I'm in trouble...don't know what to do

[nardAJC]

Hi to all, I am new here.
I am in a bit of a pickle at the moment. Not sure if this is correct forum but will post it in others too.

Anyhow, I am a 30 y/o male, very lonely and shy.

I have been told by many woman i am 'gorgeous', 'cute', 'sexy', blah blah blah...I feel like vain even saying this. I notice that when I walk in public I see girls look at me quit a lot, sometimes staring etc Just this weekend I was walking in the city and a woman said 'hey gorgeous' out of her car window as she drove buy...she was probably drunk and obviously not the driver! Some woman touch me a lot after talking just once, some seem very nervous around me, even looking at me.

therefore, I do feel I have had many oppurtunities with woman.
Or could I be wrong about this?

When I see a woman looking at me, at shops, bus stops, nightclubs, what the heck should I do? I get extremely nervous, shy, my mind races. Then we I see her go away I think "You idiot, you could have approached her and maybe had a chance"

At the same time I think, "but it is possible she wasn't interested", which, ofcourse, is true.

And also then if I see a woman not looking at me I think "am I really attractive?"

is it weird if I go up and say 'hi, how are you'???
should I smile?
should I ask her number?

I am very upset and completely clueless.

I have had only 3 past girlfriends and I feel I may be wasting opportunities.

Please help me.

I'm sorry if I sounded vain.

[Bigboy77]

lol sounds like me...
I get complimented all the time on my looks by women..
and then if i see a girl not looking at me i feel unattractive .. its weird.

I decided to just go for it...

Look at it this way:

You do not have a girlfriend or a date.. go up to a girl and talk to her and ask her on a date.. if she says no... guess what!! nothing changed!! you still don't have a date!

It's a numbers game.. eventually you will find a girl that will say yes!

[Yggdrasil]

When I walk through the art gallery, I frequently admire a nice work of art and go all ooooh and aahhh.

That doesn't mean I am going to take the artwork with me and place it in my living room.

I hope you understand the analogy.

As when it comes to finding a girlfriend or a partner, start dating. It's not that hard.

[Aeradalia]

Let me lay a little 'southern' logic on you...

In highschool, we had a boy who was afraid to get hurt, so he'd let everyone push him around... basically whining about how badly he felt he was being treated and how unfair it all was. One day, a friend of his (what few he had) finally had enough of his whining and turned around real quick and punched him right in the nose. Needless to say, the guy was shocked and in a lot of pain. His friend says to him, "does it hurt?" and to that the boy said, "Yes." Then his friend says, "was it as bad as you thought it would be?" The boy thinks through the pain and had to be honest... "No." At that remark, his friend says, "And you're still living too... imagine that." From then on, the boy didn't put up with bullies anymore... even if that meant he'd have to fight. He wasn't afriad of being hurt anymore... he knew he'd live through it.

You seem to be a guy who's afraid of getting hurt, so much so, that you'd rather be lonely than risk enduring heartbreak for a chance to be loved. If you want a girlfriend, you're going to have to risk rejection to get it. If you want to be loved, you're going to have to risk heartbreak. Sometimes you win... sometimes you lose. But you know what? You'll live through it... You'll get better at recovering. Confidence will come with practice.

[Ben_Eaten]

You are making the worst mistake and "thinking" about talking to a girl instead of talking to her. Does this sound confusing? Don't worry, meeting women takes LOTS of practice but you have to put the effort in and practice.

You need to read David DeAngelo's stuff. Go to: doubleyourdating.com

And no this isn't spam, I think the guy has a great deal of knowledge so just check him out.

Good luck!

[Rob26]

Although looks aren't *that* important with women, it certainly wouldn't hurt to get some objective rating of your looks. Post a pic at hotornot.com and see what the ladies say -- then subtract 2 or 3 points as they way overrate.

[qwertz]

or posta pic on here and we will rate you

[vashti]

If you catch them looking at you, just smile and say hi.

If they engage you in discussion, or touch you repeatedly, they are most likely interested. Just ask them if they like to go on dates with shy men.

[nardAJC]

Although looks aren't *that* important with women, it certainly wouldn't hurt to get some objective rating of your looks. Post a pic at hotornot.com and see what the ladies say -- then subject 2 or 3 points as they way overrate.

Thanks heaps for all these answers- I am going to seriously meditate on them.

About a pic? Man, that would kill me.... Even if I get one bad 'rating' It really would cut deep- and I don't know why. I would be terrified.......

This insecurity troubles me greatly. And I don't know it's cause. I don't know how to treat it.

Also, if we do treat this insecurity, this shyness, by forcing people to just talk to woman, ask them out, etc.....is this not just treating the symptom, not the cause of the problem?

[littleme]

Can u post a pic of yourself? Joking. If I had the chance I would tie you up rip your pants off blindfold you and do all kinds of naughty things to you (and vice versa) to bring u out of your shell, however as that is not likely or even ethical as i am in a committed relationship, I suggest you check out this guy: Carlos Xuma, google him and subscribe to his newsletters - there are products and courses etc to purchase but you'll find a lot of what you need for free. He specialises in the Alpha Man, what that means and how to become it. highly recommended.

[vashti]

The cause? Shyness is not a pathological disease. It's a personality trait. The way you get over it is by forcing yourself to think about something other than your own uncomfortable feelings, and to ACT in spite of being uncomfortable. Shy people tend to elevate their feelings above all else.

[Rob26]

hotornot doesn't allow individual ratings. Everyone just votes 1 through 10, and the software averages it out. It is also anonymous, unlike if you posted here.

But, I see too many women who are 4s rated as 7.5s and 7s rated as 9.8s.

[Henry123]

Hi to all, I am new here.
I am in a bit of a pickle at the moment. Not sure if this is correct forum but will post it in others too.

Anyhow, I am a 30 y/o male, very lonely and shy.

I have been told by many woman i am 'gorgeous', 'cute', 'sexy', blah blah blah...I feel like vain even saying this. I notice that when I walk in public I see girls look at me quit a lot, sometimes staring etc Just this weekend I was walking in the city and a woman said 'hey gorgeous' out of her car window as she drove buy...she was probably drunk and obviously not the driver! Some woman touch me a lot after talking just once, some seem very nervous around me, even looking at me.

therefore, I do feel I have had many oppurtunities with woman.
Or could I be wrong about this?

When I see a woman looking at me, at shops, bus stops, nightclubs, what the heck should I do? I get extremely nervous, shy, my mind races. Then we I see her go away I think "You idiot, you could have approached her and maybe had a chance"

At the same time I think, "but it is possible she wasn't interested", which, ofcourse, is true.

And also then if I see a woman not looking at me I think "am I really attractive?"

is it weird if I go up and say 'hi, how are you'???
should I smile?
should I ask her number?

I am very upset and completely clueless.

I have had only 3 past girlfriends and I feel I may be wasting opportunities.

Please help me.

I'm sorry if I sounded vain.

Check out some materials like from David de Angelo. It can help you!
(There are a few other decent guys of course-Carlos Xuma, David X, Mystery Method, Juggler, Payton Kane, Tyler Durden.....etc)

One day you'll look back and say its one of the best advice a guy gave you.

[nardAJC]

Can u post a pic of yourself? Joking. If I had the chance I would tie you up rip your pants off blindfold you and do all kinds of naughty things to you (and vice versa) to bring u out of your shell, however as that is not likely or even ethical as i am in a committed relationship, I suggest you check out this guy: Carlos Xuma, google him and subscribe to his newsletters - there are products and courses etc to purchase but you'll find a lot of what you need for free. He specialises in the Alpha Man, what that means and how to become it. highly recommended.

I read this guy on the internet called Doc Love...you heard of him? I don't know what to make of him.
Can I ask you another question (as i ask it anyway!)?
This Doc Love guy has this strategy- ask for a girls number asap, then wait a week to call.

Their was a girl I was studying with...once again, she showed signs of being interested- was looking very nervous around me, asking me to help her with questions every 10 mins....even 2 other girls said that she liked me and knew the answers to the questions she was asking me.

So i go outside when she leaves to ask for her phone number- it was obvious I was going outside to ask for it. I asked for it, then after she gave it to me I acted very nervous, embarresed, fumbled on my words etc

One week later I text her, and no answer!!!

See what I mean, I don't know what is going on....can you give me your opinion if ok?

Thanks so very much!

[nardAJC]

Check out some materials like from David de Angelo. It can help you!
(There are a few other decent guys of course-Carlos Xuma, David X, Mystery Method, Juggler, Payton Kane, Tyler Durden.....etc)

One day you'll look back and say its one of the best advice a guy gave you.

Thanks so much for answer, and I will look into those guys. I think i already some stuff on David de Angelo.

One qstn - have you heard of doc love?