Is it possible to fall back in love again?

[dbrckovi]

Hi Satch.

I already said my realtionship was a lot shorter than yours but this moving on/ignoring
her seems to work.

See: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=3432&goto=newpost[/url]

I still don't know where the things will end but they seem to go in a right direction at the moment.

[zas]

i think if you broke up, then it was for a good reason, and it's best to be left. whats the point in going back if it could all happen again...move on, grow and what not.

[blue]

zas i totaly agree with you.

[Anthony]

Maybe girls (as natural choosers of their partners) have some point in their relationship where they want to see other options before they can decide for sure.
I mean. On some raw animal level, male only wants to spread his seed, but female is the one which has to choose the best seed for her potential children.

Although I strongly disagree with your statement that men only want to have children regardless of who they're with, I would be very interested in hearing female opinions of the first part of the above quote.

Female members: Have you personally needed to take a discreet look or a break during a long-term relationship to explore the possibility of being with other people? If so, was your partner aware of that?

[Terry]

Hello all. In my case it was me (the male) that fell out of love with my wife. We have been married for seven years and knew each other for about 5 years before we married. Last year we were nearly splitting up and it was mainly financial reasons that held us together then. About the same time I began an online affair. I told my wife, after all there was nothing to hide in my opinion, but in retrospect it would have been less cruel to wait until we were physically seperated. But the affair took flight quickly and I was deeply infatuated. I live in Canada and travelled to Texas so we could meet. It was pretty scarey but we seemed to hit it off - in every department. Three months later she came to Canada. My wife had moved into her own apartment by then. This time things didn't go quite so well. By the time she left I realized my romantic dream was over and she was not the girl for me. I felt devastated, even though it was me who decided to call it quits - I just knew I couldn't live with her in a long term relationship. There are so many things you cannot tell about someone simply via email, even though you feel you know their mind so well. Anyway, I did something that now seems very cowardly. I asked my wife to take me back. At the time it seemed the right thing to do. She seemed fresh and different and much more independent, something I admire. She said she still loved me despite evertything and so I moved in with her. This was more than I deserved I know. It felt like "going home". Now, after only a month, I feel that maybe I have made another mistake. I have hardly made love to my wife and and know I am not the companion I should be. I am getting very grumpy again - the way I was before we split. Yet despite all this she is very understanding and has even helped me talk out my feelings about the failed affair. Yes - she seems to be an angel. Yet for me there is no romance. Which is why I seached out this thread. Is it possible to fall in love again? If I could I would be the person she wants me to be - best friend and a great lover, the way things used to be. As it is I seem to be somthing of a monster. I have a broken heart in Texas and a devoted wife whom I don't give love and consideration too but who wants me to stay and try again. If feel I at least owe it to her to try. But how do you try - can we ever get the spark back? Or should I do everyone a favour and be a man alone, until I sort my inner garbage out, before I think about any kind of romantic encounters again. Sorry this was sooo long....

[RogerPodacter]

Well i dont know what kind of advice to give you. But damn you sure are putting your wife through emotional hell...

[BillyGalbreath]

I think anything is possible, BUT if that person loves/loved you why would they need to "fall out of love" just to see that? It shouldn't take losing you once to show them that they really need/love you. Just my opinion....

Your pholosophy is incorrect, young grasshoppa. lol, j/p.

I disagree with you tho. I have been in love twice. After I left the first girl, and then the second girl left me, thats when I realized just how in love I was. With both girls.

You never know how good you have it, until you've lost it.

Live and Learn tho, right ?

[luvtif]

This has happened to me. I definately fell out of love (it wasn't just not realizing how much i loved him). But then things happened and I fell back in love, so yes its possible!!!

[Radalicious]

Ok you guys I know it's been a year since anyone posted here but I thought I'd just put in my two cents and point out that personally, _I_ have fallen in love with the same person twice. The the 2 times happened 3 years apart LOL...

I recently fell out of love again but I'm hoping maybe one day I will fall back in love because the relationship I just ended was the best thing to ever happen to me
And the woman who's heart I broke is the most special person I've ever met and I don't feel like i'll meet anyone better.

I don't want what we had to mean nothing

[Frebbiezadyke]

god yes...i did such a thing to my first boyfreind....he told me he loved me...and yeah sure i liked him but i was like 11 so i didant LOVE HIM but days before i had him sent to the hospitil i realized i loved him but he was gone for a while and slowly my love wilted away....but he foudn me when he got out and a bunch of my old freinds tricked me into seeing him (they didant know my past with him0 with in days of me seeing him again i fell back in love...but it was no where near as stronge as the first time...
so yeah people can fall back in love with someone...or....they coudl never really stop loving them

[dan18poet]

ok hi everyone this is the first time i am posting but dang it will be a long one just to let you know right now. ok well yes me and my exgirlfriend broke up in everything not on the best of terms i guess, ok well i need to tel the whole story for you truely to understand where i am coming from. earlier this month i was surifing the net in all when i remebered she wanted me to go into her email to read this one email she wrote to her friend telling her how pissed she was in all, well i getnin there in i have no clue which one it was so i just clicked on the one, well i got to reading it in it was about her haveing this sexual dream about her friend who was a woman in everyuthing i was like ok well she has had dreams like this before, but then i got to reading in her friend was telling her if she ever wanted to try something she wouldn't try to stop her at all. then the next email was something about the things her friend was teasing her about doing to her when she stayed at her house sunday night so yeah u could say like it hit me pretty hard considering i was going through like well do i care for her or not stage. and then the one email was like just her friend saying she wouldn't do anything she didn't want her to do in all. but yeah it hit me pretty hard i felt depressed till i went to work which i had to work with her and she knew something was wrong with me, well in the bathroom she told my friend lacey that she loves me so much and she didn't want to lose me at all. well then later that night i got sent home early cause i just said i wasn't feeling good, and i told her in the car what i found out and she just started crying and crying in saying she was sorry she has just been so confussed lately in with stress of school work in everything else it was to much, but just to let u no this all started after she started working at mcdonalds and started school and i started school and working a 2nd job, so yeah that had to put some stress on it all. well that night we talked we cryied she told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me in we ended up making up then we got into the heat of the monet so to speak, but then we cried more later on in made up more but she sent a text message to her friend saying all of this has to quit for now in yatta yatta yatta, well she tells like all her friends she loves them but with what just happened yeah that made me a little nervous again, well she had to go to work the next day she was all happy when she was with me but when she went to leave she was all sad, i susprised her with flowers at work by leaving them in her car, i always do stuff like that for her be romantic in sweet, but back to the pointin she went to stay at kristans house first off i knew if something would ahppen it was going to no matter what u just don't get those thoughts out of your head that easily in all, but yeah i got depressed more cause i had every idea running through my head like ok hmm yeah i wonder what they r doing right now. but then the next day was our 1 year together, she spent the entire day with kristan i wanted to c her iwas going to come down but she said that she was going over to her dads then somewhere else, well she nevertold me she spent it with kristan i didn't find that out till the next day the she told me that she was going up to her house to go to sleep but in the fact she went and stayed at kristans again well i feel she should have told me the truth about that why lie in my book. well tuesday in all i drove down before 7 in the morning to try to susprise her before she woke up, well i got ther in there was no car well her car wasn't there so i got a little upset trying to uderstand why she wasn't there in i called her mom and she told me she stayed the night at kristans well she gave me kristans cell in i drove all the way over to my ex's college to try to talk to her, and we talked on the phone in she was like dan i am still so conffused right now and i was like well i would have understood if u would have told me shes like i didn't want to make u feel guilty and i ended up sayiong how can i trust u and that i feel like i wasted my gas to drive down here but yea i know those where no the best things to say in all, i mean guys do f up in all. but she still should have told me the truth. in then she sent me an email telling me to back off completly for now and not to call her or text her but she sgreed to emails, then we didn't talk for like 3 days then i got an email back from one i sent saying we needed to talk she felt it only fair to talk to me, she came to the conlusion that after 3 days of thinking that what had been wrong the past 2 weeks was that she didn't think she loved me anymore and then she started crying on the phone and hung up on me, well i had to work the next day with her and i stayed after work to talk to her, so we talked and we talked she couldn't look me in the eyes when she did she would smile and cry, i could still make her laugh though it seemed like she was trying to be pissed at me more than anything, and i was telling her that i felt she still loved me and all of that in i was sorry for wut i said she took the waste gas thing in turned it into that i wasted my last year on her she said that wasn't a good feeling i mean come on eevrone says something they don't mean at some point. well after that in all we emailed one another i called her 4 times ince she said it was ok, then i get an email saying very rudley not to call her or email her or talk to her she felt like i was stalking her andi was putting a lot more stres on her life right now and to get it through my thick skull that she didn't love me anymore and she will never love me againand to move on, now at this pojt i was about ready to cry in all. but i kept my clam and i didn't respond or anything like that. so i figured that we were done completly in her aim she took me off in put me on the online people, well she took it off not to alert her when i came on, now the day this happened i had a girl to tell me she likes me another one to tell me i was cute and two of my exs wanted me back, so its called i have options and i am just out ther dating right now, i mean i still love her so much and want to be with her but i gotta at least try to move on though i really don't want to. well 2 days ago i had to work with my ex again, i thought god this is going to behard but she started talking to me, not me talking to her. and then when my nerves started getting to me and i started shaking in all she was asking if i was ok and wutwas wrong showing concern, and also she agreed to be friends now so i think thats a major step in she agreed to go to a play with me she offered to go which shocked me then i asked her about her stuff she had at my house to just let u no i live about 30 to 40 mins away from her so its called it would be a hassle for her to come get the stuff so i said i would bring it down when i worked with her sometime and shes like no i can come get it when i have a chancve to i will be up don't worry so thats like hmm now why the heck won't she let me jujst bring it to work let me know wut u think about that one cause we came up with every idea in the book for it. and she was also giving out hugs and kisses in allf or national kiss day and she only did it when i was looking then before she left she gave me a hug and a kiss on the check like everyone else. then i logged on to her aim thinking ok shes going to have me off her list compelty in if she does i might as well take her off of mine and no i was still there but now with an alert status thing so all of this is very conffsuing to me and all i want is to have her back but just to le u know now i didn't crak her passwords or anything we gave one another ourt passwrods to email and everything else, but leave a response of what u think cause this is very dang confusing for me in all i want is her back people tell me just keep giving her her sapce and give her timne but act like it doesn't bother u in such its hard but i am trying but heres the one thign she can't tell me in person that she doesn't love me anymore she could only do it by phone or by email sothats a little weird to somethink she is tryiong to tell her self a lie, so that way in case something did happen it was bettter to not love me and huirt that way instead of finding out something else but like i said leave one back or email me cause i need help with this. sorry for it being so long.


dan

[mint]

Hi guys,

I'm new to this forum. The same things just happened to me recently. Me and my bf have been together for one and a half years. Everything was going great until suddenly he said breakup last month. I was so shocked because 1 week be4 our breakup, everything was still very sweet. He came back from Toronto (his vacation) and even bought me gifts and stuff. But 1 week later, we broke up. He said his feelings for me were fading away. And he doesn't love me as much as be4. But it just happened so suddenly! So it was really hard for me to accept.

Again like most of u, i was almost like begging him to come back. But he only told me that he feels a bit tired and doesn't have the motivation to continue. So i asked him if i'm not important to him anymore, but he replied that i'm important to him. But it's just his feelings, he feels that his doesn't love me as much as b4. At the day of our final breakup, we even hugged and kissed each other.....I'm so confused. It seems like he loves me but at the same time he's saying that he doesn't. I dunno, maybe the reason why he hugged and kissed me was becuz he's being polite....?...sigh, i have no idea.

Now, is one month after our breakup. We're still really good friends...although part of me is still quite angry with him. We still comfort each other when we're upset. Yesterday i was really upset about something, he was the first one to come up and comfort me and asked me what happened. I dunno, maybe the reason why he did that was becuz he's treating me as a really good friend....anyway, i hope u guys can give me some advice on this. I'm so confused right now, although i think i'm ready to move on...i have to...cuz' i need to save myself...cuz' this had been killing me. Do u guys think he's going through the same situation of falling out of love?? ...hmm...but i think it's always girls who fall out of love.....

[Killabrand]

I think it is possible but I'm not sure if this can be called "falling back in love".

I can't speak from my own experience becouse my relationships were all too short to develop some strong feelings, but I have several more experienced (female and male) friends who shared their experience with me and helped me go through this time of pain which is BTW still not over.

May friend was in a serious relationship for almost 2 years when his g/f told him she doesn't love him anymore, without any appearant reason. He was devastated for almost 2 months, and all this time he was "crawling" after her and almost begging her to come back but she was more and more uninterested. She even said she hates him for being so obsesed. When he saw there's no point he tried to move on with his life. He started to go out with us (his friends), met few girls and he was succesfully recovering.
After 2 more months she came crawling back to him saying she made a huge mistake.
He took her back after he told her he won't tolerate this next time and now, about 6 months after they're back together, they are happier than ever. She looks more in love with him than ever before.

My other friend (female) said that she did the same to her b/f, and she still doesn't know why she "fell out of love" with im. She only knows that more he tried to get back to her, she was less interested in going back to him. When he finally gave up on her, she panicked and realised what she is loosing and she got back to him.
Now they are happily married and have 2 months old child.

I know some other similar scenarios, but they all have the same conclusion. If the person was really in love and suddenly "fell out of love" he/she will come back when they realise what they are loosing. The only problem is if they realise that too late.

I am currently in a kinda same situation, but my relationship lasted for only 2.5 months
before she became unsure so maybe this don't qualify for this discusion.
However I decided I'll let her go and wait if she comes back.
Maybe this strategy works on short relationships as well.

The interesting thing is that in every similar case I have heard of, girl was the one who was not sure.

Maybe girls (as natural choosers of their partners) have some point in their relationship where they want to see other options before they can decide for sure.
I mean. On some raw animal level, male only wants to spread his seed, but female is the one which has to choose the best seed for her potential children.
At least this is how I tried to explain it to myself.

My Grandparents split up for a year and it was my grandmother who came crawling back. She told me she just missed my grandfather to much. Give her time she won't forget about you.

[Radalicious]

**** all this shit pisses me off. We are taught things like "Love is forever" and so much of this shit happens. I just don't see the point.

But what about these people who say it wasn't real love if it just 'stops'?

Why does 'real love' have to last? I think it's good if it DOES last but what is 'real' love as opposed to 'fake'? Some people say it's infatuation but if that's how the human brain works, ei. it causes you THINK you're in love and totally **** someone over, then we're one ****ed up species.

Sorry about the rant. I'm still severely pissed off at myself for 'falling out of (fake?) love/infatuation' with someone and hurting someone I truely cared about and now like some freak my feelings are like KAPUT!

Where's the ****ing justice? Somebody shoot me now! I must be evil. Grrr.

[the_menace]

Hi guys,

I'm new to this forum. The same things just happened to me recently. Me and my bf have been together for one and a half years. Everything was going great until suddenly he said breakup last month. I was so shocked because 1 week be4 our breakup, everything was still very sweet. He came back from Toronto (his vacation) and even bought me gifts and stuff. But 1 week later, we broke up. He said his feelings for me were fading away. And he doesn't love me as much as be4. But it just happened so suddenly! So it was really hard for me to accept.

Again like most of u, i was almost like begging him to come back. But he only told me that he feels a bit tired and doesn't have the motivation to continue. So i asked him if i'm not important to him anymore, but he replied that i'm important to him. But it's just his feelings, he feels that his doesn't love me as much as b4. At the day of our final breakup, we even hugged and kissed each other.....I'm so confused. It seems like he loves me but at the same time he's saying that he doesn't. I dunno, maybe the reason why he hugged and kissed me was becuz he's being polite....?...sigh, i have no idea.

Now, is one month after our breakup. We're still really good friends...although part of me is still quite angry with him. We still comfort each other when we're upset. Yesterday i was really upset about something, he was the first one to come up and comfort me and asked me what happened. I dunno, maybe the reason why he did that was becuz he's treating me as a really good friend....anyway, i hope u guys can give me some advice on this. I'm so confused right now, although i think i'm ready to move on...i have to...cuz' i need to save myself...cuz' this had been killing me. Do u guys think he's going through the same situation of falling out of love?? ...hmm...but i think it's always girls who fall out of love.....

Is it really true that its always (mostly) that women fall out of love? My ex-gf broke up with me just recently and she told me the day after our argument that she didn't feel the same way anymore. She can't even say "I love you" directly but when I ask her, she said yes. She still cares about me and still talk on the phone but...how could one possibly fall out of love? I mean, we've been together for six months (seriously in-love) and her feelings changed overnight?! Can anyone tell me from their experience/analyze the situation of falling 'out of love' and how to fix it.