hung up on someone who really isn't worth it.

[pinkscorpion]

For two years, off and on, I was involved in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship which ended badly, not just once, but twice. Obviously, I couldn't see the abuse while I was still in the middle of everything, but hindsight is always 20/20, eh?

Both times, this guy did almost exactly the same thing:
At first, things were blissfully perfect. After a few months, he would start to grow distant and mean and stop wanting to see me as much, making me wonder what I had done wrong to warrant the sudden onslaught of snippy comments, brush offs, and subtle insults. This would make me try a million times harder to make him happy. Then, suddenly, he would dump me for someone else and I would be beyond devastated.

The first time this happened, things with the new girl blew up in his face instantly and he came crawling back less than a month later telling me how "amazing" I was and how much he'd "missed" me. In my vulnerable state of having just been dumped, I couldn't help but take him back a mere handful of weeks after we were back on speaking terms. People in love do stupid things, I suppose.

The second time was much worse.
The whole relationship was ****ed from the beginning. I didn't trust him anymore and I began to give back as good as I got when it came to the insults and the fighting. He later left me for a formerly trusted friend of mine. Obviously, I haven't been keeping tabs on the relationship for the sake of my own sanity. If they're still happy and together, I certainly don't want to know about it.

For the past year, since this happened, all of my friends have been growing more and more exasperated with me because I can't seem to move on from this guy or get over what he did to me.

I don't understand it any better than they do. I don't even understand how I can still feel this strongly when I haven't spoken to him in over a year, either.
Logically, I know that he isn't worth my time if he would treat me the way he did, but I can't help that I still feel something for him. Plus, part of me feels like maybe I deserved to be treated badly.

I'm stuck in such a weird place. My lingering feelings for him have caused me to completely withdraw from dating and the only men I've even been attracted to have been carbon copies of the guy who broke my heart. I want to get out of this pattern and be able to enjoy the fact that I escaped from an unhealthy situation but it's like I'm afraid to let go.

I'm going to try going to therapy now that I have a little break for the summer. Maybe that will help, but I figured maybe someone on here might have some advice or words of encouragement, at least.

It's been more than year.
When will I feel better?

Anybody else been through something like this? Did you ever regain your ability to trust people?

[Doc Durian]

Yes, with alcohol and loose morals.

[Ashbee]

Dont worry, i know exactly how you feel.
Me and my ex were also together for 2 years,and living together. He done so much bad things to me including throwing me out of our house on Xmas eve..and i still went back. Even though i knew the relationship was bad i still thought there might be hope and i couldnt see myself without him in my life. Its strange, i also cant understand how i can have feeling for this bein. Until last night i found out he has had sex with the girl i most hate and then he came back to me and had sex with me and never told me... unless i would have NEVER went back to him. He is in another country for 8 weeks working and cannot contact me so i am sending him hurtful text messages knowing he cant contact me back is good because i get my say without him butting in.
anyway, when i go on a night out i cant even bring myself to let another man bring me a drink, i dont find anyone attractive and i certinaly couldnt imagin being intimate with anyone else. i really cant tell you when it will get better, i am wondering the same thing.

[unknown1]

I think its not worth it

[trisha]

give yourself another year, maybe you will finally get over it already....

moving on is hard , but just ignore the hurt as of the moment...be busy with work. read books...just be busy, be occupied with other thoughts...

[pinkscorpion]

^That's what I've been trying to do.

I threw myself so forcefully into my schoolwork this past year that I made almost straight A's. I also made a lot of money because I worked myself to death when I had any sort of break from school.

I guess that's something good that has come out of this. Still, I wish that I could be this productive when I'm not trying desperately to escape my own thoughts.

[Rollerderby]

The question is why do you still have feelings for him? Is it because he left you both times and you feel you should have been dumping him?

I've been dumped by guys who deserved to get their asses handed to them by me, but they beat me to it, sometimes by a few hours. Their asshole senses were tingling.

Definitely go to therapy. Why do you think you deserve this kind of treatment in life? You weren't in love, well maybe you were, but he sounds like a limited person. Maybe a lack of closure?

Only you will know when you're ready to move on. Be self-aware, journal and ask yourself the difficult questions as to why you can't let go.

[pinkscorpion]

It is partially because I felt like I should have been dumping him. I mean, it is always a big blow to the ego to be the dumpee instead of the dumper.

I don't know if I was in love. I don't even know if I have ever been in love. I've never felt like I was in an equal partnership with any guy I've ever dated. I've always felt like there were more feelings on one side or the other, usually his.

I think part of the reason why this has hurt me so badly is because it is so hard for me to be attached to anyone. I felt like I finally found someone that did not make me want to chew my own arm off to get away after a month or so and he tossed me aside like I was nothing to him.

That's got to be why this is bothering me so much.
I already had so many walls up and so many defenses and this one guy was able to break through them and he turned out to be last person I should be letting in. No wonder I feel like shit, huh?

I don't know why I feel like I deserve to be treated badly. I've always felt like there was something horribly wrong with me and I guess I felt like he saw me the way I see myself, from the way he treated me. I know that that is messed up. :/