And Whose Feeling the Negative Vibe NOW?

[Bonovox40]

I wasn't trying to infer that what I said was the heart of everything. Of course it doesn't work that way, BBC. I'm just saying that the way the world works, it's too bad we just CAN'T be who we really want to be without having the rest of the world against us, per your dating someone 15 years older remark. I didn't mean just individual anarchy or such. More like respectable freedom and respect for one another. (which would include running around naked to not be quite accepted) I wanted to just explain the idea that age, looks, status, power shouldn't matter with who can and will make us happy to live a life with. It's just too bad that the external flak affects who we are internally. It ISN'T realistic to accept what I said. But it's unfortunate that it's not a more realistic choice overall.

Just my ranting about things. And yes, I do know that my views will most likely be modified and some will be completly shattered after being with the police. Alot of naive views I have when it comes to society will be changed good and bad. But i'll always feel that we have a higher purpose than just human conquering and personal quests for glory. But regardless, we still choose those behaviors, even me when I understand what i'm doing but still choose to be selfish. Doesn't mean i'm happy with my choice in the end though.

[jslaughter]

Have you ever gone out with your friends, or talked with them, and seen or talked about some guy who was a gentleman? A guy who was nice, generous, caring, understanding... no, I'm not talking about those stupid muscular guys on those romance novels. I mean just a down-to-earth, easy to talk to, amiable guy. Do they ever say, "Wow, I wish I could go out with that guy", or seem attracted to him? In almost any wind, I'd highly doubt it. I don't think women are attracted to guys like this.

I just wanted to say that I am very much attracted to guys like that.

I dated a guy my Senior Year in high school whose nickname was Lurch - he was 6'3 and allegedly had a bowl cut. All I knew was he had the sweetest smile, kind brown eyes, and he got so nervous when he'd go to hold my hand in the beginning that he shook, just a little bit. He was often the butt of jokes and I stood up for him always. I adored him. Let me tell you what my adoration got me - - - we went to different high schools and I went to his high school graduation party. I put on my cutest black dress, made damn sure I looked like a million bucks, and all the $#%#% girls at his high school thought they had missed something in him and began flirting like mad. My poor nice guy crumbled under all the female attention and shortly thereafter I was dumped. The only comfort I had from that whole mess is that a year later he would explain what happened and apologize and admit he never should've let his head be turned.

That was the beginning of my nice guy curse - gentle, shy quiet men who are sometimes akward are always charming in my eyes. I don't care about superficial imperfections but nice guys often don't want to have anything to do with me.

I have been chasing the same kinds of guys since high schools and what happens - its the users out there that are chasing me. I admit that I have stupidly allowed myself to be caught sometimes but what I want has never changed.

If your friends ARE attracted to these nice guys... well, I don't know what to say. Maybe just wait and they'll come?

Please Prodigal, give me some better advice here! I've been waiting and he still hasn't come yet.

[Bonovox40]

Bonovox40,

".....So my instinct is to play it safe instead of just HOPING this is all real and accepting everything that she has to offer. It's a contradiction of a sort inside me. One part strives for what she offers, on part strives for security and facts before making a choice. "

Think about it this way: one possible scenario she is a very attractive "model girl", so your confidence is at pressure "how I can keep up with her, can I successfully compete with other guys"?

Is it the case?

No, that's not the case at all. I haven't thought of her looks at ALL in our situation. It's other things like how we're rushing because of time, but I don't want to. She's basically wanting to hurry and make sure i'm worthwhile or something because there isn't alot of time we'll have for one-on-one encounters before she leaves America. I am totally confident with her, it's that I don't feel I know her well enough to decide on a total commitment yet. I don't plan on seeing her and other women at the same time, it's not like that. It's that i'm not sure what we can learn in this short time we have. She wants to throw everything on me, i'm afriad to because i've done that before under short notice and got burned for my rushing into something before I know what it is.

[Killerbabe]

Killerbabe,

I bet you were not a killer for a babe, anyway,
I guess most women get pregnant cuz they _want to_.
Especially if they have several kids.
Simple, isn't it?

I don't think I quite understood what you meant by saying "not a killer for a babe".

And I don't know for sure what'sthe proportion of women who get pregnant by choice vs. those who get pregnant accidentally, but you're wrong about one thing: it is awfully easy for a healthy female to get pregnant, especially with all the whining about condoms.

[jslaughter]

I will go ahead and admit that I have made some decisions - I want a nice guy, I prize many attributes above looks, but when a guy starts chasing after you sometimes it's hard to keep from being caught. Courtship feathers look alot like the nice guy I want. So my new resolve is to take it SLOW and make sure that he is who he says he is.

[Bonovox40]

That was the beginning of my nice guy curse - gentle, shy quiet men who are sometimes akward are always charming in my eyes. I don't care about superficial imperfections but nice guys often don't want to have anything to do with me.

I have been chasing the same kinds of guys since high schools and what happens - its the users out there that are chasing me. I admit that I have stupidly allowed myself to be caught sometimes but what I want has never changed.

Maybe it's because the nice guys you meet are not nice "confident" guys. If they're shy, they'll get turned away easily because it's a confidence boost. Guys who are already comfortable with who they are and nice, don't need other women flirting or tempting them to feel special. Sure, it's always nice to feel that others find you attractive, but just that point shouldn't be enough to sway someone from you who really has feelings for you. And vise versa for women as well.

[BBC1]

Bonovox40,

Got you. May I ask you where is she from, how long have you been together and for how long\what reason she leave US?

No, that's not the case at all. I haven't thought of her looks at ALL in our situation.

[Prodigal]

I will go ahead and admit that I have made some decisions - I want a nice guy, I prize many attributes above looks, but when a guy starts chasing after you sometimes it's hard to keep from being caught. Courtship feathers look alot like the nice guy I want. So my new resolve is to take it SLOW and make sure that he is who he says he is.

jslaughter,

I like your decision. It sometimes seems like a hard decision to follow, especially if you think that you've found someone really great. Waiting and getting to know a potential s.o. is like a double-edged blade: On one hand, it's good to know the person to know that they aren't lying (or at least be more sure) and that you truly do like the person for who they are instead of first impressions, but on the other hand, you'll become one of those great friends and he might lose interest in you. That has probably happened to me many times. I think this approach is a lot better if you want a long-term relationship (and I know so many people are).

By choosing a nice, gentle, shy/quiet type guy, well... it's a bit harder. Shy/quiet types tend to have lower self-esteem, lower confidence in one's self, and/or less assertiveness. All this leads to more caution on his part... maybe caution to the point that although he feels that you like him, he may not ask anyway. That comes, I think, from a lack of self-confidence. I think with these types of guys it does take longer for something to happen... which would probably be good for you, since you wanted to take it slow anyway.

Lol. I only know this because I AM one of those types.

As for better advice... whew. There are a few things I could say, I guess. I think that by the aura or persona that you put out, you attract similar 'auras' (other people with these same traits). Of course, everyone is different, but I think by being friendly, you probably have a bigger chance of meeting friendly people... same goes with other traits. That's just my opinion, though.

As for places to meet people like this? Hm... I don't have much of an idea. Maybe trying through friends? I figure it to be like this: meeting people comes naturally, and you meet the right types of people by being yourself. By trying too hard to find someone, I think your chances of actually finding someone compatible are significantly lowered.

...Oh God. I just realized how idealistic that sounded... oh well. I hope that helped.

[BBC1]

Killerbabe,

If a woman does not care - oh yeah, awfully easy.

If at least she cares about her own body, health and future baby, then she would know her menstrual cycle, her ovulation day (who do not feel anything there are plenty of test available) and of course do not let anyhting happen in the days around it.
May I assume you did not know that info?

it is awfully easy for a healthy female to get pregnant, especially with all the whining about condoms.

[Killerbabe]

Your assumptions are wrong. First of all, I am 19 and don't have kids. But I've known girl who have gotten pregnant even when they were not supposed to. A human body is not a machine. It's not that precise. Not always.

And yes, of course I know my cycle and a relatively "safe period" to have sex.

Let's just put it that way, you can't say that girls who didn't expect to get pregnant were ignorant. You wouldn't know. Honestly, how many times a week do you ****? Imagine thinking about your own protection every single time? I'm sure that in pursuit of sexual healing you could just forget all the "minor" stuff.

[BBC1]

Killerbabe,

".....Your assumptions are wrong. First of all, I am 19 and don't have kids."

I did not assume you are 21 and got 3 kids
Moreover I did not assume anything.

"...Let's just put it that way, you can't say that girls who didn't expect to get pregnant were ignorant.

I have never implied that. what I am saying is she might be careless.
Thats more likely.

".....You wouldn't know. Honestly, how many times a week do you ****? Imagine thinking about your own protection every single time? I'm sure that in pursuit of sexual healing you could just forget all the "minor" stuff.

Come on, we are back to the ignorance thing. Dont you know you can
have protection with 1000 methods which do not require lots of thinking "very time"?

[Killerbabe]

BBC1, you're not a woman. You can't know what it's like. It's just not your field of specialization, alright?! Honestly.
I'm not telling you how easy it is to avoid blue balls or a stiffi, am I?

[Bonovox40]

Bonovox40,

Got you. May I ask you where is she from, how long have you been together and for how long\what reason she leave US?

BBC, check for my post "Thrown for a Loop here!" It explains EVERYTHING in much detail. It's too much to repost on this thread. It's in the dating section. Feel free to ask/comment on anything. It's a rather unusual situation.

[BBC1]

Killerbabe,

......BBC1, you're not a woman. You can't know what it's like. It's just not your field of specialization, alright?! Honestly.

Basically you are saying "Shut up, damn...".
Do you know who usually say "shut up"? somebody who's losing power or does not want others to know more. I hope it is not the case here.

If you a woman and know way more about this field, why dont you explain to
us, elborate a bit? I'd definitely appreciate it.
I remind the initial question: Why is it so easy to get pregnant and why is it so hard to protect yourself?

......I'm not telling you how easy it is to avoid blue balls or a stiffi, am I?

Go ahead, I appreciate knowledge and experience.

[BBC1]

....BBC, check for my post "Thrown for a Loop here!" It explains EVERYTHING in much detail.

Thanks, I did read it. There is somehting I want to point out:
".... I don't have time afterwards for a relationship with my career and everything so if she goes home and forgets about me, then I guess that's how it was meant to be".

It sounds like you kinda.... want her to take the lead\responsibility for the relationship. Of course it is convenient but... dont!

I guess you should do it by yourself. I still did not get how often you date her - the camp thing and she's not supposed to leave it...Anyway, go ahead, try something, meet her as many times as possible, then do not wait until she forgets about you...man, invite her to states, help her with visa as soon as you can, as soon as she leaves US. At least you would do what you can do.
Do not passively wait while she drifts out of your range.

Besides, european girls IMHO are more marriage minded, and in general more
loyal. I guess it is not bad at all