they are selfish and capable of destroying me if they so choose. I wish I could cut away all the festering parts... but I fear that if I did that... there'd be nothing left of me....