The "slutty" vs "innocent" girl stereotype

[zepplica]

Sure, the old "a man that sleeps with 100 women is a player and a desirable bachelor and a woman who sleeps with 100 men is a total slut" gets me mad and I'd love to hear it's just a myth although I know from experience it's not(argh).
But now, strictly from the pov of you guys and who you'd date, how do you view a girl who has a reputation of being slutty? Wouldn't that just mean you're more likely to have sex with her than with a innocent Virgin Mary type?

And another thing. When it came to me and my ex, he acted a bit nuts every time I mentioned a previous relationship with a guy he didn't know about, and when I asked him what was wrong he told me stuff like "It drives me crazy imagining you with someone else" but cmon it's not like I could've ever kept myself because I had read the future and known I'd be with him. But on the other hand, if HE let something of the sort slip, then I found him even more desirable.

[Lite]

Men are insecure about being compared against other men in bed. They worry that they're inadequate, that their penis is too small, that it isn't shaped properly, or that the previous guy could give you 100 orgasms by making you a perfect mojito.

Why is this? Because most men know that they actually suck in bed, but as long as they get off they're just fine with that.

[Mish]

Sure, the old "a man that sleeps with 100 women is a player and a desirable bachelor and a woman who sleeps with 100 men is a total slut" gets me mad and I'd love to hear it's just a myth although I know from experience it's not(argh).

Men dominate and women are dominated (by default). It's unfair, but that's nature for you. So in the end it's not about sex itself, it's about the amount of times men dominate and women are conquered. It's understandable how one can be perceived as more glorious than the other.

But now, strictly from the pov of you guys and who you'd date, how do you view a girl who has a reputation of being slutty? Wouldn't that just mean you're more likely to have sex with her than with a innocent Virgin Mary type?

The perception is different. What three words pop up in your mind when you hear the word slut? Lowly, untrustworthy, diseases. It's not very attractive. Slut is generally believed to be someone not worthy keeping.

And another thing. When it came to me and my ex, he acted a bit nuts every time I mentioned a previous relationship with a guy he didn't know about, and when I asked him what was wrong he told me stuff like "It drives me crazy imagining you with someone else" but cmon it's not like I could've ever kept myself because I had read the future and known I'd be with him. But on the other hand, if HE let something of the sort slip, then I found him even more desirable.

Above generalities aside, this is where the issue of fairness in the relationship kicks in and this is the background you should use when talking to him about this. You can say that yes men dominate, yes women get conquered, but in the end is this perception fair? How can the two of you be equal and be together if the gender role perception is unfair? Let him answer that question for you.

[12many]

i like girls who are innocent period. even though there are good sides to dating a slutty girl.

1. dating a slutty girl means (maybe) more sex than an innocent girl.

2. dating a slutty girl means (more likely) desired more by men and would most likely cheat on you. Due to the amount of good looking guys that might tempt her...iuno

3.slut = slut

innocent girl on the other hand.. are different sometimes. im not saying that innocent girls dont cheat, but i like girls who are conservative. To me, conserative girls are classy. Unlike a slutty girl who craves guy's attention.


yea... What i wrote might not make sense but i think you get my opinion..

[zepplica]

Yes, I agree with some parts. But again, a man who is a Don Juan may also equal lowly, untrustworthy, diseases, not being able to handle a serious relationship etc. I guess women see past that and go directly to the "he must be good in bed part". Whatever lol.

[Aeradalia]

The view of a guy being a stud when he has had a lot of women tends to be a more immature feature that dies down as men get older. By then, quite a few men shift from 'conquering' to 'keeping.'

I really wouldn't give it much thought as to how many people a woman or man has been with... I'm more concerned about their motivations and views in regards to relationships, love, and sex. The number of people they've been with is only a clue (and an easily misleading one at that)... not a conclusion of what kind of person they are.

The act of score keeping is probably one of the main reasons why people do not disclose their past relationships to their SO except on a need-to-know basis.

[Mish]

Yes, I agree with some parts. But again, a man who is a Don Juan may also equal lowly, untrustworthy, diseases, not being able to handle a serious relationship etc. I guess women see past that and go directly to the "he must be good in bed part". Whatever lol.

To be honest, I think women go "Wow, he's a great conqueror! Everyone wants him, I'm so gonna keep him if just to show him off as the latest must have accessory, he'll go well with my handbag!!"

While men when presented with the same stimuli from opposite gender go "Wow, she's been fully sacked and pillaged".


Perception varies due to gender purposes being different.

[steelsword]

Meh, as long as she is drug & disease free, I don't really care as long as she doesn't talk about it with me. I don't want to hear about how many men she's slept with. When she's with me, she's with me only.

[twisted]

i dunno, i think terms like 'slut' should be considered old fashioned in the 21st century, in times like these where saying you're bi-sexual is trendy, if you've slept with someone of the same sex, you brag about it instead of being ashamed...of course that's just my point of view. where i live on the west coast it's like that at least, and i'm not afraid to say that i'm bi when it comes up in conversations with perfect strangers. anyhow, i think 'free love', poligamy or whatever you want to call it, if a person/couple is comfortable with it and lives that kind of lifestyle in a safe way (ie without spreading stds around town), i don't really think there's anything wrong with it. i've had a lot of men myself (and a few women) and that doesn't make me feel any less than the pure virgin mary type as you called it. ACTUALLY, I enjoyed every experience very much, and each time got something from it. Sometimes they were one night stands, other times they were steady relationships. in all honesty, after a 5 and some year relationship that i'm in currently, i miss being able to just have some free, sexual fun unfortunately my boyfriend doesn't agree, so i keep it hushed. now THAT'S something that doesn't make you feel nice inside.

[doppelgaenger]

The further west you go, the gayer the people are. Seriously. I have only seen 2 lesbians the entire time I have been here. I think there are more gays in the prairie states than in Europe.

[steelsword]

@twisted: Perhaps then you need to break up with him and just be single & be the swinger that you want to be. Or find someone like yourself in that regard.

[twisted]

@dopplegaenger: i know hey? funny how that is...i noticed that too, and it's just fine with me living here.

@steelsword: lol, i knew what i wrote would cause a little bit of ruckus on the boards. i agree 100% with you, i know what i need to do, it's just easier said than done. i've tried everything, even told him that i was ok with him sleeping with other women, but even that didn't work. i guess we just have grown apart and have different principles now. sad, but true.

[Aeradalia]

To be honest, I think women go "Wow, he's a great conqueror! Everyone wants him, I'm so gonna keep him if just to show him off as the latest must have accessory, he'll go well with my handbag!!"

While men when presented with the same stimuli from opposite gender go "Wow, she's been fully sacked and pillaged".


Perception varies due to gender purposes being different.

Can't speak for other women.. but the "Wow, he's a great conqueror!" is more for other guys, as a way to show off and intimidate. Means very little to me... and a guy that brags about how many women he has been with is just looking to add another notch on his belt as far as I'm concerned --- not at all appealing. I tend to favor mediocrity in this regard... a guy that's had some experience but doesn't get a bloated ego from it.

Whereas a man may think "Wow, she's been fully sacked and pillaged".... I and probably a few other women would look at a 'male slut' as "Lookout, we have a hard on looking to score"... and carefully side-steps the self-absorbed sexual score-keeper. Being with such a man would only drop my worth -- especially to myself..

[steelsword]

@twisted: I know it's hard, but if you don't do it, will you ever truly be happy?

[Gigabitch]

Whereas a man may think "Wow, she's been fully sacked and pillaged".... I and probably a few other women would look at a 'male slut' as "Lookout, we have a hard on looking to score"... and carefully side-steps the self-absorbed sexual score-keeper. Being with such a man would only drop my worth -- especially to myself..

Agreed. It's a red flag. Slutty behavior doesn't look good on men, either.