should i mention to my ex that i was nervous around her

[mark72]

Hi,

i was in a brief reletionship,(both in our 30's) 3 months and while at first the dating was exciting etc, that spark never really developed and this was the reason for our relationship ending , which ended on good terms. The thing is whilst i was with her for some reason i was nervous, which to be honest i have never had before, i was excited around her, which tipped into nerves and she picked up on this a few times as you would and thing is the more aware i was of it, the more i felt the nerves, even though we got on well this effected the free flowing of us and hence i think contributed towards the spark not igniting. Ok we are over now and did finish on good terms, the thing is , should i say to her that this is how i felt and i feel this was one of the reasons for the spark not happening?? or do women see this a weak thing? She is a very confident lady, however i have always gone for this type of character. I could also entertain the possibility of building up a friendship as i beleive onthis level the nerves will not be there as there will be not expectations.

Your thoughts please

[carl1222]

You're making a lot of assumptions as to why there was no spark. Are you saying that you were mutually disinterested romantically? It happens ... just not very often between two people who date.

Carl.

[jellybean]

i think u shud definitly mention it to her because maybe she thinks your not realy that interested ! i get the exact same way around guys and so do many other girls i know they can just hide it better. i met up with a guy once was soo nervous and didnt hear from him again until a couple of weeks, he told me he tot he f-ed it up because i didnt seem at all interested !!! ....so tell her im sure she will understand!

[mark72]

i think u shud definitly mention it to her because maybe she thinks your not realy that interested !

Hello,She knew i was interested for sure, i made it known what i think of her as i wear my heart on my sleeve and i treated her a few times to new experiences such as romantic weekends away, suprise flowers for no reason etc, however for some reason with her my excitement seemed to tip over into nerves and the more i was aware of this the more i seemed to be more nervous which may have effected the free flowing of us and could be one of the reasons why after the initial buzz of dating the spark didnt ignite. Ok we have now ended i could say maybe my nerves could be one of the reasons , however, maybe we just didnt click afterall on a romantic level. I feel now the best way to approach it is to see if she is interested in continueing with our friendship and see from there, as our relationship was brief there is no big feelings between us and no grudge, so friendship could be the best way and who knows , maybe on this level i will be totally relaxed with her as no expectations and things may flow freely, we may remain as friends or not...you never know

[Henry123]

Thats a good question. I have this phobia thing since I was a kid. I especially get anxious around women in general.

[1sxybtch]

i'm guessing if you were so nervous that it was affecting the way you interacted, that she probably picked up on that.

the real question is, would telling her make any difference? if you told her that you were nervous, would that make the case of nerves go away and make it easier to interact? if not, it probably wouldn't change the outcome of the relationship, so there's probably no point in telling her.

developing a friendship first, where you can feel comfortable together sounds like a good plan. that's what any good relationship should be built on anyway, so it's not like you have anything to lose in doing that. if, as you feel more comfortable together, something else develops, great. if not, at least you will have made a good friend.

good luck!

[mark72]

i'm guessing if you were so nervous that it was affecting the way you interacted, that she probably picked up on that.

the real question is, would telling her make any difference? if you told her that you were nervous, would that make the case of nerves go away and make it easier to interact? if not, it probably wouldn't change the outcome of the relationship, so there's probably no point in telling her.

developing a friendship first, where you can feel comfortable together sounds like a good plan. that's what any good relationship should be built on anyway, so it's not like you have anything to lose in doing that. if, as you feel more comfortable together, something else develops, great. if not, at least you will have made a good friend.

good luck!

Hi,Thanks for your comments and yes she did pick up those bloody nerves of mine, she did mention it and even said that we didn't seem to flow freely. Would it have made a difference with our interaction if those nerves werent there? yes, as i was not relaxed so may have hindered the free flowing of us, not saying that things would have been any different in the end, maybe we we weren't meant to be, just a bugger my nerves were there as other wise we enjoyed each others company.

I can't see any harm mentioning to her that i felt nervous around her and say why ,as she maybe wondering why i was nervous , am i always like this as she wouldn't know any different about me. Not making a big thing about it and go on to say it would be nice to continue our friendship and we may find that without the relationship being there we may be good as friends.