life

[zerokool189]

So, I've been going through a lot lately...

First let me start by describing my personality. I am the guy who puts himself last, just to make other happy. I also dont like to confront people on things to avoid any problems and keep everyone happy. Well, by doing that I hurt myself... Last year I graduated from college with a job lined up. That job offer fell through, we all know times are tough and companies arent hiring. Well my stepfather has a lobbying firm and represents a number of school districts. He said I could join him and that it would be a great opportunity because i could meet many powerful people and possibly end up doing something that I enjoy. Well he is the type that has an enormous ego and loves to bring other people down to inflate his own ego. his two sons who are 10 years older than me, also lobby for some districts and work in the office next to his. they too, have the same enormous ego and do the same things... funny thing is when they are all together all the do is argue and bash each other. they are the type of people that tell you where to turn when you are driving them, even when you know where you are going. they tell you how to live your life and what to do all the time. my stepfather insisted that i buy a house. I didnt feel 100% ready, but he assured me that its the best thing i could possibly do. well i did it, i am really struggling to pay for everything. It has been a year now, I am not into politics.. in fact, i really dislike this system we have here. everyone just says whatever would make them look good and follow their party. i basically work with a bunch of empty suits.

here is my problem, i get bashed all the time by them. i dont say anything because i dont want to mess anything up. i have big responsibilities, like my house. i feel that if i were to walk away i couldnt continue to pay for it. and we all know i probably couldnt sell it right now either. I did get a really good deal on it.

My stepfather is giving me "options" as to what i can do in the future. he is retiring this year and he wants me to work with his boys, i hate them and couldnt stomach the idea of working with them. they talk me down in front of other people too.. i get soo pissed i just want to jump up and beat the crap out of them.

I dont like the work but i do a good job with it. i do all the crappy research and presentations and all the hard work while they sit around and tell everyone that they did all the stuff.

also my personal life is in jambles. I love my g/f. she had a falling out with her roommates last year, she wanted to stay with me until she found a new place to live. we were dating for about 4 months when i bought the house. she moved in, after a while she complained about her job so she quit. shes in school just got a new job, but she is still living with me. I hold it all in to make everyone happy. we've had a few fights and shes said shell move out, but i always tell her its ok. so now after she starts her job, she'll start to pay me some money so i will have some help. we have been living together now for 6 months... it was only supposed to be 3.. and she wanted a damn dog and i was able to fight it off for about 5 months but she wouldnt stop. she is very dependent on me and she always gets what she wants. it pisses me off, when i try to talk to her about my problems at work she just says theyre family that i should put up with it. well i cant!

I truely hate these people, they bring me down soooo far. they make me feel like a piece of shit. im sitting here at my desk, ready to cry. I really dont know what to do.

my real dad had given me some money to play around with stocks, and ive had some luck so far. If i get a job that pays less, i could probably pick up the difference with some stock money.

i did actually try to get another job with the other guy next door that sold printing. it was a big time failure, he said times have changed and people do most things themselves.. well the step family uses that as ammunition, they always tell me how much of a failure i was as a printer.

im at the point of saying screw it and moving very far away from EVERYTHING. I dont want to hurt my dad by doing so, i live about 8 hours from him and call him a lot. hes really helped me out. he gave me some money for the house and asked if i was really sure if i wanted to do all this for the rest of my life and i told him yes, i didnt know what the hell i was thinking. hes really helped me out a lot. i really think i hurt him when i told him i was going to work with my stepdad...

im also thinking about going to see a psychiatrist...

[vashti]

It sounds like you have some very big issues with setting boundaries, and rather than take responsibility for your weaknesses, you blame everyone else for them. If you don't learn to take responsibility and set boundaries, your life will never change. People in general accept a position of leadership when they see that the other person they are dealing with is weak. It's human nature. So yeah, you could quit this job (in this economy, I'm not sure I would do that without another one lined up), but you will end up dealing with other people who are strong - and again, you will be "talked down to".

[zerokool189]

Well my problem is that they are family. my mom relies on my stepdad to have the life she has. I don't want to mess anything up with them. To be honest, I never talk to them. Every time I say a joke or try to start a conversation, they either ignore me (they really do) or they repeat the joke to me making it sound like they said it. Its like I don't exist around them