Infidelity of a parent

[Lite]

Yes I understand money and other issues can lead to the demise of a marriage... but I don't think there are many things as PAINFUL as infidelity and ability to turn around.

That's great your parents kept it to themselves. Unfortunately for creder.... he is in a different category.

Tell that to a wife who has been repeatedly raped by her husband. Tell that to a kid whose parents use him to get back at the other parent following a divorce.

I've been the guy who cheated, it was a shitty thing for me to do. Extremely shitty. I STILL feel bad for my ex wife ever finding out about it, no matter how much I can't stand her. However, her poor decisions about what a marriage was, and what is/is not important to a marriage did far more damage to me and my ability to have a healthy relationship than my cheating ever did to her.

[lesa]

However, her poor decisions about what a marriage was, and what is/is not important to a marriage did far more damage to me and my ability to have a healthy relationship than my cheating ever did to her.

Damn! That is all.

[Rollerderby]

This is just a really shitty situation for you to be in. Unfortunately we can see how there are no black or white answers, just a ****oad of gray ones....

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Based on what I've read, apparently cheating in marriage is more accepted after a certain amount of years .

Alot of threads on here makes me rethink ever getting married. I rather be boyfriend and girlfriend and act like we're married.

[Aeradalia]

I would have to agree with the older women... that a marriage is a partnership... it is such a long commitment between two people that both involved will grow and change over the years... sometimes for the better... sometimes they grow apart. It's up to the determination of both to stay in it for the long haul... and when one gives up or strays... the other partner has to decide to carry on single-handed or let it dissolve.

Each problem is different and unique to that relationship. In some relationships... when a partner cheats... there might be enough honesty and communication in the relationship to allow for a reconciliation. Sometimes a partner decides to carry on in the relationship because they decide there are other things of greater importance than their broken heart --- it's their prerogative to make this decision and an understanding of this by outsiders is not a requirement. Other times, a partner may decide to dissolve the relationship because of the infidelity and this may be planned out... or... more often than not... it isn't planned out and emotionally driven.

There doesn't seem to be a 'one size fits all' approach to dealing with infidelity. The mentality of both partners involved influences the decision they make... and what they value most when the infidelity is revealed.

[IndiReloaded]

Based on what I've read, apparently cheating in marriage is more accepted after a certain amount of years.

Not at all. At least, not in my marriage. If my husband were to ever cheat & I found out, I would be making plans to leave. I might decide to stick it out long enough for our son to be off to college, but then I'd be gone. And I would not be able to sleep with him ever again, that privilege would be lost to him.

If we didn't have kids, I would be filing for divorce almost immediately.

Its more about it not being a reason for a major "freak out", making bad decisions without considering all the effects of a split.

And, as I say, while cheating is a horrible breach of trust, one must remember that (almost) nothing happens in a vacuum. Men who cheat on their wives almost always do it b/c they feel under appreciated; its rarely just about sex. I've seen a couple mistresses of married guys: the women were less attractive, less intelligent & less classy than the wife. BUT, I suspect she treated the guy a lot more nicely (from his perspective, again, I'm sure he was pulling shit at home too). Its sad, actually, how desperate those affairs seem. Its a cry for help for *both* spouses, really.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Well if I ever do decide to get married, I hope my husband and I can patch things up without resorting to infidelity.

[Mish]

I favour Indi's approach.


I guess it all comes down to once again finding the right person. A woman who considers cheating as a mortal sin and would rather die than to commit it is probably a type I should be looking for