Bitchy coworkers

[starbuck]

So I'm having this drama at work that I really need to vent about. Basically I had a misunderstanding with a coworker (let's call her Coworker A) in which she took an opinon I had about her work the wrong way. I'm a believer in sharing my opinions at work however unpopular they may be, and to be honest it was gentle constructive criticism at best. So, I knew that after this happened, she wouldn't be my biggest fan, but I figured it would all blow over eventually.

So I come to find out that now, another person (Coworker B), who is a teamate in my department, who has decided that for whatever reason she doesn't like me and is starting to fuel animosity between this woman and me. Coworker B is basically emailing Coworker A and telling her that I'm talking shit about her, which I'm totally NOT doing. It's like teenagers passing notes in class.

WTF...I don't get it. Not only is Coworker B causing unnecessary distress to me as well as Coworker A, but is also undermining the entire team that Coworker A has to get along with.

Where does this bitchiness come from? Boredom at work? PMS? I've been at this job 3 weeks and have been very nice to Coworker B. I'm pretty stunned by this behavior quite frankly.

Should I confront Coworker B? Right now I'm just letting my boss handle it, but I'm really, really tempted to confront Coworker B myself. I'm afraid that might cause extra drama though.

[ecojeanne]

is it your job to give criticism for the betterment of the team? or was it just sharing your thoughts?

[starbuck]

is it your job to give criticism for the betterment of the team? or was it just sharing your thoughts?

I was just sharing my thoughts. Basically the copy we got for an ad didn't meet the client's objective. So I said word-for-word, "Coworker A, I think you're a great writer, but this copy is almost exactly the same as in the ad they rejected."

She acted like I had slapped her in the face. WAY overreacted. But everyone else on the project agreed with me and made her change it.

[ecojeanne]

yikes that's a tough one cos i totally agree; you were giving her friendly advice. she should be able to react like a mature adult, it's not your fault but unfortunately some people are too sensitive. i guess now at this point it's too late to make ammends and if she becomes too much have another chat with her and explain how you are feeling otherwise unfortunately it's best to try to ignore her and her little bitchy mate. it may take some time due to the fact she likely is feeling humiliated, maybe next time a similar situation happens let the boss reject the idea

[Yggdrasil]

Ignoring the situation does not prevent workplace violence.

What is workplace violence?

Most people think of violence as a physical assault. However, workplace violence is a much broader problem. It is any act in which a person is abused, threatened, intimidated or assaulted in his or her employment.

Rumours, swearing, verbal abuse, pranks, arguments, property damage, vandalism, sabotage, pushing, theft, physical assaults, psychological trauma, anger-related incidents, rape, arson and murder are all examples of workplace violence.

What are warning signs of a troubled person or employee?

Workplace violence can start as small incidents involving negative remarks and inappropriate behaviour. It may escalate to physical or psychological violence.

It is much easier to prevent violence by stopping small incidents than trying to deal with the aftermath of a major crisis.

It is extremely important to understand that the following behaviours do not mean a person will become violent, but they may indicate that the person is experiencing high levels of stress. Each situation is unique and professional judgement or outside assistance may be necessary to determine if intervention is necessary.

Always take particular note if:

There is a change in their behaviour patterns.
The frequency and intensity of the behaviours are disruptive to the work environment.
The person is exhibiting many of these behaviours, rather than just a few.

Warning signs include:

Crying, sulking or temper tantrums
Excessive absenteeism or lateness
Disregard for the health and safety of others
Disrespect for authority
Increased mistakes or errors, or unsatisfactory work quality
Refusal to acknowledge job performance problems
Faulty decision making
Testing the limits to see what they can get away with
Swearing or emotional language
Overreacting to criticism
Making inappropriate statements
Forgetfulness, confusion and/or distraction
Inability to focus
Blaming others for mistakes
Complaints of unfair treatment
Talking about the same problems repeatedly without resolving them
Insistence that he or she is always right
Misinterpretation of communications from supervisors or co-workers
Social isolation
Personal hygiene is poor or ignored
Sudden and/or unpredictable change in energy level
Complaints of unusual and/or non-specific illnesses

Are there physical signs that a person may be becoming violent?

Sometimes it is not what a person says, but what their body is "doing". Use caution if you see someone who shows one or more of the following "non-verbal" signs or body language.

Red-faced or white-faced
Sweating
Pacing, restless, or repetitive movements
Trembling or shaking
Clenched jaws or fists
Exaggerated or violent gestures
Change in voice
Loud talking or chanting
Shallow, rapid breathing
Scowling, sneering or use of abusive language
Glaring or avoiding eye contact
Violating your personal space (they get too close)

What are other warning signs of a potentially violent person?

In some cases, there has been a clear pattern of warning signs before a violent incident. When you can, take note of:

History of violence

Fascination with weapons, acts of violence, or both
Demonstrated violence towards inanimate objects
Evidence of earlier violent behaviour
Threatening behaviour

States intention to hurt someone (can be verbal or written)
Holds grudges
Excessive behaviour (e.g. phone calls, gift giving)
Escalating threats that appears well-planned
Preoccupation with violence
Intimidating behaviour

Argumentative
Displays unwarranted anger
Uncooperative, impulsive, easily frustrated
Challenges peers and authority figures
Increase in personal stress

An unreciprocated romantic obsession
Serious family or financial problems
Recent job loss
Negative personality characteristics

Suspicious of others
Believes he/she is entitled to something
Cannot take criticism
Feels victimized
Shows a lack of concern for the safety or well-being of others
Blames others for his problems or mistakes
Low self-esteem
Marked changes in mood or behaviour

Extreme or bizarre behaviour
Irrational beliefs and ideas
Appears depressed or expresses hopelessness or heightened anxiety
Marked decline in work performance
Socially isolated

History of negative interpersonal relationships
Few family or friends
Sees the company as a "family"
Has an obsessive involvement with his or her job
Abuses drugs or alcohol

What can I do if I am concerned?

Take action.

If you are an employee, you can report your concerns to your supervisor, or human resources department. You can also get advice from your employee assistance program (EAP) if you have one. Find out if you have a violence prevention program in your workplace and what you should do -- if not, encourage your employer to develop one.

If you are an employer, you should know that many organizations are developing workplace violence prevention policies and programs. In fact, programs are required in many jurisdictions. A program is the best way to prevent workplace violence because it takes a very structured, well thought out approach to identifying hazards and reducing the risks for your organization. If your organization has a program, great! You should be fully aware of the policy and procedures developed to help keep your workplace safe. If you do not have a program, you should consider developing one. Remember, employers have a legal obligation to provide employees with a safe workplace. This obligation includes providing a workplace free from workplace violence.

[Rollerderby]

Yikes, that is so stressful. I was reading Yggie's post, and it strikes me as so crazy that emotional behavior is so categorized. You're team mate whom you made the comment to should be able to confront you, but now for whatever reason, I believe she has become intimidated by you. For whatever reason, she took your comment the wrong way. Your comment was intended harmless. She was embarrassed?

Maybe you could invite her out to lunch or coffee and try to talk to her politely. Say how you know about the rumors that are going around but that they are untrue. Hopefully she will understand.

[Mish]

I like Derby's idea of taking A out to lunch and bonding a little, this may be all that's needed to end this particular episode. Though if it doesn't work you may need to have a discussion with your boss about some kind of a meeting where the issue can be raised so everything comes out in the open.

I can't stand workplace drama. This day and age people misinterpret things and sulk so easily.

[Yggdrasil]

I concur, things like this have to be either attempted to be worked out between the employees and if that doesn't work brought in the open via management before they escalate and poison the workplace environment.

[Lite]

Just bitchslap the women, and tell them to get back out on the street corner until they have your money.

Keep your pimp hand strong little sister!

[misombra]

hire me for your team and i'll kick that bitches ass and appease your client!

[vashti]

Why don't you simply ask coworker B (in front of coworker A) who told her such ridiculous lies?

[Gribble]

Screw taking her out and bonding. Do your job to the best of your ability and continue to offer your criticism. This isn't kindergarten. It isn't your responsibility to worry over someone else's emotional BS.

Better yet, screw her. Assuming it has no negative impact on you, let her churn out shitty work until the boss wises up and kicks her ass to the curb.

Gawd, I despise people who can't just go to work, do their jobs and go home.

[Lipp]

Some people love drama.

[starbuck]

Gribble and Vash, those were actually my sentiments exactly. My first instinct was to confront Coworker B and ask her why she was trying to deliberately fuel animosity. But I think I should at least let my boss try and deal with it first.

Gribble, I totally agree with you. And while I'm trying to be fair about my opinions, I feel like some people feel like others aren't allowed to offer them unless they're 100% flowering praise. I went through art school and spent ten years in advertisting where people RIP your work apart without a second thought. You learn to have a thick skin about it and not take it personally. Or you learn to stick up for your work in a way that's calm and collected and still acknowledges the others' points of view.

It's quite possible that I'm too blunt sometimes. And I'll take full responsibility if I said something insensitive to someone. I know I got off on the wrong foot with the writer and was hoping that in time, it would blow over. The fact that Coworker B is deliberately trying to make someone else hate me, astounds me though. She must really have nothing else going on in her life to be so interested in mine. I actually just pity both of them.

And Gottfried, I live in NYC. It's so expensive here the hookers have to temp during the day.

[starbuck]

By the way, we're also supposed to be having a "clear the air" lunch today, which I'm dreading. I sort of feel like we're all being forced into the pen to "play nice" and it's going to be awkward as hell.

Better yet, on Wednesday my boss is going on vacation for a week and leaving me in charge of Coworker B.

Whee! Fun stuff.