Dealing with the ex but can it be more....(alot)

[whatifwhatif]

So I guess this is my first real post. This might come off as venting but I tend to do that.

The background: I dated this girl that was amazing since the first time i met her. We hit it off because we were both a little goofy and had the same sense of humor. We dated for 2.5 years and we became so close that it seemed like a marriage(not that i really know what marriage is like, im 22). She ended up leaving me because I lied about some stupid things and I wasnt the "studious" type. After the break up I was hurt for a while and tried the whole "friend thing", actually we still are doing the whole friend thing which is the main reason for this post.

We talk about twice a week about nonsense and go out for lunch here and there. Being together for over 2 years she still knows all my friends and I know hers. Whenever we go out we still act as if we were together, not in the sense that were holding hands or anything, but flirting. All my friends are always saying that its like were going out but no romance(guys being guys). Recently Ive been asking myself if I should try to get back together with her. I am the type to be oblivious to clues or hints so I tend to ask for opinions from everyone.

She tells me she is thinking about moving out of state but I am still not sure how serious she is. In the back of my head Im thinking that i don't want to get into anything because of the move(just seems as a big obstacle). I wish there was someway I could know how she feels!. Yeah i know so does every guy..

My thought on this is that I;m still not sure how she feels towards me. I know I still care for her and want to be be with her but i dont think ive changed fully and if that was the main reason for the break up, I kinda want to get all my sh*t straight first. But what if its too late? Have I already changed enough? Before you think "you dont have to change for her, she should like you for who you are", the changes she wanted me to do were changes that I wanted to do for myself but am stuck in this laid back bring procrastinating mode. Now I feel i have gotten better at the school thing but still am not at my goal.
Pretty much I am just not sure how to respond. The friends thing isnt really working since I still have emotion towards her and we act just like a couple but not. Am i just holding on to nothing? Have I already missed my window to get back together?

Sorry for the hard to understand blabber.

[alovehangoverr]

It sounds like you should discuss this with her.

It could be that she still has feelings for you-- or it could be that flirting with you and acting like you're a couple is easy and comfortable for her because you were together for 2.5 years. No one here can really tell you how she's feeling for sure.

Tell her that you've been working on changing things and discuss giving it another shot. If she says no, it may be time to break off the friendship for a while-- you said it yourself it's not working out while you have feelings for her, so you may need to get over those feelings if all she's looking for is a friend.

[whatifwhatif]

i dont think I have made the full transition to having my life straight and fear that if I do push the scenario and see how she feels she'll still have the same response as in she hasnt seen a full change. And if that did happen I kinda feel as if I lost my opportunity to make it work. On the other hand I feel that if I wait until I have my life straight she might not be there and the journey itself will be hard alone. I just wish I knew what she thinks but not actually ask her myself.

[t0ri]

How long have you two been broken up for? Just curious...

[whatifwhatif]

O guess i didnt include that. W have been separate for about 7 months now. At one point i said I had to lose all connection with her to get over her and did that for about 2 months but as soon as as i started talking with her again. I felt the same way again. At this point I think I could lose connection again and wait until Im over her for sure but then I would only do that if she was fully over me and I knew it.

[Cbrider]

If your comfortable sharing, what specifically did you do to cause the break up? That will help give a little insight on how she is acting.

Don't make assumptions, if you want to know you need to ask. When you make assumptions, you get things wrong and generally it causes more problems.

[whatifwhatif]

LOL the break up cause is the main thing i look back at and am always confused of what I was thinking. So she is the studious type who studies a lot because she has to. I always admired her for that because I want to be like that too but never could make the change. I was in this trend of dropping classes each quarter and even drop ALL of them occasionally. Our last fight was her catching me in my lie that I was attending school but I really wasn't. School was so important to her that I lied about going just so she wouldnt get upset and ended up gettign caught and losing her. Yeah..I know...wow

We both wanted the same things for me, to finish school and make my life, but for some reason I still couldn't do that and she pretty much couldn't keep dealing with it.

I see it as I lost the girl I loved because I couldn't do what we BOTH wanted for myself.

[whatifwhatif]

*sorry forgot i could edit*

[alovehangoverr]

LOL the break up cause is the main thing i look back at and am always confused of what I was thinking. So she is the studious type who studies a lot because she has to. I always admired her for that because I want to be like that too but never could make the change. I was in this trend of dropping classes each quarter and even drop ALL of them occasionally. Our last fight was her catching me in my lie that I was attending school but I really wasn't. School was so important to her that I lied about going just so she wouldnt get upset and ended up gettign caught and losing her. Yeah..I know...wow

We both wanted the same things for me, to finish school and make my life, but for some reason I still couldn't do that and she pretty much couldn't keep dealing with it.

I see it as I lost the girl I loved because I couldn't do what we BOTH wanted for myself.

Have you changed that though? Are you taking classes and completely them? What's the situation there?

It's been 7 months.. that's quite a chunk of time. She either has some feelings for you or she's over it-- it's hard to say. I know you'd like to know what she's thinking, but you really can't figure that out unless you confront her with it.

Can you prove to her you've changed?

[whatifwhatif]

Yeah i have been better at the whole school thing. I still am not where I want to be. I know I will not ever know what she thinks unless I ask her. But Im kinda afriad that if I do try to talk to her about us right now, theres isnt enough proof that I have changed.

I feel that I should stick to what I NEED to do but I dont want to stop being around her because Im afraid that when I do change and have my life straight she wont be there.

She has also been hinting to me that she wants to leave the state in a few months, and if shes being serious about that I dont know what to think.

[carl1222]

Still not where you want to be? You sign up for classes, go to them, study a bit and take your finals. It's not like you're building the space shuttle! What's so hard about that that you have to work up to it piece by piece?

Carl.

[whatifwhatif]

Still not where you want to be? You sign up for classes, go to them, study a bit and take your finals. It's not like you're building the space shuttle! What's so hard about that that you have to work up to it piece by piece?

Carl.

Well that would be true if I am just trying to finish one quarter. She just graduated from dental school and I know I have another 4yrs+ to get to where I want to be since i have been slacking. Kind of hard to tell myself to stick with school when she and most of my friends are already done.

I think the best thing for me to do right now is keep my distance and just see how things fall. If she is still around later I guess Ill have nothing to regret and whatever happens happens.

i dunno....

[luvispower]

isnt it better if you both can study together?i mean if you live together, you will spend alot of time studying together right?she is just like a catalyst for your studies.. well, it worked for me.

[xluckythangx]

I wouldn't just give up, ask her how she feels, coming from a girls point of view, seriously, if you dont ask your never going to know! We tend to hint things so guys get them but you guys usually dont. I think that 7 months is a big chunk of time, but seriously you not telling her how you feel is wasting even more time for her to loose feelings for you. And maybe shes hinting that she wants to move out of state so you will stop her by telling her that you still feel for her and dont want her to move? just something that I'd try to use on an ex if I really wanted to know how he felt. Your either going to sit and always think about "what if" or you can look back and say "well at least I tried" if all fails... I would rather look back at it and say "she gave up on me" Your schooling is still there, your still attending class, as long as you keep that up she really can't be unhappy. Im sure she realizes that shes way farther than you in school, but don't give up on that. I'm sure if she still cares about you she'll look beyond that, true love is way more than schooling... Kind of a dumb reason to break up with someone if you ask me.

[jacqo]

Dude,the devil you know is better than the Angel you don't know.Get her back,if you feel you still love her.