I just broke up, and I want to get over it

[Molten Steel]

My girlfriend and I did have something very special, perhaps more beautiful than anything I have ever experienced in my life. We gave each other equal passion and respect, and we actually tolerated many big differences to come together. It was a really beautiful relationship, or at least I'm thinking it was.


But just lately she has developed deep feelings for one of my close friends, and it is that simple. I made the mistake of not giving her enough emotional support when she really needed it, and I lost her, suddenly and stupidly. We broke up, but we stay friends.


I neither hold any grudge to her nor the other guy. They seem so happy together, and also they are both trying to cheer me up and giving me support. I feel lucky to have met people like them. I totally do want her back, though I wouldn't try to pull back the impossible and interfere with their happiness.


My problem is that, I can't cope with this loss. Every night I experience terrible haunts of the memories we shared together. I could remember the exact sweet words we gave each other, the pain we shared, and the promises we made... So many of them were dawned at me, one by one, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about her every time, and even right now. Sometimes I just can't believe what just happened, and as I recall, I flinch in disbelief. I tried to share this to everybody I trust, but it didn't work. I even shared this with her, and she couldn't do anything else but saying sorry.


I know one day I will have to get over this, but my previous affairs never pains me as much as this did. This is destroying my welfare, and I have so much to do ahead. I just want to keep my head up and get over this so that I can continue with my life. But this loss seems too heavy.


I hope you guys will shares with me your experiences, and what you have done to cope with such losses. I really appreciate your time to read my post.

[will2992]

Jason

Seems like we will be chatting quite a bit with each others threads lol.

How long has this breakup been? I know our story isn't exactly the same but i have spoke to a few of my mates who have gone through what you are. Main thing they have all said is to lose all contacts for the time you are still unstable. Delete all traces of her, pictures, clothes, presents etc. You can either throw them away, give them to her to decide, or just put them somewhere safe where they cannot been seen. I have started to do this, although one thing i can't hide is the little hamster i bought her. He will just have to stay here as he isn't allowed where she lives, he keeps me company anyway.

Sorry i'm drifting away. Next thing is to keep busy busy busy! Work is always good! You are asleep for around 10 hours of the day, 8 hours of your waken state will be at work, making only 6 hours left to possibly think and be lonely. These are the hours you need to make yourself active! Maybe join a gym? Theres 2 hours easily (more maybe with travel). Go out with friends for a few drinks? Little things like this do help, they have helped me alot during this time. Of course i'm not going to lie, there may be days where people are busy and you will have a few hours alone, but that is were this forum and other websites can come into play!

Just try to enjoy yourself without the need of her. You would have had a life before her, and surely you were not together 24/7 so you would have had other commitments.

I hope you can overcome this hard time, remember the longer you are in denial, the longer it will take to become happy again. Ultimately it's your happiness that is most important, you could be lucky and go out with friends and see another beautiful girl who you could spend you're life with. But if you just stay in and sulk, all these opportunities will just walk on by.

Good luck my friend

[Molten Steel]

Thank you very much Will. I actually think we can make good friends.


I just want to be honest and get all these out of my chest. I think I'm heavily obsessed, and to me she is always a beautiful woman I won't want to hurt. I actually took your advice, went out for drinks, jogged around the lake, etc. Thing is, she seems like being haunting my mind and I keep thinking about her all the time even when there's no traces of her. I clearly don't want that, but the memories just keep getting to me. And worst, it hurts most when I'm in bed. Images got to me, sounds got to me, feelings got to me, I'm haunted.


It hasn't been long after we broke up really, and I know I will be fine eventually. It's just that I have never been hurt that much, and even she and her new man do want me to get better themselves. That guy was one of my best friend and I'm sure he's really sincere, I don't want to cut my connection with them. Though I told them I need a time away anyway.


I will try to take your advice Will. You do make me feel better my friend. And thanks for that.

[will2992]

Yea, it funny how situations like this can bring up new friendships. But that is what you need. Honestly myself i am haunted by my ex, at night i feel the same way as you.

You won't be losing those thoughts anytime soon, FACT. But what you need to do is try and keep them thoughts just at that time, and every other time, concentrate on other things. I have thought already i should perhaps go down the male whore route and sleep around, but NEVER EVER do that, will just make you hate yourself even more than you do now.

Like i suggested, have you taken everything that reminds you of her out of sight? As the saying goes "out of sight, out of mind".
If you are seriously finding it hard, maybe a makeover of the house/room could be in order? Could kill 2 birds with one stone with that.

1, Will keep you busy, thus not thinking about her so much
2, Once finished you will be in a new environment and shouldn't have much to remind you off her

Obviously that may be a bit far fetched as other commitments may stop you doing this, but even little things like buying new bedsheets and a quick lick of paint instantly changes a bedroom!

[Molten Steel]

Thank you Will.

I truly want to look forward to my future. I'm still so young and I seriously don't want to waste my days on this grief. But I'm so confused.

It pains myself to think of how much of an amazing woman she was. She was sweet and gentle, she's a tad older than me and is more experienced with life. She has been through a lot uneasy experiences, and she said I was the one to always make her smile even only with my presence. I adored her, and I don't like to brag but our love did give me the feeling of being inside a romantic artwork masterpiece. It was too beautiful for me to so quickly forget.


I do want her back, but I know she wouldn't be able to do anything other than saying how awful and sorry she has been, and that she isn't worth my heart broken over her. It pains me to say this but she truly loves her new man, with whom I know I can't compete. It was too late for anything and I'm in grief with that fact.

I just can't forget her. I tried to make things happen but she was just there in my mind. Her daughter said I will need time. I do know I will, but that day seem so far away. I don't know when this series of grief would finally pass. I'm feeling weak and lost all my strength to move on.


I try to take everyone's advice, but I miss her so much. She says she will still be there for me, as a friend, and I don't know how I should feel about that.


It's a painful experience and my heart has suddenly become fragile. I wish I could change things... I'm in confusion... I do want to talk to her and care for her, unconditionally, but my brain tells me that won't work. I don't know how I should feel about this...

[will2992]

Its a very awkward position to be in my friend, with her finding another man and already "replacing" you. Its very hard to overcome and time is the only real healer for that.

If your friendship was like mine with my ex, then even if it kills you, it's not to be lost. Maybe don't dive in straight away, give a few months of general chit chat here and there, until you become close again. She is after all a woman and knows you act, so in the future she may be the person you can turn to when you are having problems with a future relationship.

Someone i knew recently died in a car crash, and it seriously hits you that you should keep all your nearest and dearest close, and she is included in that list. Otherwise you may become complete strangers and will have lost not just a lover, but a really good friend, which are hard to come by these days.

[Molten Steel]

Thanks Will, that's one of the best advice I will take. I don't know if that's because I already do want to do that, and you just made it seem certain to me.

I think I will be straightforward and totally honest with her about my feelings and that I will not push her to do anything. Perhaps I will tell her I just want to be honest with my feelings and she is one of the only few I can trust. I don't know if I should talk to her about the memories though. Perhaps not, it will probably pain me more and confuse her.


Did it heal faster when you decided to make friends with your ex? There was this girl I liked a bit long ago, and when I found my feelings too late to be requited, I just stay friends with her and it heals quickly enough. That's not my case right now though, I love this woman more than anything in my life... and and she still calls me "honey"... and I'm not sure if that's the best option.

[will2992]

Well i am still kind of at the same stage as you with the being friends part, but when i am with her i do feel alot better. Before when i saw her, i would just end up blubbering and begging for her forgiveness. Now its just a cool relaxed meeting of friends, its when i am alone when i cry myself to sleep.

Just tell her you understand how she is feeling, and that no matter how much it hurts, you will always stand by her. But like i said, also don't be so quick to jump into the best friends thing, as it will hurt you if she wants to talk about her relationship with this other guy.

I don't have much more ideas really. Just keep it cool, don't overstress yourself about her and just try enjoy life as best you can. Thats what i'm trying to do atleast. Lets hope its works out for the both of us!

[Molten Steel]

Sure Will, I'll take your advice. I do feel better now with my burden somehow lifted. You're a good guy. Seriously I felt better somewhat.

I'm gonna chill out and take my dog out for a walk. Hopefully things will get better soon enough. Thanks for being my ally and friend. I think we should keep this friendship.

And yes let's hope it works out for the both of us.

[Yggdrasil]

To both of you: it's impossible to be friends with an ex as long as there are still certain feelings and emotions of love involved.

Breaking up is hard, but it gets better in time. Don't live in the past. Work hard on yourselves and attempt not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.

[will2992]

I deny that fact, as i was very good friends with my ex's after we split up. Yes it wasn't straight away but honestly didn't take an amazing amount of time. There is nothing wrong with a bit of hope in our time of despair i don't think, but other may have different opinions.

And Jason, thats a good idea, keep yourself busy! These chats have really helped me (and you i hope) and i shall always thank you for that!

[labsux19]

dang man..
i know how u feel..
thats wats happening too me ryt now...

[Molten Steel]

Yeah, it's hard to describe. I wrote a note on facebook about it apparently made some of my friends cry.

But in the end we have no choice, I haven't yet completely got over the loss, but there's a life ahead and things will fade away once the hope has stopped.

[GoldenNickel22]

Sorry to hear about this. At which point I am happy that I am not in any LTR at the time, because of this huge risk of a heartbreak. I really don't envy your pain, it must be really hard to go through. I hope you have enough friends around you to give you support, and a quick advice: stay away from your ex and her new BF, because it only makes things worse. You need to move on. It will be hard, but you CAN make new memories, and the pain WILL go away.

My girlfriend and I did have something very special, perhaps more beautiful than anything I have ever experienced in my life. We gave each other equal passion and respect, and we actually tolerated many big differences to come together. It was a really beautiful relationship, or at least I'm thinking it was.


But just lately she has developed deep feelings for one of my close friends, and it is that simple. I made the mistake of not giving her enough emotional support when she really needed it, and I lost her, suddenly and stupidly. We broke up, but we stay friends.


I neither hold any grudge to her nor the other guy. They seem so happy together, and also they are both trying to cheer me up and giving me support. I feel lucky to have met people like them. I totally do want her back, though I wouldn't try to pull back the impossible and interfere with their happiness.


My problem is that, I can't cope with this loss. Every night I experience terrible haunts of the memories we shared together. I could remember the exact sweet words we gave each other, the pain we shared, and the promises we made... So many of them were dawned at me, one by one, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about her every time, and even right now. Sometimes I just can't believe what just happened, and as I recall, I flinch in disbelief. I tried to share this to everybody I trust, but it didn't work. I even shared this with her, and she couldn't do anything else but saying sorry.


I know one day I will have to get over this, but my previous affairs never pains me as much as this did. This is destroying my welfare, and I have so much to do ahead. I just want to keep my head up and get over this so that I can continue with my life. But this loss seems too heavy.


I hope you guys will shares with me your experiences, and what you have done to cope with such losses. I really appreciate your time to read my post.

[Molten Steel]

@GoldenNickel: Thanks for your support. It does help me feel better. The pain is subsiding and I'm feeling like a new person, again. Perhaps I will learn to enjoy my single life once more. After all it's the selfishness and jealousy that make breakups seem a lot harsher.