recent break up...

[brokenhearted33]

(I'm reposting this from the Broken Hearts forum because I figure a female opinion could help me alot here. Thanks to anyone who is reading this!)

First off, thanks to everyone and anyone who can help me with my issue.

I became official with my (now) exgirlfriend about a month ago. I probably fell for her 3-4 months ago. (we are both in our early 20s, college students, from Norcal)

Recently, she broke up with me I guess because she didn't feel the proper attraction or chemistry with me (we had a post-breakup convo and this is pretty much what I gathered). We get along extremely well, and we're very compatible. I make her laugh and I do sweet things for her. But she simply doesn't feel the right chemistry I guess.

FYI: we broke up on good terms. We are still going to hang out apparently and she just wants us to be really good friends, which we are.

Anyways, I've been TRYING to cope with this but I must say it's REALLY hard. I can't even imagine how bad breakups are for ppl with longer relationships.

All I can think of is wanting to get her back....but as I mentioned, she doesn't feel we have the right chemistry. In my defense, it was difficult for me to develop a good chemistry with her in the month we were official since, having already been good friends, I didn't know how to approach it. I wanted to take it slow for her. Of course I eventually was going to progress the chemistry/attraction/romance/physicality, but I didn't plan to do it as quickly as she apparently had wanted? Now it's too late, and she THINKS we dont have chemistry, even though I believe it's only because of the way I chose to interact with her for the first couple weeks (again - because we had already been good friends).

Is there anything I can do to fix this? I'm going to be seeing her a lot this summer since she still wants to hang out.

What do you guys think?

If this isn't repairable, what do you guys do to cope with these situations? I've never been this hurt.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

[Spicy]

Save yourself the continued heart ache and break ties, at least for now. Quit "hanging out" until you are over her. Who needs the constant reminder?

Girls that want to keep hanging out after a break up are using you as an emotional security net. Knowing that they still have one person on the hook, in case they can't land another.


Cut the line, dude.

[icelady1983]

Sorry to say but you are in the friends zone and that is where you are going to stay.

It is clear that she does care about you because if she did not she would have ended things and no longer had contact or stay friends.

The caring and niceness does not go beyond friends tho and she has been honest with you regards to this and is being very mature about the matter.

For you to move on and get over her you need to not have any contact or spend any time with her for a couple of months until you have had a chance to get over her. If you spend time with her and contact her you will get the wrong idea and it will make you even more confused.

I know it may seem hard now but you will get through this and everyone has to go through heart ache at some stage in their life.

[icelady1983]

Heart ache/breaking up is a part of growing up and learning in life. You are still very young and have plenty of time ahead of you for girls.

For now concentrate on college, have fun with your friends and keep your self busy and when you least expect it and the time is right you will have moved on and met someone else.

Im not saying that you can not be friends with the ex in time but for the moment that can not happen. You can send occassional txts once a week or something to see how she is doing but give your self a chance to move on.