Would you keep dating her?

[Tug]

Would you continue dating a woman if she still lives with her soon to be ex husband? The reason why they're still living together is because they cant sell the house and neither one of them can afford to pay the mortgage and rent on an apartment. She says she's trying extremely hard to sell the house but its clear to me that her ex doesn't want to get rid of it. He's gone as far as tell her that he will no longer make any repairs to the house, if anything breaks it's up to her to fix them.

She's already filed for a divorce which she told me was supposed to be final on April 22 but because they never went to court the clerk told her that it could take an additional 14 days.

At least 4 nights a week she spends the night and would spend more if I let her so her. We went to the zoo the other day and one of her ex husbands best friends saw us and according to her called him the following day and asked him if he knew his wife was with another man at the zoo. He said that they were in the process of getting a divorce and he knew all about me.

I have been through more crap with this woman and have ended the relationship more times that I can count but I no sooner break up with her and within 3 days she calls me back and literally begs me not to leave her and like an idiot I say ok and we try to work things out.

[s_b]

Seem to me the issue is not her living with her soon-to-be-ex husband because from what you posted she's making the right sort of noises (filed for divorce, ex knows she's dating you, you spend most of the week together etc).

My concern is all the grief she's been giving you - you said that you've broken up a few times. What were the reasons for this? Have these changed? She's going through a divorce - I'd be worried that her emotions are all over the shop and you don't know what her real intentions/feelings are for you. My gut would read: tread very carefully (i.e. don't be the guy that she'll use as her emotional doormat).

[alovehangoverr]

Well, why have you broken up with her in the past? Has it been over this issue?

I guess it's not unrealistic if she has nowhere else to stay [friends/family/whatever] that she has to stay in her own house with him.. I'm sure it's not comfortable, but it's pretty common that houses aren't selling. It's also pretty common for couples splitting to not be able to afford living on their own given that they've been living off of a combined salary.

I guess maybe I'm missing the big issue here-- she's getting divorced, her husband knows about you, she spends most night with you.. So.. what's the problem?

[Tug]

This is complicated so it's going to take some time to explain.

V and I started dating when she was still married. We were never intimate because of her marriage but we did kiss and hold hands on several occasions, the only reason why we didn't have sex was because we both agreed it wouldn't be right to do so till she filed for a divorce.

V is extremely friendly, sometimes overly friendly and as many of you men know when a woman is that friendly she sends the guy the wrong signal and it can create a problems in her current relationship and thats exactly what happened. She confided in a guy at the gym, they were both having problems in their marriage so she confided in him and he in her. He thought she was interested in him but when he found out we had started dating he approached me and said she played me against him and that created a big problem, thats the first time I broke up with her.

V and I were working out at the gym today and we started talking about her ex husband and how he knows about me and acts like it doesn't bother him. She told me he still gives her his paycheck, she deposits it, pays the bills and giveS him whats left. She than went on and said that every Monday they alternate going to Costco and buying groceries, he buys her what she needs when he goes and she in turn buys him what he needs when she goes.

I've been married once but my wife was killed in hit and run traffic accident 15 years ago so Im not to familiar with divorce but to my understanding when two people are getting a divorce shouldn't they at least *try* to put some distance between each other? Granted they dont have to fight tooth and nail every single day but these two are carrying on like their still married.

When she told me their still doing for each other I just told her she needs to get a divorce, sell her house and get a life of her own before she gets involved with anyone else. If they cant sell their house in a timely fashion she needs to create some distance between her and her ex, if she doesnt she'll go from one relationship to another. She said she didnt want it to end and asked if she could call me a in a couple of days. I told her it wouldnt be a good idea beings nothing is going to change in her relationship with her soon to be ex between now and next week much less next month.

I really love this woman but I need someone in my life who isnt living under the same roof as her ex.

[lesa]

Nope, not unless I love that type of drama.

[Tug]

Nope, not unless I love that type of drama.

Your absolutely right and no, I dont want or need that type of drama.

Thanks Lesa

[Konart]

I'm sorry you went through thick and thin for that woman. She clearly doesn't know what she wants since she hasn't budged from her situation. You definitely don't deserve the mind games. Find someone who will be with you 100%, and you will be a stress free man in love.