Should I have sex on first or second date?

[Sylbra]

OK,
I am like 38ish years old, and I look like I'm 30, nice looking pretty girl with an athletic bod.
I haven't dated much in the past two years and haven't had sex going on longer than that (maybe 2 1/2 years). I'm sort of like a born again virgin.
So I met this man of my dreams he is like 32 years old. Freaking HOT looking guy. AWESOME body. He's a cop and I luv a man in uniform.
We have been communicating for a few weeks. We had a date last week and got pretty close to having sex. He wanted to pleasure me so I'm like "OK". And it was great. Then he had a good time too. He wanted to go totally all the way really bad (so did I).
But I wanted to wait since I feel like a virgin. I would love to wake up every morning next to this guy. So I would like it to last.
So on our next date should I just go ahead and have sex all the way?
I would like a man's advice. Thanks.

[Gribble]

Why bother with the dating? Just have sex.

[Lite]

Uhm, do it whenever it feels right to you. There really are no tried and true rules about this thing, but you need to be sure that you're not sleeping with him because you're afraid he'll leave if you don't.

Do it on your terms.

[SexySam]

well, first of all, there is no such thing as a "born again virgin"..so I really think you need to get that out of your mind.. second, why worry about if it has to be the next date or not.. you are both consenting adults and there is nothing wrong with having sex or not having sex.. do it if you want, if it feels right and don't if it doesn't... be safe about it if you do.. sounds to me like your ready to go and really don't need our advice anyway..

HAVE SOME FUN!

[1sxybtch]

how old are you really?

the very fact that you are asking and the way you are asking suggests that maybe you are not ready. when the time is right, you will know and you won't be questioning whether you should 'go all the way' or not. until then, err on the side of waiting until your sure so you don't have any regrets..

[Sylbra]

Why bother with the dating? Just have sex.

I’ve had lovers in the past and that is not what I want at this point in my life.
Besides I like him for who/what he is not just for sex.

[Sylbra]

well, first of all, there is no such thing as a "born again virgin"..so I really think you need to get that out of your mind.. second, why worry about if it has to be the next date or not.. you are both consenting adults and there is nothing wrong with having sex or not having sex.. do it if you want, if it feels right and don't if it doesn't... be safe about it if you do.. sounds to me like your ready to go and really don't need our advice anyway..

HAVE SOME FUN!

Well I feel like a virgin, I really do. This is the longest I’ve gone without sex since I’ve been sexually active. It is going to be really extra meaningful to me to “feel” someone and connect with them in that way again. I just know how I am. Shoot I may even cry! I guess I worry about being perceived as “easy” though I could certainly perceive him as “easy” as well. I usually don’t give in so quickly (or not at all) but gosh boy o boy do I WANT him!

[Gigabitch]

I don't think waiting for four dates or whatever would make him more likely to stay the whole night. If he's going to do that, he'll do it tomorrow.

Some guys like it when women play games like this with them. maybe he's that kind of guy and he'll actually think it's more valuable if he has to wait for it. For me, that would be a waste of time. I'm all about the open lines of communication.

If I were you, I'd be totally up-front with him about how you feel, that you don't want to blow it with him, etc. You still might be in for a rude awakening and you won't know until you actually go through with it. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, right?

[Sylbra]

how old are you really?

the very fact that you are asking and the way you are asking suggests that maybe you are not ready. when the time is right, you will know and you won't be questioning whether you should 'go all the way' or not. until then, err on the side of waiting until your sure so you don't have any regrets..

I really am an older woman, geez! I have a kid/single mom. Another reason to make good dating choices. It’s just been awhile and I’ve been “out of the field” for awhile, plus things have been really different since becoming a Mom. You know things are just different, you have to be careful in more ways than before. And to be honest with you, I am a bit religious/indoctrinated and sort of wonder if I’ll get struck down by lighting if I “do it” without some sort of commitment. I do want/need to know if this guy may be a “player”, I feel I don’t know him well enough, he is good looking and charming enough to be a “player”. But then I sort of want to “play” with him too, like even if it won’t last geez maybe I better git some of that nice stuff while it’s being offered!

[Sylbra]

I don't think waiting for four dates or whatever would make him more likely to stay the whole night. If he's going to do that, he'll do it tomorrow.

Some guys like it when women play games like this with them. maybe he's that kind of guy and he'll actually think it's more valuable if he has to wait for it. For me, that would be a waste of time. I'm all about the open lines of communication.

If I were you, I'd be totally up-front with him about how you feel, that you don't want to blow it with him, etc. You still might be in for a rude awakening and you won't know until you actually go through with it. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, right?

I am afraid to be up front with how I feel. I don't want to scare him off. He says he likes to take things slow (but I guess not when it comes to sleeping together). Kind of ironic huh?

[Gigabitch]

Red Flag. That means he has no intention of taking your relationship any farther than casual sex. You should either boink him and move on with your life or let this one go. If you're looking for a boyfriend, this guy probably isn't it.

[Sylbra]

Yeah you are right. Maybe I should just boink away and then let it go. But he has ruined my chances of finding another guy EVER because he has set my bar very high!!! Plus I've found I really like the idea of a younger guy (not too young but usually I date my age or older). I'll let ya'll know how it goes, thanks for the advice!

[Gigabitch]

I think he might just be something you have to get out of your system. Nothing wrong with having a Rebound Clown if your expectations are in line.

[IndiReloaded]

The ones that *know* they are handsome/charming are the most maintenance. I'm with Giga, this guy isn't BF material. So keep in mind that bar may not be quite as high as you think.

I don't typically suggest this type of book, but have you read Danielle Steel(e)? 'Dating Games'. It sounds very similar to your situation. Maybe you should pick up the fluff just for a laugh.

Be safe, babe. You've got your kid to think about also.

[Sylbra]

The ones that *know* they are handsome/charming are the most maintenance. I'm with Giga, this guy isn't BF material. So keep in mind that bar may not be quite as high as you think.

I don't typically suggest this type of book, but have you read Danielle Steel(e)? 'Dating Games'. It sounds very similar to your situation. Maybe you should pick up the fluff just for a laugh.

Be safe, babe. You've got your kid to think about also.

Thanks, I don't normally read those books but maybe I will for a kick.