I Let Her Go...

[timeless86]

I met this girl about a year ago and we became good friends. After a while I started developing feelings for her and told her. She was very scared of starting a relationship with me and ultimately was afraid of relationships because of her past. I understood this. But she wanted me to wait for her to be ready.
Since I told her how i felt about her, we continued to get closer and I waited 7 months for her. A few days ago I decided I couldn't wait anymore.

So I sent her a email and told her to basically, decide whats best for her and that I wasn't going to continue anything with her until she did so. I told her that if she didn't decide on whether she wanted a relationship or just friendship then it would be nothing. I told her to just do what makes her happy and I'll respect that even if it meant letting me go. I didn't give her a time frame but I told her to take some space and think about it & if I didn't her from her in a while then I would just move on.

We never gone more than a week without talking to each other because we miss each other if we dont talk for that long. So Im thinking if she takes a couple weeks then its best that I just move on.

It just came to the point where it was just draining me because she sent a lot of mixed signals and I didn't understand what she wanted.

Did I do the right thing??

[tooxshort]

I think 7 months was an ample amount of time to invest in "waiting" for her to decide on whether or not to be more than friends. Although, I would have just accepted the fact that you were just friends by that time ... I don't think she should have had to tell you specifically how she was feeling because if it's there, you should be able to read that it is.

[timeless86]

I think 7 months was an ample amount of time to invest in "waiting" for her to decide on whether or not to be more than friends. Although, I would have just accepted the fact that you were just friends by that time ... I don't think she should have had to tell you specifically how she was feeling because if it's there, you should be able to read that it is.

Well, its not like we never talked about it again since 7 months ago. We did talk about it a few more times and last month she told me that, she thinks that we have a shot together but she still wanted to wait because she wasn't ready and that for now to just keep things going. I told her that I would wait and that we'll talk about it again later. And she agreed.

How would you read that?

[kate_spencer]

It just came to the point where it was just draining me because she sent a lot of mixed signals and I didn't understand what she wanted.

Like what?
Like she likes you too, but she's just scared that same will happen to her again? Seven months is long I should say.. you think she haven't moved on? Why don't you tell it her in person.. why in email? So you'll get better answers..
Good luck.

[tooxshort]

We did talk about it a few more times and last month she told me that, she thinks that we have a shot together but she still wanted to wait because she wasn't ready and that for now to just keep things going. I told her that I would wait and that we'll talk about it again later. And she agreed.

How would you read that?

Since I don't know about her past relationships, she comes off as overdramatic or a bit too into fairytales. She reminds me of the types of girls that used to just make men wait to have them "prove" their feelings for them. Of course, it's just what I get from the info presented.

If something crazy horrible happened to her in the past involving a friend and relationships, then I can understand her point of view, but realistically, 7 months is a stretch to wait for anything ... Sounds like you guys are in limbo ...

I think you did what you felt was right for you and that's what matters.

[timeless86]

Like what?
Like she likes you too, but she's just scared that same will happen to her again? Seven months is long I should say.. you think she haven't moved on? Why don't you tell it her in person.. why in email? So you'll get better answers..
Good luck.

Because its not like she would of been straight with me anyway. She never is. She has a way of just talking in circles and not giving me a straight answer. I call her up on it and she says she's sorry. But she still wont be straight...lol In an email, she can take all the time she needs to think about it and get back at me when she's ready to talk.

It made sense to me.

She came from a broken home and have seen a lot of divorces in her family. She also had her heart broken a few times by guys in relationships. She hasnt been in a relationship in 4 years.

I asked her that if she thinks I would hurt her and she said that I wouldn't be the first.

So, I don't know...she just drains me....

[kate_spencer]

Well, its not like we never talked about it again since 7 months ago. We did talk about it a few more times and last month she told me that, she thinks that we have a shot together but she still wanted to wait because she wasn't ready and that for now to just keep things going. I told her that I would wait and that we'll talk about it again later. And she agreed.

How would you read that?

Oops.. my reply seemed answered now before I posted it..

She still wasn't sure.. and you both agreed that you'll wait until she's ready and just keep things going..
But now, you're giving up.. and she's giving you mixed signals..
That's hard.. she should also be considering your feelings here..
I think you should be frank with her this time.. just yes/no.. you cannot wait forever! And she have to make her signals clear.

[kate_spencer]

I don't know, but I guess you'll have to leave her now.. she have to find herself on her own, maybe. She have to learn to trust people again.. and it seems like she's really not yet ready for a relationship right now.
But it seems like you really like her so much to hang up with her that long..

[timeless86]

Oops.. my reply seemed answered now before I posted it..

She still wasn't sure.. and you both agreed that you'll wait until she's ready and just keep things going..
But now, you're giving up.. and she's giving you mixed signals..
That's hard.. she should also be considering your feelings here..
I think you should be frank with her this time.. just yes/no.. you cannot wait forever! And she have to make her signals clear.

Ya thats what I did. But now I feel kinda stupid for doing it in a email cause now I just feel like I'm "waiting" for her reply now. And I cant contact her again cause I told her in the email I wouldnt so...lol...I guess I'm done. Its only been 2 days and I knows it going to be hard on her and I don't want to force her into a relationship because it doesnt work that way. At the same time, she is making it hard on me.

[Pectabyte]

timeless86
You are the first person on this forum I have seen act thoughtfully, maturely and correct. You absolutely made the right decision. As much as it may hurt to let someone go, if that is what ends up happening, you should pat yourself on the back for being a model human being in this sense.

[doppelgaenger]

timeless86
You are the first person on this forum I have seen act thoughtfully, maturely and correct. You absolutely made the right decision. As much as it may hurt to let someone go, if that is what ends up happening, you should pat yourself on the back for being a model human being in this sense.

Haha, yourself included, dumbo. After that comment you made towards Ladienisha, frankly you don't have any room for such comments.

[Mish]

Did I do the right thing??

You did, though I wouldn't have spent such a long time waiting. I would just go for a kiss and then everything would sort itself out.

[timeless86]

You did, though I wouldn't have spent such a long time waiting. I would just go for a kiss and then everything would sort itself out.

I KNOW!! I learned my lesson.

It's just that she really got me feeling bad for her and the way she said things it sounded as if she cared and that she really did want time.

I still don't know if I'll hear from her though.

I can't help but wonder if I will because we've been really close since we met and it hurts so much to let her go but the logic I used was:

Since she is obviously afraid then she has to now weigh her fear to how much I'm worth to her.

If her fear is greater than what I mean to her then I'm not worth much to her, so she wont reply and I can let her go.

If I mean more to her than what her fear is then she'll come back and pick something.

Make sense, doesn't it?

Either way, there's closure to this. And thats what I want.

[Pectabyte]

Haha, yourself included, dumbo. After that comment you made towards Ladienisha, frankly you don't have any room for such comments.

"Dumbo"? Do your parents approve of you using the internet?

[First]

i wasnt wit it at "I waited 7 months for her." wtf is wrong wit u mo? u need to step ur swag game up and just smash tha b.

waitin is fo cornballs.