Goodbye and Hello...I'm Confused. What's his deal?

[michief_delight]

My ex-boyfriend and I were trying to be friends, but I feel like the only reason he wanted that is because I was his safety net. I felt used. He never asked me to hang out, and he would rarely talk to me. Only once every 2 weeks or so. he wasn't trying to get to know me as he had said he would. This is where I started to feel used.

1 week and 1/2 ago, he IM's me, and I really didn't want to talk to him because I felt like he only did when he was bored. So one thing led to another and I told him how I felt about the whole being used thing. I guess he took it the wrong way, and just said goodbye to me. An hour later I find a message from him in my email, and it was a message saying how much he loved me and cared, and how he will always love me and remember me...always. I got frustrated because he always sends similar dramatic messages whenever he says "his final" goodbye. Well I sent him a message trying to explain myself in case there was a mis-communication, and since I was frustrated...I told him not to run away from the problems, that it was so like him.

So my ex-boyfriend writes back defending himself, he also said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and he wanted to get over me, with that he said his final goodbye (he also said it in a very cruel way). next day he says that half the things he said he didn't mean, and that he was sorry for the way he basically told me off in the last message.

well...I didn't respond to either message. So I'm making it easy for him.

Thing is yesterday he sent me a message for Easter. Saying Happy Easter and how he hopes everything is well with me, and he hopes I don't hate him.

What's wrong with him? He says goodbye (forever) and now messages me again?? I'm confused...if someone is trying to forget someone wouldn't they not message the person they
want to forget?

[carl1222]

We need a LOT more details to be able to give you a coherent answer mischief.

Carl.

[Lite]

You know what I love. People who escalate arguments because they feel they're losing. So they lash out and say the most hurtful things they can. It's great when they do that, because it shows you exactly how broken they really are as a person. How they are incapable of accepting fault and blame unless it is on their own terms, and on their own time.

Yet, you point out their poor behavior, they freak the **** out at you as if you're the problem.

Look, he's keeping you on a leash as a backup, and you just need to stop talking to him, on your own terms, not his.

[michief_delight]

Oh believe me I did stop talking to him, I didn't respond to any of his messages. I just don't get why he does it. I mean he waited 5 months to go out with me, and in our relationship he was just crazy about me, and I do admit that I did make mistakes (I'm only human). I am aware of the wrong I've done and take full responsibility (you learn from it), but he keeps doing this to me. Its not the first time. I just really thought that he meant it this time when he said he didn't want to talk to me ever again. I just don't get him, after everything we went through in our relationship...every good and bad...we were actually growing together (not apart). It's like he became a totally new person after the break-up, and not the person I fell for. why is that? why would someone change from being good to being bad? is he that hurt? I mean I got hurt, but you don't see me fooling around with guys or keeping someone on a leash.

[Cbrider]

Hahahaha, I swear to god that there is a handbook for shitty partners and they all read it before bed.

My last ex did the same thing. We split and I never once tried to contact her. She blamed me for breaking up with her, said she was working on trying to better herself. It was a load of shit from one end to the other and I pointed that out.

She would get pissed off about it and start lashing out at me. Said "**** you" when I told her I felt she had cheated on me at least emotionally if not more. She told me I had an anger problem after I told her that I honestly thought she had depression and that she should at least go talk to someone, that I would help her find someone. I did my best to be patient, but at some point it just runs out.

I told her that I wished her luck but wanted nothing to do with her as long as I live and closed the door. She still comes knocking now and then. She would tell me that it was just "so hard to let go of someone she cared about so much", I don't buy into that when you can be okay with ****ing some guy that caused the breakdown to start with. You don't lash out at people you love like she did.

She sent an email apologizing for her part in everything, I just felt it was an attempt to try and reopen lines of communication which I would happily torch and not think twice about. She would rather avoid or deny any problem or wrong doing rather than fix it. She hopped into another relationship immediately and I chose to go single and figure out where I went wrong and what I can improve. I found weaknesses in myself I didn't know about and worked to get past those, I admitted where I went wrong and remembered those as to not repeat myself. Let me tell you it was an astronomically better choice to get in touch with myself than relationship roulette like she chose.

I got a text a while back asking me out to coffee, I simply deleted it. People like her and your ex are persistent because they feed off of others to feel better about their self and to run from their demons/insecurities. Hold your ground, be firm and don't stray the course. In time he will give up, but unfortunately these type of people don't understand "no" and "goodbye", they believe everything in their world is in their control and they can behave how they want.

The real world scares them, running from their fears is their way of coping. Don't be like that, you can't run from yourself forever.

[michief_delight]

yeah I'm starting to believe there is such a handbook because so far all the exs I have had have all been idiots like the current one. The only problem is that I fell in love with my current ex, so he's making it difficult for me when he messages me etc..
You're right he keeps sending messages, not everyday, but he still does, and it always starts out with "I'm sorry" -- I know people make mistakes, but when you wrong me over and over and over again, then it just makes it seem like the "i'm sorry" means nothing to the person. Of course I haven't responded to him, but it's not doing me any good because after all this is a person I truly cared about