BF watches porn.

[elbee]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years already. Our sex life has gone...well...it's gone. I was on the birth control pill for quite a while when I figured the depo shot would be so much easier, so I switched. Ever since I switched, my sex drive has gone so low. I hated to have sex and it would even hurt sometimes. I dreaded when he would ask me to have sex and I just had to say yes to make him happy. I was getting sick of arguing all the time about me never wanting to have sex with him so I just recently switched back to the pills. It's been a little over a month and it's gotten a little better. I don't really get horny. When he asks to have sex, I don't dread or mind it. I never ask him for it though. It doesn't hurt and it feels good to me now. But throughout this entire time, my boyfriend watches porn and hides it from me. I don't understand why he does it if we have sex anyway. It really bothers me too. It bothers me that he's getting pleasure from other girls if I can give him that same pleasure. And it bothers me even more that he hides it. I have to ask him a million times and he never even admits to doing it. I find like a sock or a shirt with cum on it and that's how I find out he did. We just argued about him doing this and why he does it and he said he has a problem but I don't buy it...Someone help me please...

[doppelgaenger]

Why do people get that ****ing shot? It's common sense that the instinct to **** is tied together with the one to reproduce... you take away the hormone that makes you reproduce, you take away the hormone that makes you want to ****... but yet people alter their chemical makeup because they're too lazy to practice safe sex with condoms and other forms of contraception.

Anyway, it's not good for your relationship that he hides things from you. His hiding porn from you is a symbol of your (both of you) communication. Before you take the liberty in getting pissed at him for watching porn, I think you need to establish a better communication. Christ, you've been together for 4 years, this should have been there a long time ago. Try to get him to talk to you more about these things. Don't nag him about it, don't make him feel bad. Just get him to talk about it. It's important for you to be open with each other.

In any case, he may not stop watching porn. It's addictive, a lot of us have been there. It really is addicting, and it can be a problem. If it's something he wants though, you may have to accept that or move on... which in my opinion, shouldn't really bother you. I think you're upset about the wrong things... you seem more upset about his watching porn than his hiding stuff from you!

[elbee]

Yeah I totally regret ever getting that shot. It just messed everything up. And I'm thinking of just stopping birth control all together and just use condoms because of my sex drive.

And I know exactly what you mean. I really just need to talk to him rather than just yelling at him about it. I'm not gonna lie but I'm extremely jealous and insecure which doesn't help at all. I get so mad at him when he looks at another girl who is attractive. I'm just gaining weight and never really try to make myself look pretty so I get mad when he looks at girls who are skinny and hot because I feel like he would rather have them than me.

Wow I need help.

[Mish]

It bothers me that he's getting pleasure from other girls if I can give him that same pleasure.

Is that really what he's doing though? They are not other girls, they are just pictures on the screen, they are fantasy. Like having a wet dream. It is you that he is with.

4 years is a long time and it could be that he just wants a little bit of variety to the routines. He is not breaking your trust with someone else, not breaking any promises. Why not let him do that? Is this more about you feeling inadequate next to them?

[doppelgaenger]

I totally know what you mean. There are many women who would be jealous about it, and are. Instead of yelling at him about it, you should tell him how it makes you feel, and that you want to try to understand his need to watch porn and stuff. Tell him that you want to have an honest open relationship and that you're sorry for yelling at him instead of focusing directly on the problem. Once you apologize about that and explain to him, he will feel obligated to be more open with you. It may take a while though.

As for your personal insecurities, maybe you should exercise more and try to look good for him. You've been together for 4 years, so it's likely that whatever competition you're perceiving is an illusion derived from your insecurities. It sounds like he is giving you a lot of attention, since you have sex quite often. Maybe you could always hint to him that you want to hear compliments. My girlfriend fishes for compliments all the time, and I douse her with them. It's cute.

I hope that helps you with your problems

[elbee]

Is this more about you feeling inadequate next to them?

Yeah pretty much. We both go to school together and have alot of classes together and there are so many pretty girls that are in our classes. And when he just glances at them I get so mad. There are times I just wake up mad and I'm in the mood the entire day and I act mad at him. He argues you know why are you mad at me, I never did anything. i just think to myself i know why I'm mad...i'm jealous because i know you're gonna look at those other girls...I just ignore him and continue to act mad, which just draws him away from me. I do the same thing with my family...I just decide to act mad just to not deal with anything...just so no one will talk to me...I like being left alone sometimes...

[Mish]

I do the same thing with my family...I just decide to act mad just to not deal with anything...just so no one will talk to me...I like being left alone sometimes...

And does it work for you? Is it effective? Why not just say that you would like to be left alone without acting mad?

You know, looking at other girls is an impulse, not many guys can control that. If it is making you jealous maybe it is a good time to explore why. Maybe it's due to personal insecurities, the way you feel about yourself. It could be something to do with self esteem. Look into it a bit more and maybe you will find out better ways to deal with it.

[Desinate]

*Facedesk*
I'm too tired and don't know enough to reply to your whole post..
But I think its just stupid how some women get jealous of porn.. Or think its cheating..

[sweetvalley26]

why not try to watch porn with him? it will get him to openly discuss the subject with you..not only that if he like a certiain genre of porn you may be able to act it out for him..making it so that every time he watches porn he thinks about how you did it better...i say take an intrest on it i might better help your relationship...it helped mine... now we watch porn togerther and openly make suggestions to make our sex life better...

[The_bobb]

...And I'm thinking of just stopping birth control all together and just use condoms because of my sex drive...

This, isn't that bad of an idea. Pills actually cause weight gain and lower sex drive. and condoms are way cheaper. So, cut out the pills, exercise a little bit to work off any extra weight that you gained on the pills. And bump uglies until he's too tired to watch porn. Which is good, because sex burns a lot of calories.

On a related note, watching porn, and taking a glance at other girls is NOT cheating. And it's NOT something you should get bent out of shape over. Your boyfriend hasn't done anything to deserve your mistrust. The reason he HID the porn from you is pretty obvious. He was afraid you'd act, EXACTLY like your acting.

In conclusion, i would seriously look into switching to condoms. And kick the pills out. When there's a problem, you find the source of the problem and rid yourself of it.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe he just wants to see girls that actually seem like they WANT sex, unlike you. Imagine the pleasure you could be giving him if you were interested in him, not just fulfilling his needs because you feel it's your duty.

Oh, and are you going through his laundry to find these cum-soaked socks or is he leaving them on the floor? I'm not sure which is more gross.

[Aeradalia]

Guys look at other women, it's an impulse... they really can't help it... and so long as they're not downright staring... or actually trying to touch the woman... there's no harm, no foul. You are with a man... not another woman... so naturally, his behavior will be different.

Porn is a recorded sexual event by strangers... they are more or less 'actors' just like any other movie. In real life the people in the porno probably don't like each other or even know each other very well.

A woman can watch a heartfelt movie about two lovers trying to overcome the odds so they can be together and really be drawn into it... The woman watching it isn't in love with the guy in the movie... and she doesn't know the woman in the movie either.. she is reminded of how love feels by the actions of the characters. She may may not desire the guy specifically.. she just likes how it feels to be reminded of love.

A man can watch a porno more tailored to his sexual instincts and really be drawn into it.... The man watching it isn't infatuated by the woman in the porno, he's not in love with her... and he doesn't know the man in the porno either... yet he can still be reminded of the intensity of sex itself. The characters in the porno are just there to create the semblance of sex... the guy doesn't desire the woman specifically... he just desires sex.

Asking a guy to give up porno's because of your insecurities is like him asking you to give up romance movies because of his insecurities. They're just people on TV... it's a fantasy world. You can no more lose him to the 'mostly plastic' wet dream on the TV.. any more than he can lose you to the handsome, sensitive hunk on the movie.

When you think about it... you have to admit... this is all kind of silly to get worked up over...

[lesa]

why not try to watch porn with him? it will get him to openly discuss the subject with you..not only that if he like a certiain genre of porn you may be able to act it out for him..making it so that every time he watches porn he thinks about how you did it better...i say take an intrest on it i might better help your relationship...it helped mine... now we watch porn togerther and openly make suggestions to make our sex life better...

F*** that!

[Petit Papillon]

my boyfriend watches porn...

SO WHAT?

...and hides it from me.

If You wouldn't have a big pickle in Your ass ,he wouldn't do that.Gosh...Why do some girls consider pornography as a damn problem?? Even I used to watch this and I'm not a pervert because of that...

[The_bobb]

SO WHAT?




If You wouldn't have a big pickle in Your ass ,he wouldn't do that.Gosh...Why do some girls consider pornography as a damn problem?? Even I used to watch this and I'm not a pervert because of that...

I wonder sometimes....