What Am I Afraid Of?

[Aeradalia]

At work I often have times of solitude in which my thoughts can wander as I carry on my duties for the day. It was then I started thinking about my bf, as I often do... and my thoughts diverged.

On one hand I really want to believe that he loves me completely, that this is a good thing, and he will return to me very much in love. On the other hand, I can't help but to wonder if I am just helping him to endure the rough times in a strange land, that whatever love he may feel is weak or faded, and when he returns he may not feel much at all for me anymore.

These thoughts tend to be quite common for me, as LDR's can take quite a toll on a person's trust and insecurities. It was in the midst of these 'routine thoughts' that I wondered what is it that I really fear here? Am I afraid that he does love me? Or am I afraid that he doesn't?

As anyone else ever wondered about something similar like this? If so, how did you allay these fears?

[Sonrisa]

that's why i'd have never an LDR.

[Mish]

Ditto, it's hard enough being in a normal relationship.

Well, it's okay to have all of these fears Dalia, just don't let them become you. Sometimes it's easier to just take things as they are, one day at a time and let what happens happen.

[Sonrisa]

does he give you any reassurance?

[Junket]

does he give you any reassurance?

This is a valid question.

If you spend more time wondering about your relationship, rather than engaging it, (in this case, by talking to him when you can), you would be a lot better off.

[LoveHurts09]

This is a valid question.

If you spend more time wondering about your relationship, rather than engaging it, (in this case, by talking to him when you can), you would be a lot better off.

im confused by that... did u mean if she spent more time talking to him then she'd be better of? (maybe im just too tired to read straight?)

i would agree with that.

[Aeradalia]

does he give you any reassurance?

Yeah.. he gives me reassurance... we talk whenever we can... btw, this relationship did not start out as an LDR... and he'll be back in June.

I guess everything as of late is really starting to get to me. I'm not sure....

[Junket]

Try waiting 'til June to be sure about being unsure about anything.

[timeless86]

At work I often have times of solitude in which my thoughts can wander as I carry on my duties for the day. It was then I started thinking about my bf, as I often do... and my thoughts diverged.

On one hand I really want to believe that he loves me completely, that this is a good thing, and he will return to me very much in love. On the other hand, I can't help but to wonder if I am just helping him to endure the rough times in a strange land, that whatever love he may feel is weak or faded, and when he returns he may not feel much at all for me anymore.

These thoughts tend to be quite common for me, as LDR's can take quite a toll on a person's trust and insecurities. It was in the midst of these 'routine thoughts' that I wondered what is it that I really fear here? Am I afraid that he does love me? Or am I afraid that he doesn't?

As anyone else ever wondered about something similar like this? If so, how did you allay these fears?

I'm sorry. Im new here. I dont have the full story...

[Aeradalia]

I'm sorry. Im new here. I dont have the full story...

My bf and I started a relationship earlier last year, then he left for Iraq in January, and he won't be back till June. So I've had some time to get to know him before he left, but I guess my insecurities are getting the better of me as time goes by.

[timeless86]

My bf and I started a relationship earlier last year, then he left for Iraq in January, and he won't be back till June. So I've had some time to get to know him before he left, but I guess my insecurities are getting the better of me as time goes by.

Oh ok, I got it. Can I give you some advice?

"On one hand I really want to believe that he loves me completely, that this is a good thing, and he will return to me very much in love. On the other hand, I can't help but to wonder if I am just helping him to endure the rough times in a strange land, that whatever love he may feel is weak or faded, and when he returns he may not feel much at all for me anymore."

Notice how you put your insecurities on the "other hand". This means that your SECOND guessing your original thoughts.

Never second guess yourself. Everything will fall in place if its there. Just as long as you don't second guess yourself. Focus on what you want.

[Pectabyte]

Forgive me but what is an "LDR"?

I think we have all been in a situation of having to wait and being our worst enemy of "what if this? What if that?" but one thing I have learned from those experiences is sitting around worrying about it doesn't solve or help anything. Typically what ends up happening isn't even something you anticipated.

If he comes back and still loves you and you two ride off into the sunset being totally in love with each other then having worried about it would make you feel foolish and silly.

On the other hand if he tells you "Hey... I think its over and umm... I've been sleeping with your friend Cindy" then of course you will feel awfully but in the end it will be for the better no matter how much it doesn't seem that way at the time.

So whats to worry about? Either way you will live to worry another day...

[timeless86]

Forgive me but what is an "LDR"

Long Distance Relationship

[doppelgaenger]

My girlfriend and I share the same kind of angst with our LDR. Fortunately we maintain *daily* contact, either by email, instant message, video chat, call, or text message. Most of the time, she is reassuring enough of our love that I feel secure and happy... only during an argument, and long periods of time without contact do I feel insecure and hopeless. So what do I do to allay those thoughts? Well, I just simply write her an email. I really do feel quite relieved after I do that. And twice as good when I receive her response.

I also try not to count down days or time either... makes time seem slower. If you just focus on the tasks at hand, do the things you enjoy, time goes by fast. Then you realize it's only 23 days left until you get to see them, and you ask yourself "Wow, where did all that time go?"

Anyway I am getting rather off topic. Yes, I do start asking myself what I am afraid of when I start feeling insecure... it's because there's nothing in the back of your mind about that person that makes you wonder if they are good enough. So you ask yourself what you're worrying for. Worrying for nothing. It's your defense mechanism reacting towards a phantom attack.

[Pectabyte]

Ohhh Long Distance Relationship as in an E-Relationship. I don't care how much you think you are in love with someone or how much World of Warcraft you play E-Relationships fail for a reason.