Females with younger sister, please enter..

[Killerbabe]

Oh my goodness. Well, why did his girlfriend even confess to her sister?! They should've kept it secret just like romeo&juliet.

[Adelphi]

Well, one of the things that she was really bothered about in our relationship was that she always lied to her sister/parents; so by uncovering that, she'd be free of guilt. Also, by doing that, if I chased her, our relationship would be "perfect". In addition, she's extremely impulsive; she's one of those "Let's break up but we'll get back together in 5 minutes" type of girl. I'm 95% sure now that this is just a test if I'm willing to go the extra mile.

[Killerbabe]

Oh okay then. But according to Christian beliefs... if two people have sex they become one whole, so wouldn't it be a lot worse if you guys parted and found other "wholes" and that would be adultery? It occurs to me that her parents aren't really wise concerning that. Hmm...how about you guys get married, if you love her that much? That'd be the ultimate solution.

[Adelphi]

"if two people have sex they become one whole, so wouldn't it be a lot worse if you guys parted and found other "wholes" and that would be adultery?"

Exactly. That's what I came up with, and that trumps everything anyone asked me.

I mean, I had a VERY healthy sex life before this girl, but in the 10 months that I was with her, we had sex rarely. Like...I can count them in one hand. But I still stick with this girl. So she's definately not a sexual object for me. I wouldn't stick with this girl unless somewhere I felt that this was going to be long.

BTW, her parents aren't Born Again. They're ON THE VERGE, but they're not YET. Yes, messed up, I know.

[swimmingNreverie]

Ok, this whole situation is confusing me. I'm a Christian, and I've always been raised to wait until marriage. I have a twin sister and she is waiting until marriage; I, however, haven't decided if I'm waiting for love or for marriage. However, even though my sister has told me her WISHES that I would wait until marriage, she would never force those opinons on me, and she would never never judge my boyfriend because I decide to have sex with him. My boyfriend doesn't think for me, I do. And the same goes for your girlfriend--she made her own decisions, and just because she "comes clean" about them, doesn't mean that you're the bad guy.

Your ex made the decision to have sex with you. That was her decision, so to tell you that you need to get her sister's blessing since you guys had sex... well I'm sorry but that's just plain stupid. Maybe her head's been so polluted by all the "rules" of Christianity, that she's blind to what's really going on around her.

Seems to me that her and her sister are too focused on acts, not on God. The acts come as a result of being focused on God---GOD doesn't come to you because of your acts. I don't know if I am explaining this right.. but I'm trying.

Basically, it is not in your girlfriend's place to have her sister judge you.
If you want to talk to the sister, to try to get your girlfriend back, don't try to win her support. Tell her this is absolutely ridiculous, and her sister should be able to decide whether she CARES about you. I mean, you can quote scripture if you think it would help:

Matthew 7:1:

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

I hate when some Christians feel they are superior to everyone. No one can judge another person because if they're a Christian than they believe that everyone is born into sin. And EVERYONE knows that not a single person out there is perfect.

I say tell your girlfriend that if she cares about you, then you guys should be together. If she needs her sister's approval, then I think she has a lot of growing to do, and maybe you should just give her some space, because this is only going to hurt you.

Basically, I'm rather annoyed with the situation, and I feel bad that they're putting you through it. The older sister had absolutely no place to condemn you.

Ok, I tried to give the Christian perspective on this

But geeeez, this situation is absurd


AND, as an answer to your actual question, because I know thats what you've been looking for..

I know my sister would give you her approval because my sister wants me to be with someone who treats me well.
And I feel the same way towards her--I just want her to be with someone who loves her and demonstrates that love.

[Ironliftr3]

If the older sister has such influence on the younger, and you're looking for her approval, then ask the older sister to forgive you. Tell her you were wrong for having sex with the younger sister, and you want to continue to date the younger sister, but will remain abstinent until you marry her. That is what Christianity and the teachings of Jesus are based on, repentance and forgiveness. Certainly she would understand that.

And that IS what you're looking for, the older sisters approval. And that's the way I see to get it. If you're not looking for her approval, then what do you care what she thinks? It's out of your hands, and completely and totally dependant on the younger sisters decision anyway.

[swimmingNreverie]

yeah, telling her you were wrong to have sex and to ask for her to forgive you might work, but I mean, are you really sorry for doing it?

and if you make the promise to remain abstinent until you marry her, is that a promise you both can keep?
If not, its probably not smart to lie to her to get what you want, because if you do I can almost guarantee that it'll be temporary..

[Adelphi]

Hmm, thanks for the input, everyone.

This is confusing...I'll think through this tonight, and I'll probably come up with a decision tommorrow.

IF I decide to talk to her sister, do you have any tips?

Here are the rules:
The sister can't know that my ex (w/e) asked me to talk to her.
I can't ask my ex for help, i should do it at my own expense.

Here's the background:
When I called her sister, my ex (w/e) said that she got the call, but she wouldn't answer and never would. BUT, that could just be her trying to make me chase harder, because "Love perseveres".

[Ironliftr3]

are you really sorry for doing it?

is that a promise you both can keep?

Hee hee....there's always a catch!

No one asked for a realistic answer.

[Cybog]

You will ultimately regret doing this Adelphi.

You will eventually realize that this is a pointless game, and that they have your puppet strings so tightly attatched you arent thinking straight.

You heard it here first.

[Adelphi]

I understand; a lot of people have told me that as well; and no offense to you, or to anyone that has adviced me to NOT do anything about it, but it all come down to me and her; nobody'll know what we've done and gone through together.

Again, no offense.

[Cybog]

None taken.

But when you sit down and think about this, spend a few more minutes thinking with your head instead of your heart. See what your head tells you.

[Adelphi]

I'll keep that in mind.

[swimmingNreverie]

it all come down to me and her

don't you mean, you, her, and her sister?


Do what you gotta do, but you asked for advice, and instead you're playing into mindgames--which you are totally allowed to do. Its your relationship, and your life. I just hope this doesn't all backfire for you.

Well good luck anyways, hope what you decide works out well

[Adelphi]

Thanks...Thanks for making me have second thoughts on this. Seriously. I hope I have thirds and fourths...Hopefully 5ths. And if by the sixths I still have the same mindset...Well.