your first time.

[CR's Baby Girl]

so if i just relax and not really think about it does that help? i have heard that if you arent relaxed it will not be as comfortable for you so you have to make sure you are completely relaxed. any suggestions on what to do so i dont think about it and can relax more?
i also had a question about condoms...do the prelubricated ones work or is it safer to get the ones that arent and just use lube each time? or does it matter? i have a feeling that this is going to happen really soon and all these questions keep coming up about it. thank you all for all of your help and advice. i really appreciate it and it has helped alot.

[Sami09]

Cool girl How old are you. I am 20 and dated him now for 15 months like i said before he was my first everything kiss, sex. I know the fact that he was my first kiss sounds bad cause i was 19 when we starting dating and the fact that he was my first bf he so sweet. . He wasnt a virgin himself. about 6 months into my relationship i knew i loved him that why i lost it to him and i still love him. I

I'm the same as you Sami, well, Sorta. But it was nearly our 7 months together when I first lost it. I've been with him for eleven months now and he was my first everything'. Ditto to him. Well. Except his first kiss.

[CR's Baby Girl]

Cool girl How old are you. I am 20 and dated him now for 15 months like i said before he was my first everything kiss, sex. I know the fact that he was my first kiss sounds bad cause i was 19 when we starting dating and the fact that he was my first bf he so sweet. . He wasnt a virgin himself. about 6 months into my relationship i knew i loved him that why i lost it to him and i still love him. I

i am 18 and i have been with my guy for 5 months next week. i have dated a lot of guys but none like him. i knew from the day that i met him that there was a connection of some sort. we both did but neither one of us would admit it b/c we are both very stubborn and so much alike. so we thought we hated each other and wouldnt even talk. and then one day i decided to be stupid and send him one of those guess who emails. and we just started talking more and more until one day i had the courage to give him my number and from that point on things just got better and better. we shocked everyone we knew b/c they thought we couldnt stand each other. i have the best relationship with him. we are 100% open and honest about everything. we have even takin the time to actually talk about having sex and getting bc and condoms. he insists that he goes with me to the doctor to get the birth control and that he pays for half of the total cost. he is being so amazing. that is why i am so excited to have him be my first and hopefully my only. i honestly feel that i am in love with him. on top of everything he does for me he also puts up with my parents who are total jerks to him. any guy that can handle them is a keeper.

[daletom]

so if i just relax and not really think about it does that help? i have heard that if you arent relaxed it will not be as comfortable for you so you have to make sure you are completely relaxed. any suggestions on what to do so i dont think about it and can relax more?

Did you look at the other links I put up for you? There are a lot of suggestions there. I'm glad you're actually discussing, and planning this, with your B/F - maybe the two of you should read through that material together.

If I had to summarize it, I'd say:
1. Get comfortable with each others' orgasmic response. That means, learn to get each other off with hands, mouths, humping, heavy petting, etc. The stuff that's now sometimes called "outercourse". Hopefully you'll learn to pleasure, and appreciate, each others' bodies by doing this for several days, or several months, before attempting intercourse.
2. Allow lots of time together. Like, most of a day - or all night - as a minimum. A whole weekend together is better. Use the "together time" to work up to the "undressed time".
3. Get some privacy. Nobody else in the house. Or rent a room - some downtown hotels that host mostly business travelers have bargain weekend packages that include a room, some meals, and often tickets to things like sports events, concerts, etc.
4. When the time is near - start by giving each other an orgasm. He needs it to slow down his response, and to get the patience he'll need to be gentle. Make sure he knows this is going to happen, so he cooperates with you. You need it to guarantee that you'll be as open, lubricated, and relaxed as you'll ever be.
5. As your contractions subside - get on top and guide him in. You need the freedom of movement to get the positioning and angles just right for you. He can't feel what you're feeling, so you have to adjust things until it feels right for you. It's not a matter of control so much as you're the one who's best able to make it work right.
6. Once inside, he probably won't last long.
7. In the moments and minutes afterwards, be very open and sensitive to each other. You will both probably be more emotionally naked than any other time in your lives. You have the potential to do real emotional harm to each other, or yourselves. It's impossible to say how EITHER of you will feel - you may want to cuddle naked forever, or cover up and ask him/her to leave until you're dressed; you may be sobbing or laughing giddy; you may need time together or time alone.
8. Do something together - take a walk; watch a movie; go out for desert. Talk about what you did or felt if you'd like - and let him/her talk or not as it seems best.
9. Do it again when you're ready. Physiologically, it should be much better. Emotionally, I hope it's much different.

i also had a question about condoms...

Especially if it's your first time - I hope you can dispense with condoms. If there is a torn hymen, or minor abrasions in her vagina, the condom, or lube, or spermicide, may aggravate it. Try to use another form of birth control. And hopefully, there's a level of honesty and trust between you two that STD's aren't an issue. (If that's not true - you may have the wrong partner.)

Condoms will also be one more thing to worry about in a situation where you're already nervous and uncertain. Even for experienced partners they often disrupt the flow of lovemaking, though many have learned to incorporate them as part of their sexual routine. And (unfortunately) many young people don't use them effectively, leading to a false sense of security and "surprises". Learn to use them properly, early in your relationship, but your very first time is not a good time for that lesson.

(Before somebody flames me - I DID NOT SAY "Don't use condoms.". I DID say, "Try to address the VERY REAL problems of birth control and STD's with other methods.".)

[CR's Baby Girl]

thanks. that helps a lot. i was not able to get on the links you sent b/c it says you must be a memeber. and i forwarded the information you posted to my b/f. you guys have all been a great help.

[daletom]

thanks. that helps a lot. i was not able to get on the links you sent b/c it says you must be a memeber. . . .

Just click on "Register" and become a member - it's free, they DO NOT spam you, and a very good site to check out. They only ask that you be at least 13(!) yrs old, and have an email address.

[CR's Baby Girl]

awesome. thanks i will do that as soon as i get done in this meeting.

[CR's Baby Girl]

i never did get the chance to go look at those sites but i was with my guy for 8 hours yesterday and we were alone the whole time. needless to say we had two firsts yesterday! the bj wasnt the greatest but the sex was...it didnt hurt at all like i expected it to...probably b/c i took your guys advice and relaxed and enjoyed it. thank you all so much. you helped make my first so much more enjoyable.

[Exodus]

awesome!! Thats so cool that it was great your first time, thats something you'll always remember

[blue_moon2]

daletom thats great info. its very true and very helpfull.