My GF left me...

[Rach]

I dunno, he just kept telling me how much he loved me and he knew I loved him too. I guess after a while I just gave in. BUT to this day I don't know if I really loved him that second time, or just felt so bad I gave it a second shot.

If she really did "fall out of love", it will be hard to make her "fall back in love". And maybe shse didn't show any signs of not loving you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. I know that sounds shallow and bad on a girls part, but sometimes it really does happen. (sometimes guys do the same thing)

I hope you can get to the bottom of this without getting hurt again! BUT, if she stands by her decision, it might get her upset to hang out and do stuff if she knows you still love her and will try to get her back...ya know?

Give it time (and it may need lots of it), and patience, and let her make up her own mind. And be prepared to be okay with her decision.

Good luck with it all though!

[Satch]

I've been told that hounding her will only push her further and further away. So I don't think that this should be my approach.

Although she says she has fallen out of love with me, I really believe that she is very confused at the moment. She has a lot of stress at work, and is moving to a new city on her own shortly. It is only after she moves, that I think she may start thinking about what she had, and possibly rediscover her feelings for me. I can only hope.

But what causes someone to fall out of love? I can understand if there are external factors (cheating, abuse, someone new, etc), but not just out of the blue and over a short period. It doesn't, and may never will, add up to me.

This is hurting really badly...

[Satch]

Well, I called my ex up tonight to have a chat and catch up with her. And it went really well. We talked to each other like we always have (less the emotional talk). Everything was light, talking about our jobs and our weeks etc. She talked to me with a great deal of animation in her voice - no coldness at all. She even said that she was going to call me tomorrow because we hadn't talked in a while!

The only heavy moment was when I asked her if she had received my letter. I had to ask her this, as it was driving me crazy. She said "yes I did" in a fairly monotone voice. I then moved the conversation straight onto something else, as I did not want to give her the impression that I wanted to talk about it's contents.

I ended the conversation by telling her to remember that I was always there for her, and if she ever wanted anything, just to let me know. She gave me a genuine thank you, and we terminated the call.

On one hand I feel really good that we had a very good talk together, and on the other hand I feel sad because I got a reminder of her, and she talked to me like she always did but I know things are different. I knew that I might feel like this, but called her regardless.

My hopes are slightly up again, but my reality is trying to bring me back to earth. Man this break up thing is so hard. I never want to be going through this again! Do gay couples go through this........(just joking).

[Cybog]

But what causes someone to fall out of love? I can understand if there are external factors (cheating, abuse, someone new, etc), but not just out of the blue and over a short period. It doesn't, and may never will, add up to me.

Couple things (In no particular order):

1) Financial - Sure, they wont admit it. But the fact remains, if you are living in rags, and money is always tight, you lack ambition etc, it can sometimes be seen as someone who "has no future". This turns women away from the original glam and joy that was at the beginning of the relationship.

2) Communication - When you first start dating, and the first few months/years, you have so much to talk about and learn about the other person. If this starts to dwindle, so will the "fire" that was there at the beginning. Suddenly, you dont seem nearly as "cool" or fresh as you did at the beginning, and now they really know the real you. Perhaps, this person isnt nearly as attractive as the person they knew at the beginning.

3) "Seeing no future" - Translation - You havent addressed or made any "serious" longterm plans with the relationship. Some women need that. Hell, a lot of em do. They feel like the relationship is a stairway, and they need to eventually get to the top of it. Every week or month is a few more steps, and if you arent climbing together, then both of you are climging alone. (Or not "climbing" at all.)

4) They found something better - We dont like to hear it, but it happens. Expect them to use everything in their power to hide it from you, but it is always a possibility.

5) You got fat/ugly etc - Maybe they just dont really find you physically attractive anymore? Maybe the sex has dwindled. Maybe they feel like YOU dont find THEM attractive. Sex and physical attraction IS and always WILL BE a part of a relationship.


These are just a few I came up with.....

[Satch]

Thanks for the further comments Cybog. I'd like to address each individually as they are all very good suggestions.

1) Financial - Sure, they wont admit it. But the fact remains, if you are living in rags, and money is always tight, you lack ambition etc, it can sometimes be seen as someone who "has no future". This turns women away from the original glam and joy that was at the beginning of the relationship.

This was not a problem in our relationship. I live in an inner city apartment, and have all of the mod-cons one could think of. I dress in really nice clothes and drive a BMW. I earn a lot more money than my ex does, and never had problems in sharing it with her. But I can see how this could be a problem in some relationships.

2) Communication - When you first start dating, and the first few months/years, you have so much to talk about and learn about the other person. If this starts to dwindle, so will the "fire" that was there at the beginning. Suddenly, you dont seem nearly as "cool" or fresh as you did at the beginning, and now they really know the real you. Perhaps, this person isnt nearly as attractive as the person they knew at the beginning.

This could be a possibility in my situation. We did always have something to talk about though. I feel that we had reached the plateau stage, and she mistook this for feelings of falling out of love. We were planning to move to a bigger city later this year (my job is moving), so something exciting an new around the corner. She is still moving there, but on her own.

3) "Seeing no future" - Translation - You havent addressed or made any "serious" longterm plans with the relationship. Some women need that. Hell, a lot of em do. They feel like the relationship is a stairway, and they need to eventually get to the top of it. Every week or month is a few more steps, and if you arent climbing together, then both of you are climging alone. (Or not "climbing" at all.)

This is an interesting one. We never seriously sat down and talked about our future (except for the last few dying moments where I let it all flow). I am still legally married, and will be submitting the divorce papers next week (the 2 year separation period has just completed). But my ex did not see this as a problem as she said she knows these things take time. I cannot see anything but her in my future at the moment.

4) They found something better - We dont like to hear it, but it happens. Expect them to use everything in their power to hide it from you, but it is always a possibility.

I seriously doubt that this is the case in my situation. I've asked her a number of times, and she assures me there is no one else (and I believe her). Besides, she is moving cities very shortly which tends to confirm there is no one else.

5) You got fat/ugly etc - Maybe they just dont really find you physically attractive anymore? Maybe the sex has dwindled. Maybe they feel like YOU dont find THEM attractive. Sex and physical attraction IS and always WILL BE a part of a relationship.

I did put on a little weight, but always asked her about it and she always said that it did not bother her. Maybe she was lying. But our sex life was perfect, even to the end. She told me just before a long weekend that she was not happy, then we had the best long weekend together. That included making love. And I aways told her how attractive she was. I asked a couple of my buddies recently (after the break up) how attractive they found her. I think that she is absolutely stunning, and told her that a number of times (before). But my buddies said that although she was attractive, she was not stunning to them. It just proved to me that I was seeing her from my heart.

Thanks for your comments Cybog, and keep 'em coming. Everything helps me at the moment.

[Cybog]

I will comment on one other thing. Its 3am where I live, and I have to be at work at 10am, but ill post more tomorrow.

One other aspect of the female mind is occasionally what I refer to as the "Chaos Effect" in their brains. My sister is a prime example of this in her dating history. Basically what this theory is, is that some women simply feel the need to constantly be in motion in life and their relationships. Perhaps they arent really geared toward long term commitment with ANYone, regardless as to how pristine the situation appears to be on the surface.

For example, my sister has been married twice now, working on her 2nd divorce and split from her current soon-to-be ex-husband. An endless number of relationships, countless failed attempts, and constantly on the move from one place to the next, jumping careers, etc.

What makes her do this? Why do some guys not know this about her before they get into relationships?

Who knows why she does it. All I know is that she does. She gets in relationships and lasts for a few months/years, and everything seems absolutely picture perfect. Then suddenly, something that has swelled in her brain tells her its time to move on. There is no logic. There is no reason. She just does it. Perhaps she "Tires" of her current situation, and goes from there, leaving a string of pissed off boyfriends and husbands in her path.

Granted, I love my sister to death, and she is brilliant, attractive, and built for success in everything she does, but when it came to relationships, she just never seemed to "get it".

There never seems to be a rhyme or reason to this type of behaviour, and unfortunately, you can NEVER see it coming. It just does. The only thing you can hope for with some women is to find out enough about their past relationship history and see where they stand. Because trust me: If they did it before, they can do it again.

It seems pretty soundly that you loved this girl with everything you had to offer, and I bet a good part of you never saw this coming. There is a small indication that something might have occurred in a 2 month period, however. Did she start talking to someone? Friends giving soiled advice? Family expectations? Medical issues?

Without knowing her, it is almost impossible to pinpoint exactly what is going on here. It's hard for anyone, including you to sit down and say "AHHAA! I give you, Exhibit A!" and know exactly where all this came from.

But the best you can do is cope, anyway that you can. You are doing fine so far, keep it up. Spend time with friends, get your work stuff in order for your upcoming move. Take up golfing. It wont be easy, and this shit never is. But clearly you are a bright enough guy, you dont need me preaching "getting through it" advice.

One other thing -

I feel I've done everything I can, but really want her back one day. What can I do now? I know most of you will say "just move on", but if I was to win her love back, what are the best strategies?

Time is your best friend right now. It sucks ass to hear it, but with women, a lot of times once they have made up their minds, they stick with it. The only thing that can change your relationship is her. Prodding, pestering, or nagging as some might call it is an immediate foul, and you really dont want to do that. Give her some time to get some of her 2/3 "Big Issues" that you listed sorted out, and see what happens from there.

Keep me posted

[Satch]

Everything you say makes sense Cybog. Are you professionally trained or very experienced in break ups?

Has you sister ever shown signs of regret, or gone back to any of the guys she left in her wake?

It seems pretty soundly that you loved this girl with everything you had to offer, and I bet a good part of you never saw this coming. There is a small indication that something might have occurred in a 2 month period, however. Did she start talking to someone? Friends giving soiled advice? Family expectations? Medical issues?

I certainly did love her with my all, and noticed even more one she had left me. And I never saw it coming. She never really made that many close friends where we live (she came from a small town, and all of her friends from there are scattered around the world). Her father is in a similar situation (his new wife is 2 months younger than me) so the age difference is not an issue, and I always got on well with all her family. She has had medical issues over the past few months, but all point to the stress she has experienced in her job.

The night she broke up with me, she did so after we came home from a bar. That evening, we were both having work drinks at our respective work places. She called me 3 times to see how I was and whether or not I was going to meet her at a bar. I finally called her and she told me where she was. I took a work friend of mine (guy), and he saw the following happen (my witness!). She saw me walking towards her, and gave me a big smile (as usual), and touched me affectionatly on the leg when saying hello. Even mentioned things like the date we first got together to the group we were with.

Even a week before she broke up with me, she went out with a few colleagues for a drink after work. I went straight home that night. She stayed out a little longer than she originally expected. I sent her a text message at one stage saying that I was horny, and if she didn't get home soon, I was going to take care of myself. She immediately called me back to say "keep that thought, pour me a drink because I'm on my way home!". She came home and we ended up screwing each other silly.

And why am I so surprised at our break up???

Women are IMPOSSIBLE to read. I said to one of my buddies yesterday that the first man who writes a book explaining women would be a very rich man. Then I said that the first woman who writes a book explaining men will also be very rich. To that he said, "don't you worry. Women know exactly how men work. That's our problem."

I look forward to your post tomorrow Cybog. Thanks for the support (yes I do value your advice).

[Cybog]

Everything you say makes sense Cybog. Are you professionally trained or very experienced in break ups?

For the time being, who I am or what my history is, will remain anonymous. I welcome anyone to adhere to my advice, or ignore it like the unwashed hethens in the street. It doesnt really matter to me, but I am more than willing to occasionally shit out a nugget of truth here and there

I will say this: I type about 70 or so words a minute, and on internet forums I really dont pay much attention to proper grammar or spelling sometimes. (I let my editor do that for me ) So I apologize if my posts look like something written by a grade school kid. (That and I usually wind the night down on the forums, after I have had 3 or 6 too many glasses of wine, and a good 6 pack or so of beer )

Has you sister ever shown signs of regret, or gone back to any of the guys she left in her wake?

As much as you will hate to hear it, the answer is no, I havent really ever seen her show signs of regret. Oh sure, there have been times where guys have dumped her, and she has bitched and moaned about it. But when it comes to her being the dumper, she always seems to be cold as ice, and nearly emotionless. Some women simply dont adjust to the "lifestyle" of commitment.

Hell, a lot of guys are the same way. You see em all the time. They are your buddies who are 30+, never married, no relationship that lasted over 6 months, still think sex and how someone looks is the most important aspect of a relationship....etc. In no way am I suggesting your girlfriend is that way, but maybe something in her mind just doesn't see herself in any kind of longterm relationship. What is also possible, is that she has some kind of fairy tale dream of what a perfect "romantic" relationship would be, (Or marriage) and simply doesn't see your's going there.

Perhaps, there is something you can tell me about her past relationships?

Understanding her is not easy to do without knowing her. Personally, I believe almost every woman fits into 1 of about 12 different profiles, and the more I know about her, the better I can get a picture of what is going on inside her head.

[Satch]

but maybe something in her mind just doesn't see herself in any kind of longterm relationship.

She was a child from a broken marriage, so this could possibly give her feelings of insecurity when entering 'serious' relationships.

What is also possible, is that she has some kind of fairy tale dream of what a perfect "romantic" relationship would be, (Or marriage) and simply doesn't see your's going there

For a long time I thought she felt she'd found the right person, just by the way she acted around me and the things she said. In fact, right up until the moment she told me she wasn't happy, I thought that. Life really is a bitch.

Perhaps, there is something you can tell me about her past relationships?

I don't have a lot of detail on this one. Her last relationship ended while we were showing 'interest' in each other. She confided in me. Her last bf used to sail a lot, almost every weekend. He had the car, and left her at home all the time. He also used to work late quite a bit, so she felt she never saw him.

She asked me for advice, and I told her that I wouldn't have been happy in her situation either. But I also said that I could not make any commitment to her about us being together. I made that very clear. She left him. I asked her after we broke up how long they had been together, and she responded by saying 2.5 years (the same length of time I had been with her), but that didn't mean she could not be in a relationship for more than 2.5 years. She got quite defensive on that one.

I also asked her if she had been dumped before. She said yes. She still keeps in sporadic contact with another ex. In fact he called her during the week we were having problems. I asked her what she said to him, and she said that WE were good and WE were moving north together soon. The next day she told me that it was off for good...

She told me that her previous (sailor) ex had started to contact here again, as he had heard we broke up. He was hounding her to get together, but she was trying to give him the message that she was far from interested.

Anyways, I have been her first relationship outside of school. She was used to dating boys, but got herself involved with a grown man. I sent her an email shortly after we separated saying that this was not just some school yard relationship. I was a grown man with real feelings. This prompted her to actually phone me and give me her confirmation that she knew this. Raw nerve perhaps?

I got home from work tonight, to my now lonely apartment, and broke into tears again. I want her back so bad, and would be willing to do most anything to get her back. I must give her time if I have any slight hope.

[Satch]

I emailed my ex this afternoon to see if she wanted to get together for lunch on Friday. I still have a couple of her things to return, and she owes me a little bit of money.

I was pleasantly surprised tonight when she rang me (not emailed) about lunch on Friday. She was very upbeat on the phone to me. She said that she had a deadline on Friday, so could she call me Friday morning to confirm lunch. She said if she couldn't make Friday, then we would definitely do lunch next week. She also told me what had gone on in her life the last couple of days.

I am on a high now! She actually called me rather than emailing back. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up too high, but surely this is a minor win for me? What do others think?

[Satch]

Well, just got back from lunch with my ex. It went really well.

I greeted her by saying "wow, you look really good" (she really did!) and she said "Thanks, so do you".

We went for lunch and I got her to do most of the talking. Just catching up on what she had done over the last week and weekend. When she talked to me she was always smiling, and seemed really interested to talk to me. We both made lots of eye contact while talking, and this did not seem to make her uncomfortable. She even asked me if I was eating properly again (I was not due to stress), and told me to make sure I was. She cared, even if it was a bit of guilt. But to have guilt, you have to have feelings, right?

After we ate, I suggested that we go for a walk, and she agreed. We continued to talk about 'light' things. I told her a second time that she was looking really good, and once again she responded by saying thank you and returning the compliment.

The lunch date was finally ended by me hugging her and saying that we should catch up again soon. She was about so say that we will do before she leaves, but stopped and said that "yes, we will".

All in all, a positive encounter. I tried to act confident throughout. Although nothing was mentioned about our relationship, I am encouraged by what happened. It is the first step in showing her the real me again.

Does this sound positive? I'd appreciate some comments from members.

[Bonovox40]

I know I have no experience with keeping ties with ex's or salvaging something of this magnitude, but it really irks me how she acts like it's all business at lunch. Of course, you did too, but you've already expressed that you want to have another chance.

I just hate how women can act so cold like this. Ok, let's look at it from her side. Maybe she's felt that things aren't right. Maybe she hasn't been happy for awhile. Maybe she's ready to change her home and career and thinks it's for the best. Ok, fine. More power to her. But what about you? It's like your just an object. You were a boyfriend. It's not even like she sees you as a human being! Seriously, if you gave someone years of your life and happiness, the LEAST you could do if you reject that at some point is to be HONEST with them and give them the facts straight up! She's playing games because she doesn't want to face the stress of dealing with you. But the thing is, as her partner in those times, it's the least you deserve even if it's not what you want to hear. My ex laid out the truth on me that she cheated AFTER I discovered it and said "I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to hurt your feelings." BS! It's that she was too weak to face knowing how it would break my heart and that SHE would feel guilt.

It just doesn't add up in my eyes. My last ex told me that she fell out of love with me and wanted to go back to her ex. Fine, so be it. At least she TOLD me that even if she did play the "everything is fine, I love you." game until the end. The thing is I saw it coming and prepared for it and had closure when it happened. Did you not even have any clue she felt this way? I mean, women are secretive and can be emotional robots at time with hiding things, but not forever. Either there was no communication, or you were blind to how she was feeling. I'd think that the divorce could've had a big part to it. It's like waiting to have something you want so much but you know it belongs to someone else. You get jealous and envious and maybe eventually just hating it all together because you can't have it.

It's like my current gf. When I met her, she had a bf but wanted to break up. I knew that there was no way I would allow myself to be number 2, and have him remain. Fortunatly, she felt the same and we didn't get together until she broke up with him. (as far as I know) But it must've been a small personal hell for her to know that you HAVE a wife all that time. Knowing that she isn't the only one, even though she wakes up next to you. I'm curious to think what the situation would be if you didn't have a wife at the time when you met her, but of course that's impossible to guess.

I'm just saying that there's probably many things she kept from you with personal feelings and thoughts. With my relationship, we talk often and write down things we feel for each other to read because sometimes it's hard to talk face to face but most things we've been able to.

Have you ever struck or verbally abused her? Perhaps you think you haven't but don't see that. It only takes once or twice for some women to have their minds made up. I'm not saying you did, but I know there's so much more to this story then us readers know. Thanks for sharing what you have with us so far and I am sorry for the pain this has dealt you. It really isn't fair with what's happend. May I recommend some spiritual reading and discussions with others? Sometimes just asking for others to pray for you can make so much difference. It couldn't hurt.

[Satch]

Thanks for your response Bonovox40.

She was far from cold at lunch. It was almost if she was really glad to see me. Just the way she acted in front of me.

I also went through the messy business of starting my divorce today. Met my ex wife and she was quite emotional. Although I am over my marriage, it was still quite sad. It never rains, it pours....

I have NEVER hit her. NEVER. If I had, then I would have fully understood her leaving. And I've never verbally abused her either.

I just did not see this coming. Absolutely surprised. That's a big reason why I am so hurt. I've tried to relay the most important parts of my story here, as I am searching for answers I cannot, and probably will not find.

I am determined to fight for her back. I'm currently preparing another letter to her which I will post for feedback soon (before I send it to her).

Take care.

[Satch]

This is the letter that I want to send to my ex. It basically lays in all on the line for her. I am trying to be direct and honest, not desparate. I don't know when I will send it to her yet, but it may be in a month, or 3 months...

I'd appreciate any comments on it.

--------

Dear (ex),


I’ve had more time to think about my feelings and behaviours surrounding our break up, and this letter explores them further. This letter is direct, and I am laying it all on the line for you. Please do not feel threatened. I am not telling you to do anything you do not want to. I am not trying to pressure you. I am trying to make my feelings and situation clear to you. I will not do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

I am a serious believer of fate. I know that fate brought us together. Fate makes me vividly remember the first day you entered my life, namely your first day at work. I remember you sitting at the opposite corner of the room as me, at the floor team meeting. Your hair was dark. I remember you being introduced to the team. I remember looking at you and thinking that you were very attractive. Why do I remember this in so much detail? Because fate makes me remember this. I do not recall the details of when anyone else has ever started work around me.

I know that fate brought you closer to me. Fate made you approach me about your feelings, despite the fact that I was a married man. I too had very strong feelings for you, but it was not right for me to think that way, as I was married. This is a testament to my loyalty.

Fate made my ex wife cheat on me. This opened the way for me to leave her to be with you. Fate brought us together. Fate allowed us to unite. You cannot deny the chemistry that existed between us. There were so many sparks flying around that I was worried that everywhere we went would catch on fire!

Fate has made me realise that you are the only woman for me (ex). You are the sole person who I want to share the rest of my life with. I want us to share our good and no so good experiences together. I honestly could not consider marrying anyone else other than you. You can be the only mother to my children. These two desires are only getting stronger and stronger within me. You may still find this hard to believe given my past comments, and I fully understand this. But I cannot stress more that this is what I really want in life with you. My want for marriage and children with you is unparalleled with anything else I have ever wanted in life. I promise you this.

I believe that fate will eventually bring us back together to fulfil these desires. You are my soul mate (ex). I did not know the concept of a soul mate until I met you.

I can fully understand how my comments about marriage and children could make you feel we don’t have a future together. You want these very important things in life, so your thoughts are perfectly understandable. As I have mentioned to you before, my comments about marriage were premature due to my marriage break up. But as our relationship grew stronger, marrying you definitely was, and still is, one of my most important life goals. I am a very loyal person, and only left my ex wife due to her infidelity to me. I was also blessed with the fact that after this happened, I had the opportunity to share my life with you, the true woman of my dreams. I am extremely fortunate to have had this chance.

As I have also mentioned, having children in my life has been something that I have never seriously considered before. I have had a lot of time to seriously consider having children one day, and the reasons why this has been an issue for me in the past. I have realised that I get embarrassed around children because I do not know what to do, and have not had much experience. You even admitted to relating to my issues as you used the feel the same way. But you have overcome this just like I will. I will easily overcome this by getting more exposure to children, and am already starting to work on this whenever someone brings their children into work. I take interest in children now. I am working hard at this for my own benefit. I have even thought about what life would be like without having my own children, and I honestly know that it would not be complete. I seriously do want to have children one day, and only with you. I could not be more serious about anything. I want to create the miracle of life with you. Plus I need to make sure I keep my exceptionally good looks alive by passing them onto my children : ). Add your exceptionally good looks, and we can have a family of supermodels!!!

I can also understand if you had doubts about my feelings for you due to my early comments about marriage and problem with saying I love you. Once again this is totally understandable. (ex), I loved you with all my heart, and still do, more than anyone I have ever loved before. My love has reached its peak with you. My love for you is immensely strong. Stronger than any force that exists in this universe. I do apologise for not making this clear when we were together, but please believe that I am sincere.

My love for you has been with me from early on in our relationship. To my credit, I did tell you very early on that I was falling deeply for you, even though I have been crap at telling you this ever since. My love for you has never grown weaker. I have realised just how deeply I love you, especially since you left my side. I would give absolutely anything to get back the special bond we had together, I feel that strongly for you. My friends have commented on a number of occasions that they see just how much I really do love you with all my heart, and hope that they are able to experience similar feelings one day. My love for you is everlasting. My marriage did not last due to the fact that my ex wife cheated on me, nothing else. Once I am committed to something, I stay. Only in exceptional circumstances (cheating, physical or emotional abuse etc) would I ever consider breaking a bond. If we do get back together, I will NEVER break my bond with you (ex).

[Satch]

You are my dream woman in every single facet. I’ve called you the perfect woman, and I still truly believe this. Let me explain more why I think you are the perfect woman for me. You have so many qualities that I adore and envy. I could spend all day listing them, but I will tell you the most important ones from my perspective. You are:
· Loving · Caring · Intelligent · Attractive · Thoughtful
· Fun · Sexy · My best friend · Understanding · Loyal
· Honest· Generous · Sincere · Trusting · A good listener · Sharing
There is still so much more I want to learn from you, and about you. So do you blame me for wanting to be with you again? You are an exceptionally special person to me, and too precious to lose. I cannot bestow any higher compliment on you.

My friends tell me that I could have any woman that I wish. I tell them that this is not my desire, and that you are the only woman that I want to hold and love. No one else will ever compare to you. My heart will only hold true love for you, I am certain of this.

A few of my friends used to say things to me like “well done on scoring a twenty-something girl. We envy you!” But this is shallow and was never the reason I was with you. I was with you (ex) because you were you, not because of your age. We were able to relate to each other on the same level, so age was never a concern for me. I was with you because I was in love with you, enjoyed your company, found you extremely attractive, and found you a lot of fun to be around. You became my best friend. So why wouldn’t I fight to get you back? You are all that I ever want.

Our friends would say that we were really good together. They envied us and our relationship. They would tell me this, and it would make me feel really good inside.

I am working hard to better myself and have taken some professional counselling sessions to help myself. I have learned a lot about my behaviours and how to improve certain aspects.

I have learned that a relationship requires space between the two partners. If I am in this situation again, I will make sure I make some quiet time for myself in order to let the relationship ‘breath’ and grow stronger. Separate interests, as well as shared ones, make for a really healthy relationship. A relationship after all is a bond between two individuals.

I have also learned a number of things about myself, and know that I need to improve in certain areas. I can be very impatient at times, and have started to work on this area to improve myself. The things I have been going through recently have really helped me to be more patient. I will improve my patience.

I can also be selfish in my views. I have learned to step back and think through things before I speak, and to consider those around me before I put my views forward. This has made me a much stronger person.

I have learned that if I encounter a subject such as the motivational/wealth creation seminar incident again, I will stop and think about it before speaking. In reflection, I did handle this situation badly. You put some really good points across, and I have realised that this was something you really wanted to do. It is something that that I would enjoy being part of too. Your father and Alison are two tremendous people who I look up to, and they have some really good outlooks on life. I would be honoured to be able to learn more from them in they way you do.

I am understandable to the fact that you may be at a point in your life where you need some time alone to assess yourself. I am perfectly happy to wait for you to do this. My unconditional love for you gives me the strength to wait. This time apart will benefit the both of us, and if we do get back together, our relationship will have an unbreakable bond. I am committed to make the necessary changes to achieve this. I have never done this for anyone else, because I have never cared for anyone like I care for you. Your earlier move to Auckland will allow you to really think through things alone. During this time, I will also think about my things, and work on the changes I want to make in order to become a better person.

They say that if you are really serious about something, you should focus and do your best to achieve it. I am really serious about a life long relationship with you (ex). I have decided that what we had was so special, and I am willing to fight to get your love back.

I don’t know if any other guy has ever been this serious about you before, or wanted to fight for you like I do. I doubt that they would have laid it all on the line for you either, like I am prepared to do. If not, then they haven’t understood you like I have. They didn’t truly seen the value in you like I do. The feelings for you in my heart drive me to want to win you back.

If you do think someday you would like to start our relationship afresh, please do not be ashamed to tell me. I will not reject you. And everyone in my life would welcome you back. Please do not be worried about this. The door to my heart will always be open for you.

Please take the time to carefully think about the contents of this letter. I have laid it all on the line for you because I care for you so much. I don’t do this lightly. Please also seriously consider a possible future together. You need to take your time and be sure in your heart before you commit to me again.

We had a really strong bond together, and both loved each other intensly. There is no reason why we cannot achieve this again. You emailed me during Queen’s birthday weekend and told me you loved me and wanted to marry me one day. I believe that this came from your heart, and will happen one day. Fate will see that this happens.

Please remember that I am not saying these things because I am lonely, or simply just want companionship until my next relationship comes along. I am saying them because you are the one. The one that I want to share the rest of my life with. If you give me a chance to prove this, I promise I will not let you down.

Remember (ex), I will always be here for you.


All my love,

John.