Sex once a month?

[KidA]

I've been with the boyfriend for 3 years. We live together. In the beginning we had sex any chance we got 6-7 times a week. Then it began to slow down a bit... but even then my bf always wanted to have sex. but things began to become boring. But we'd still have sex at least twice a week. Now my bf, who used to always want it, all of a sudden NEVER wants it. Infact, i find him looking at porn everyday and doing his business more than we do it. He sounds like a woman and has come up with the worst excuses.
1. he's tired
2. he's not fresh
3. his stomach hurts
4. he's "not in the mood"
5. he has a head ache
6. best excuse of all "we should wait till we're married" wtf?!?!

we probably have sex once a month, if that. and because Im too embarrased to ask for it sometimes because of his bad excuses, i only initiate it once in a while and thats when he turns me down. I even try to spice things up to get his attention and he still rejects me. it hurts a lot. and when we do have sex, he doesn't even do foreplay, its all his.

he's not anymore stressed than normal, and he's not physically cheating because we're together all of the time.

my only guess would be that he not attracted to me anymore. any guesses?

ive tried talking to him, but he gets mad and says nothing is wrong and im being overdramatic. but still no sex

[Pikabu]

JMO, and I'm sure I'll get screamed at for it, but if he's looking at porn "everyday" he's basically training his mind to believe sexual stimulation is best when there's zero intimacy/emotional involvement, and literally no pressure on him to perform whatsoever. Just a guess...

PS... nice username.

[ecojeanne]

well i have no experience with longterm relationships but maybe you should spice things up to make it more exciting for you both. like the monogamy board game...very cool, i played it, dress up as a sexc nurse or something like that, tie him up and spank him...ooo yaaa, role play...i pretended to rape my ex when we were together-he loved it...try something new, i say start with the monogamy game, it will ease him in.

[Lipp]

Infact, i find him looking at porn everyday and doing his business more than we do it.

For one, while rarely as good even guys who regularly have sex are likely to look at porn and get off since sometimes its just a stress reliever (or just for the hell of it) without the fuss and even when not in the mood for the real thing.

He sounds like a woman and has come up with the worst excuses.
1. he's tired
2. he's not fresh
3. his stomach hurts
4. he's "not in the mood"
5. he has a head ache
6. best excuse of all "we should wait till we're married" wtf?!?!

Worst excuses? How about honest excuses? What exactly is a "good excuse" in your opinion?

All of them sound like good reasons, for one it's not the same thing each time (chronic headaches or always ill).
The "wait until marriage" thing is something that the two of you should discuss as a couple, not just mention it and shrug it off.

we probably have sex once a month, if that. and because Im too embarrased to ask for it sometimes because of his bad excuses, i only initiate it once in a while and thats when he turns me down. I even try to spice things up to get his attention and he still rejects me. it hurts a lot. and when we do have sex, he doesn't even do foreplay, its all his.

You both have communication issues to deal with. If the two of you can't have a sensible discussion with him calling it overdramatic and you being bothered it's an issue to deal with. Easiest way to do it? Learn to talk to eachother.

he's not anymore stressed than normal, and he's not physically cheating because we're together all of the time.

my only guess would be that he not attracted to me anymore. any guesses?

ive tried talking to him, but he gets mad and says nothing is wrong and im being overdramatic. but still no sex

Being together all of the time (not taken literally, but basically around eachother alot) is not really a good thing. Even the best couples can get bored if spending their days together constantly.

[misombra]

no foreplay? as in the man just thinks it's okay to penetrate somebody all of a sudden?

put him out on the curb.

[Gigabitch]

I think this is worrisome. If he had always been like this, that would be one thing, but it's the sudden change that's the trouble.

Okay, have you recently had one of those "Where is this relationship going?" conversations? Were kids mentioned? Is there a chance that he's worried about getting you pregnant?

Does he have any other new behaviors that might lead you to think that he's involved with someone else?

What kind of porn is he looking at? Is it just the usual stuff, or is he going off into new territory?

[KidA]

Well spicing things up.. tried everything but the role playing and the games or the outfits he says they're weird and make him uncomfortable.

his excuses aren't good ones because i know he's lying. if i go up to him and kiss him on his neck, before i even initiate anything he's yelling out an excuse as if he knows whats on my ming already. he said the waiting for marriage was a joke.

i tried talking to him last night and he got pissed off and told me he has nothing to say to me.

and the porn is fine, i dont care but when he's more stimulated or more into it ALL of the time than he is with me I feel it becomes a problem.

and we're not together all of the time. we live together, we're in the same house, but most of the time we are in separate rooms... and do have lots of space from each other.

also i do alot for him. im not that bitchy girlfriend or anything. he has a wall built around him at times.

the only thing sexual he seems to like is oral... when i do it to him.

[misombra]

so, why are you still with this person?

[KidA]

To throw away 3 years over sex... is that even right?

[misombra]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes!

it WILL turn into more than sex and then you will have many other reasons.

guaranteed.

[Gigabitch]

You're going to ignore my questions completely?

[bluesummer]

To throw away 3 years over sex... is that even right?

People underestimate the importance of a healthy sex life in a relationship (healthy meaning it works well for BOTH partners).

Are you waiting to get married and end up doing it once a year before you realize that this is an issue? Plus, he won't even talk about it. Sounds like a big, big problem.

I don't know, if I'd put in the effort to try and communicate so things could be fixed and he was still nonresponsive, I'd be out the door.

[Mish]

It's a tricky situation because it does become boring after a couple of years. You need to find new ways to explore your sexuality. You need to know you partner more as a person, to know what really turns him on.

It is a problem, something you will need to talk to him about. If unresolved, you may need to start thinking about moving on.

[KidA]

You're going to ignore my questions completely?

Sorry!! pregnancy is not an issue... And our relationship isn't having too many problems than normal.

His porn choices are normal... same as he's always looked at.

the only new behaviors he has are he seems to not want to invade my privacy like he did before. He used to always want to know what I was doing, who I was talking to, where I was going etc.. now he doesn't care anymore but wants privacy he never seem to want in the past.

You all are right... this could become an issue in the long run. But if I've tried talking about it, how do I let him know how I feel without him putting up a barrier like always.

[misombra]

marry him. have ten kids with him.