I need advice, PLEASE bear with me (long post).

[mikey1000]

I'll start at the beginning. I am a 24 year old guy who was in a 2 year relationship with a girl i really loved (even moved in together after a year). She ended up cheating on me and we broke up. This was in august 2008. I also worked with her at the time so i had to quit my job in order to not be weird between us. I couldn't stand her for what she did to me really.

Anyway so i found another job in September. Over there i met this girl i really liked. I was a little depressed at the time and she really helped me with it, i told her all about my past relationship and what went wrong and we started bonding, as in we went out after work, we talked all day and sometimes all night too. She was kind with me, and i don't think i would have made it without her (i don't really have any close friends, just alot of people i hang out with and alot of the friends i had took my ex's side and all that).

So anyway, things were good up until december, then she told me she is beginning to have feelings for me. Now i have to tell you she was/is in a relationship for about 18 months with a dude who is much older then her (not really a problem), but she just does not love him, she said so herself and we went to a few hangouts together (6-7 people with the two of them included) and i saw how he acts with her, he's very bossy and sometimes just an ass. So she told me she doesn't know what to do, she can't leave the dude because they have a history bla bla bla but that she would do it for me. Thing is, i wasn't really ready for a new relationship then and i told her just that. She took it pretty bad for about a week, but then things started to get back to normal.

Now comes the problem, i began feeling the same about her recently...i told her about it because i don't want to play any games with her. Her reaction was umm i'd say confused. She said she thinks often about me and her and we'd be kissing and all that good stuff.

There are two things that make this even more complicated:

1. she is a different nationality then me. We live in the same town but she is from hungary and me from romania and she doesn't know the language 100%, but she talks really well. Still, she is very self conscious about that (all the people she knows 99% are hungarian and i don't speak that, at all).

2. i am supposed to go to work abroad for at least 10 months starting october (it's not a sure thing, i would stay for her but i didn't say this to her because i think it would put alot of pressure on her.) Still i'd rather get a new job here with less money and be with her then be in a foreign country basically alone.

Now i don't want to just be with her 3-4 months then leave and call it that. I can't ask her to do that, wouldn't be fair to her.
But i am stumped as what to do now...this working abroad is only 80% sure, it's not a sure thing. What if i stay here, then what?
God this is really hard...as things stand now she knows how i feel and i know how she feels, she wants to be with me (her words), i want to be with her, still we're not. The thing is we were never JUST friends, we always have these gentle long hugs, we look in each other's eyes and sometimes we forget about everything around us hehe. When she has alot of work i always help her out even if my work piles up, then she helps me. Everyone that didn't know us at work and saw us together assumed we were together by how we acted with each other, and were shocked when told otherwise.
Talk about unrequited love.....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. And sorry about my english i know it sucks

[lovesjoyajm]

First of all, your English is excellent. I didn't realize you weren't a native speaker until you said you were Romanian.

And as far as your situation is concerned: in my experience, as soon as one person starts making excuses as to why you shouldn't give it a try, it's an indication that he/she doesn't feel as strongly as you may believe or he/she has expressed. I say go for it. You can be careful, of course, and maybe not start planning your lives together until you know if you'll be in the same country, but if you're both as crazy about each other as you say, there's no point staying "friends".

[mikey1000]

First of all, your English is excellent. I didn't realize you weren't a native speaker until you said you were Romanian.

And as far as your situation is concerned: in my experience, as soon as one person starts making excuses as to why you shouldn't give it a try, it's an indication that he/she doesn't feel as strongly as you may believe or he/she has expressed. I say go for it. You can be careful, of course, and maybe not start planning your lives together until you know if you'll be in the same country, but if you're both as crazy about each other as you say, there's no point staying "friends".

Thank you. It's true, this going away thing isn't helping the whole situation, when i told her i could go away for almost a year she started hugging me and crying her eyes out, saying she doesn't wanna lose me.
I went away last week out of town for 2 days and missed her like crazy, she called me 4-5 times a day saying she misses me and my touch etc...you don't say this to a friend. Now i must tell you we didn't really "do" anything yet, we only hug alot and look at each other's eyes but the feelings and desires are there, i can tell.
I have a feeling deep inside that if i tell her i would stay for her (it's my choice to go or not to go after all) i think things would be easier. And anyway, i can't even imagine what i would do without her for almost a year.
I got the feeling she doesn't wanna leave a sure thing for something not so sure.
I did a lot of thinking about this, and what my next move should be, i think i'll put this option on the table. Me staying.

[mikey1000]

And what exactly am i feeling for her? Because i love her.
Also, it's not fair to talk that way about her. Yes i agree it's not exactly right that she's feeling what she's feeling while being with somebody, but she is feeling guilty about it. She told him she's not happy with him not having a job and always getting money from his parents since he's almost 30. Everything he buys her he buys from her mom's money and she doesn't feel right accepting it (not that he's buying her all that much).
She doesn't see a future with him and will eventually break up, but it's not fair to assume that she's going to be the same way if she's with me.
Also, my career won't really suffer if i stay. I could get a job here just with less pay (i would be prepared to do that).
I worked abroad before, i went to france for about 3 months and it was ok, but nothing special and i missed home alot. Now i don't really wanna start all over, especially since now i would have a (good) reason to stay, love.

[mikey1000]

It's not the money (or lack there of) that's the problem. The problem is the guy has no initiative, and doesn't want to change. She told me he has some sort of trust fund of about 5000$ left by his grandparents for when he'll buy a home, so he's feeling secured financially i guess.
So his mom gives him money when he goes out, when he buys clothes or when he's buying her flowers for example.
That's what's bothering her. And wanting something more doesn't make her a gold digger or anything like that.
And yes i guess i did hehe.

[mikey1000]

Well over here a pretty nice home goes for about 50.000$ , and the average salary is about 300$ so i guess it's something at least.