need urgent advice

**UNDECIDE** · 15-05-09, 04:40 PM

Hi!
I am completely torn between two men, and need advice asap, as the situation is becoming rather tricky & intense.
Must choose 1 over the other.

first, I would like to say that I am bi-lingual and speak both french and english, and it is important for me for a boyfriend to appreciate my french culture & background. I'm still not sure to what extent I expect them to speak, or try to learn the French language, but it is something i feel very emotional about.
Man A - is Mauritian. He speaks both French and English, and hence i feel a connection because he understands bi-culturalism. He is older than me, and divorced. I am 23 years old, he is 38 years old, but I feel as though he is the same age. He is a little immature, and together we have fun. He makes me laugh, and he is a very genuine, warm, and sincere person. The problem is, my parents met him & think that he is too old for me, and that one day when I am in my 40s and he is in his 60sI will get bored of him. He is cute, and I feel very natural around him. I trust him, and I know that he wants the best for me. The age does not matter at all to me, but it does for my parents, and my friends are less likely to get along with him.

Man B - is younger, 28 years old. However, B does not speak french. Although this is not a huge problem, I have dated Australian guys in the past that do not speak french. He still takes an interest in my past, in French cuisine, in french culture...etc... but it still saddens me that i am not able to speak french with him like i can with A. Man B is a very high achiever, he looks perfect on a CV. My parents have met him and approve of him. I feel more serious around him, I have spend less time with him than A, but I think that I feel comfortable around him. I think he has a lot of potential, is very keen on me, and I can see a future with him. The only problem is, something keeps holding me back from being with him.... i DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!

A is more flirtatious, and lighthearted. I feel at ease around him, and I feel like he can read my emotions well. I have already told A that I have feelings for him, and he was really receptive. We have kissed already.. but then B has since started actively pursuing me, and now I am starting to change my mind. I find that B is intriguing me more. I am still undecided, and don't want to rush into anything with B. I also don't want to hurt A's feelings, and I don't want to give up on A and then regret it.
B is more engaging, and we talk for longer on the phone. He is more intellectual and I really appreciate this. I have been thinking that perhaps B makes better arguments, and expresses himself better than A.
I think that what B says is more accurate. However, if I date B, I will miss the fun I have with A, and the special french connection.

To summarise: I think that A makes me laugh more, however I find B's arguments more interesting. Which one???

**finnman** · 16-05-09, 10:42 PM

You need to put both of them out of your head for a little bit, sit down and determine what you want from a relationship. Then you can determine who provides that the best for you. If you don't answer the "what" then you'll never find the "who".

**PPanLuvsWendy** · 17-05-09, 12:30 AM

You know..ppl say age doesnt matter, but it does. I 38 year old man who pursues a young girl like you has issues. Is he trying to control you? relive his youth? He seriously needs to get with a woman his own age...or maybe they wont have him..due to his immaturity? Be careful and read about why older men want a youger woman...sometimes its to manipulate them....feel young.....etc....so...is it YOU that he wants or the way you make him feel...which is YOUNGER. Think hard.

**UNDECIDE** · 18-05-09, 11:21 AM

hi!!
i had a break through moment on the weekend!
i spoke to my parents, and they ended up saying to me "Who ever you choose, we will be happy if you are happy. And at the end of the day, you have to follow your heart". this is different to what i thought they would say, i expected them to tell me that A is too old for me.
anyway, something weird happened. after they told me this, i realised that i was still had doubts about A. originially i thought those doubts were associated with my fear of him not being accepted by my parents. then i realised, they must have been associated with something more. after hearing from my parents that they would accept whatever decision i took, and still felt unsure, and this made me realise i must not have strong enough feelings for A. The fact that i find B's arguments more interesting makes me feel like A is just not right.

So i have decided to give A a miss. But no, I do not think that there was anything wrong with him being older. He was divorced, and had been very committed to someone but their marriage didn't work out, this is why he found himself single again at 38. he was definetly not sleazy. i still care very much for him, and i think that we do definately feel/have a unique connection, through the fact that we are both bi-lingual and able to speak to each other in both french and english. however, i confused that for more than what it was.
i have since realised that despite his bi-lingualism, the attraction that i feel for A is not enough for a relationship. my feelings should be stronger.

So will forget A. and might explore B bit to see what happens.