I would like to know your thoughts;emotional abuse

[Junket]

I thought posting on here would give me piece of mind. But instead, I feel like I'm being ridiculed.
I j

Peace of mind?

For what?

Did you want us to tell you that if you try really hard and wait a really long time he'll come around and see the error of his ways?

You feel like you're being ridiculed because you can't tell the difference between constructive criticism and verbal abuse. In fact I wonder if you've ever experienced anything constructive from being with that boy you're going out with.

You came to us which means you know something isn't right.

People might say you're an idiot for staying that kind of relationship for so long.

I'll say you're an idiot if you recognize this toxic relationship, and pass up this opportunity to rid yourself of it for good.

We have a fantastic group of individuals from all over the world with all sorts of experiences that can help walk you through this. You'll find a lot of support (not coddling), and guidance if you ask for it.

[misombra]

she wants us to say that she should marry him and have ten kids with him.

[Yggdrasil]

We have a very long history. We have only been together for 9 months, but we have been "on and off" for 5 years. He took my virginity. etc etc etc

Ok doll, he definitely sounds like a keeper; I think you should marry him and have 10 kids with him.

I'm sure it's going to be the greatest time of your life and you guys are going to be together till death do you part.

NOW you're being ridiculed.

[IndiReloaded]

I'd like to know if you guys think I'm being emotionally abused..

Yes. You are.

Your BF sucks. We all agree on this.

So, what comes next? How can we help?

[BritNasty]

geez..

I don't know. I feel so stupid. Because although I ask for people's advice and support, I know I won't take it. The only person that is going to convince me to leave is me. And I don't feel as though I have the strength to do it. He tried to leave me about two nights ago. At first i didn't struggle. I just told him "Fine, leave" and let him pack up his things. But then it started to sink in that he was really going to do it and I broke down. I started crying hysterically and begging for him to stay. Pulling on his arms and telling him to look me in the eyes and say this is what he wanted. And oh he sure did let me have it. He told me he didn't love me, that he never loved me. That I disgusted him, that I was unattractive. That I was pathetic. And a million things more. And that only upset me more.

I have a history of self-mutilation and this just made me crack. I went into the bathroom and really messed up my arms with a razor. I regret it so much now, but in the moment, with all those emotions running on high, it was the only way i knew to cope.

I went back into the room and was standing in his way telling him he couldnt leave and he told me to get away from him and he started to get really red faced and I wouldnt move...and he pushed me. He pushed me really hard. I flew backwards onto the bed and tumbled to the ground and knocked my head pretty hard on the ground. You see, I'm pretty petite, so when someone shoves me, I go flying. I was in shock for a second.

So after that, after all the crying and begging and him continuing to break me down, I got angry. I pushed him once, I pushed him twice, and then I slapped him. I've never done anything like that in my life. But something just came over me and I snapped. I have no idea how, but SOMEHOW we calmed down and made up. And the next day he acted like nothing had happened and treated me like a princess. And of course all I want is for us to get along, so I just did the same. Like a fool.

Sorry for writing such a novel, but I just need to share that night with someone. Anyone. I know what needs to be done. But I don't know if I could ever do it. I've been fighting for him for so long. Five years. How many girls my age (I'm 20) can say they're with the guy that took their virginity. This relationship is just beginning to feel so juvenile. I don't know if any older people fight like we do. It feels dangerous and foolish. I'm worried. I'm scared. He makes me feel like wanting my spouse to treat me nice is something no one should ever desire. I just want to be loved. Doesn't everyone?

[vashti]

Seriously, you need help. Maybe you should check out a domestic violence support group. I think you can go for free (or at least low cost). They might be able to give you an idea of where you are headed.

[BritNasty]

I know. He says I made him push me. That he didn't push me hard. And he didn't mean it violently. I've been made to feel so worthless that right now I'm even thinking that people on this website are going to lose interest in helping me and stop talking to me.

He just told me about 5 minutes agon that my way of talking and conversating is very annoying and he guesses he just dosn't enjoy talking to me. He locked himself in the guestroom for twenty minutes and told me not to bother him. So when I asked him what he wasdoing in there afterwards, he told me I was nosy and that it was none of my business. He said that all I do all day is ask questions and that he wishes I would sympethise with his annoyance and just stop.
I thought that asking questions displays interest. That's just how I talk to people. I ask a lot of questions. We went out for a ciggarette and he told me he likes to talk when we take smoke breaks and said not to bring the lap top out there, and for the first 5 minutes we were out there he sat on his phone texting and completely ignoring me. When he's texting he will not look at me, acknowledge me in any way, or speak to me. So I made a joke about him really wanting to "talk" and thats when he started about him disliking talking to me.

God. I hate my life. I'm so angsty.

[misombra]

do you live together?

[BritNasty]

Yes. he's sitting on the couch with me right now. Sort of ignoring me watching tv though.

[Yggdrasil]

I went into the bathroom and really messed up my arms with a razor. I regret it so much now, but in the moment, with all those emotions running on high, it was the only way i knew to cope.

I went back into the room and was standing in his way telling him he couldnt leave and he told me to get away from him and he started to get really red faced and I wouldnt move...and he pushed me. He pushed me really hard. I flew backwards onto the bed and tumbled to the ground and knocked my head pretty hard on the ground. You see, I'm pretty petite, so when someone shoves me, I go flying. I was in shock for a second.

So after that, after all the crying and begging and him continuing to break me down, I got angry. I pushed him once, I pushed him twice, and then I slapped him. I've never done anything like that in my life. But something just came over me and I snapped. I have no idea how, but SOMEHOW we calmed down and made up. And the next day he acted like nothing had happened and treated me like a princess.

This relationship is just beginning to feel so juvenile. I don't know if any older people fight like we do. It feels dangerous and foolish. I'm worried. I'm scared. He makes me feel like wanting my spouse to treat me nice is something no one should ever desire. I just want to be loved. Doesn't everyone?

You guys both need help. You for sure need professional help.

You also need to put this relation where you are being enabled to continue your self destructive behaviour at least on hold.

You need to learn to love yourself first.

Notice I used the word need, not have or want.

If you manage to do that, you may have a chance somewhere in the future to have a healthy relation.

You're right when you say the choice is yours. I hope you make the right one, for yourself.

[BritNasty]

I know i need professional help.
I'm going to try to get it soon.
I guess I just don't want some hack trying to medicate me and cover up my problems. I appreciate your words though.
Communcation is really helping

[Yggdrasil]

I know i need professional help.
I'm going to try to get it soon.
I guess I just don't want some hack trying to medicate me and cover up my problems.

The choice about taking or not taking medication is yours to. So is the choice of therapist or counselor.

I think what you need to do is make a commitment to yourself to do the work needed to get out of this mess and stick to that commitment. That would be the first step to empowering yourself in a possitive and healthy way.

I know I am blunt when it comes to these things. I see no need to sugarcoat things. There are issues, the issues have to be taken care of. Prolonging only causes more hurt, pain, getting deeper into the downwards spiral and possible ending in total self destruction.

I don't think you want to go there.

And fyi: as long as you keep on posting here I will try to do my best to kick your ass into the right direction.

[Gigabitch]

I don't see why anyone would rush to medicate you. You just need some help, and definitely someone to talk to because your situation is very surreal. It must be really hard to keep your grip sometimes.

Find some kind of support. Wherever you live, there's GOT to be something. Domestic violence hotline. Codependents Anonymous. Something. You could Google it right now.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh boy. Well, the good news is, at 20 years old you are almost out of your crazy hormone phase.

Trouble is, you've locked yourself into behaviours you believe are who you actually are.

Here's what you need, IMO.

Are you working, or going to school? Sorry if you said so, if you aren't, go get a job *right away*.

Next, are you on a schedule? Or do you leave yourself time to think too much? I'd bet the latter for anything. So here's your new schedule:

1. Go to bed each night at 10pm. No excuses. Lots of sleep will help you get your brain chemicals back on track.

2. Get up every morning at the same time. 6:30am. Go for a 20 minute run or walk. Set yourself the *same* routine every morning: your exercise, shower, dress, breakfast. Make sure you are headed off to work or something productive (like studying or finding a job) by 9am.

I really bet you just lack structure in your life. I bet you never had parents or family that showed you the benefits of this. Please try this for a few weeks (at least 6 weeks to get the habits set).

Once you do this, other things will start to fall into place, including the crap with your BF. Your self-esteem will rise & you will be able to make decisions about things without panicking.

Make the decision. You can't change the past but you can start today. Good luck.

[doppelgaenger]

Do you have any friends or family who you could turn to for help?