It's like im chasing after him all the time nowadays!?

[x---beckie]

He normally rings me at random times during the week and especially saturday mornings. He didnt.
He normally talks first on MSN. He didnt.
Soo I said hey first and after talking for a bit he said he wasn't in the best of moods because his friend has been locked up for 6 years quite far from where we live.

Do you think this is why he didn't ring?

After we talked he said he was going and was gonna ring me. He rang me but he didn't seen to wanna talk really. He then said he was gonna go coz he was gonna ring his friend to see what he was doing and that he would ring me back in a couple of minutes. He never rang back and this isn't him ..do you think hes gone off me? How do I get him back? Its like i'm chasing him all the time nowadays! How can I get him to chase me back

[carl1222]

He has a distraction right now with a friend who is in an awful jam and needs his friendship and support right now ...

And all you are concerned about is who is chasing whom in your relationship?

(whacks nose with newspaper) "Bad girlfriend!"

Carl.

[denfor25]

....And all you are concerned about is who is chasing whom in your relationship? ....
Carl.

How the heck women can blame the men for being insensitive! Here is the real example of insensitive and ego-centric GF and yet no women provided any comment in this thread; are you ALL ok with what she is doing?! Are you all quietly AGREE with her???

[Lite]

Here is the real example of insensitive and ego-centric GF and yet no women provided any comment in this thread; are you ALL ok with what she is doing?! Are you all quietly AGREE with her???

Actually, you're kind of jumping at shadows here.

They have a pattern that she is used to, the pattern broke, and it concerned her. So rather than wait further for him to call, she called him to see what was up. He's upset, she doesn't like not being called back when he said he would.

So, basically there's a communication issue. He's pretty upset about his friend, and it's thrown his world a bit out of whack.

Now, either she can chill out and wait for his brain to catch up, or give him his grieving space and still reassure him that she'll still be there. Or she can throw a fit about him not calling her enough and not be understanding when he's mourning.

[lahnnabell]

Actually, carl said it perfectly. Nothing more really needed to be said. I think that's why no one else responded.

[HeavyArtillery]

How can I get him to chase me back

Show him your boobs

[atenn]

You should do the opposite of what you're doing now. You are being predictablr which is boring to men. Don't contact him for at least a day or two and he'll contact you.

[vashti]

I agree with Lite. This is just not characteristic of the way the communication usually works between them, so beckie is feeling unstable.

Beckie - you need to be a little more flexible when big things happen, sweety. Your BF sounds like he needs a little understanding from you rather than insecurity.

[Aeradalia]

If she knew he was in shock by his friend's predicament (after contacting him first)... how come that didn't carry over to being the first possible explanation for him not replying later on?

I'm sorry... but overwhelming circumstances tend to trump routines... and are usually expected to throw routine out the window for a bit as well.

Strikes me as odd for someone to expect their bf to adhere to a routine when it's obvious they are in emotional distress.

That's like expecting bf to call her during a funeral because that's about the same time he normally calls her.

So what if he didn't respond? She already knew he was in turmoil after contacting him the first time. Seems to be that she doesn't understand that routine is subject to circumstance --- in that routine is conditional and when the conditions/circumstances change... so do routines.

I hope she learns to be more flexible... knowing how to 'go with the flow' is a must for a successful relationship.

[denfor25]

....

That's like expecting bf to call her during a funeral because that's about the same time he normally calls her. ...

basically Beckie wants 100% commitment from him; no his own life, no distractions. It is called female ego; desire to be Number One in his life.

check this out from "what woman want" book:
"What irks us is ... when she wangs her finger at us and says: For goodness sake, realize that you are not a center of universe.
What she really wants us to realize, SHE is the center of universe. Introducing: the fabled female ego... The key feature of female ego is an insatiable need for adoration.
Man have to realize that in a relationship a woman wants and needs to feel as she is the only woman - the most beautiful woman, the sexiest, most wonderful woman in his life. A woman needs to be number one..."

edit: ignoring female's need "to be number one" is not good unless a guy want to be end up single; if a guy in question would know about this, he would call her up asking something like: "hey, I want to check your opinion on something, my friend is locked up, what should I do?", that way, he would made her feel special; instead, poor guy is in trouble for ignoring her.
paying attention to another person need does not take a lot of effort but goes a long way...
o well, eventually he may learn...

[lastwish]

If the guy ignores you for a long time and you heard nothing from him except some vague excuse about a friend's trouble then you aren't a big part of his life in the first place.

[Lite]

If the guy ignores you for a long time and you heard nothing from him except some vague excuse about a friend's trouble then you aren't a big part of his life in the first place.

Define a long time. A day, two days, a week?

Maybe a few minutes or hours? When someone is grieving, their normal behavior changes. Not everyone grieves in the same manner.

[denfor25]

.... When someone is grieving, their normal behavior changes. Not everyone grieves in the same manner.

female desire "to be the One" is entirely natural, instinctive way to check a male's commitment to take care of her and future offspring; a male can grieve all he wants about whatever he wants and try to justify to her why he did not call; BUT female might prefer somebody who values HER more then locked-up friend, and she, as female, is right...

[lastwish]

Define a long time. A day, two days, a week?

Maybe a few minutes or hours? When someone is grieving, their normal behavior changes. Not everyone grieves in the same manner.

I'll say more than a week. Wanting to help a friend and missing them is perfectly understandable and is a trait of a loyal friend but if the guy completely forgets his responsibility to his women to grieve over other things then he probably doesn't have the emotional stability to be in a relationship. The guy needs to keep his priorities straight. Becky mentioned that he didn't even call her back when he said he will. That is one of the first signs of negligence. If two people decides to go for the long haul, then they will probably experience many instances of tragedies (deaths of family and friends, etc). Both of them need to have the emotional capability to deal with these things while not neglecting each other, their family, and the people around them.

[Lite]

female desire "to be the One" is entirely natural, instinctive way to check a male's commitment to take care of her and future offspring; a male can grieve all he wants about whatever he wants and try to justify to her why he did not call; BUT female might prefer somebody who values HER more then locked-up friend, and she, as female, is right...

She, as female, isn't right. That's actually a bullshit answer. What would be right is if she felt that his priorities did not match hers, and therefore maybe the relationship wasn't a good match.

However, I had a wife pull that same bullshit after my best friend's father died, and I spent a lot of time over 2 weeks helping him, and his family, through it. Including opening our home up to his family after the funeral against her wishes.

While I appreciate that a wife is one's family after marriage, (Something that is not part of what the woman posted, as they are dating, not even engaged...) sometimes you have to allow the other person to step out of their routine for a bit in order to let them tidy up life details in the manner that they need to. Which means you temporarily take a back seat as priority.

If you are unable to do this, then you're selfish in a bad way.

Bullshit behavior, regardless of the sex of the person perpetrating said bullshit behavior, is still bullshit behavior. I have met entirely too many women in my life who demand to forever be a man's center of attention above all else, at the cost of all else. No woman is worth giving up who you are. No man is worth giving up who you are.