Hard Topic: old rapes affecting current relationship

[revanite]

Hi all,
This is my first post, and hope i'm doing everything right... but i searched for this forum because i need some help desperately. My girlfriend has been raped twice. once when she was in third grade, and once again when she was a freshman in high school. she's been with 5 guys, and and the two other experiences. We've been having sex for 6 months now, and she told me she's always been emotionally detached and doesn't feel anything but carnal pleasure. It hurts so badly knowing that everything i think we're making love, and there's a strong connection, she feels nothing. I've thought about trying to take her to councilling, but would i be out of place? i really just want to heal her wounds and be able to show her what sex is really supposed to be... please help.

[Yacker]

My experience with an ex-girlfriend that was raped when she was 12-13 by her way larger b/f of 15 in highschool was pretty messed up because of it. She told me about this when the relationship was over after 2 years even though I had some idea what might have happened. During those 2 years she did some messed up things like once in the beginning we were having sex for like 3 days straight 10 times a day for like a month or something. It was crazy I couldn't keep up with it and eventually she got insecure.

Anyway she has some serious issues with men and we were incompatible because I wanted the normal closeness and sex but she would use it as a weapon in a way. I don't think you can change much about a person if they had been that since a young child. They usually have to end up with someone that doesn't care much about sex and usually has a more distant relationship.

Right now she is in a relationship like that and seems happy as hell. I know everyone is different but there might be some similarities there.

[Mish]

i really just want to heal her wounds and be able to show her what sex is really supposed to be... please help.

You wouldn't be able to change or heal someone who doesn't want it or is not ready for that. Whatever she does is part of her core personality, the best you can do is accept it and be supportive.

[NeoSeminole]

drop her, bro. Trust me. You're not Dr. Phil and there's plenty of girls out there without rape issues.

[revanite]

thanks for both of your responses, she does admit it. but she doesn't like talking about it because it is so painful, and i do understand that. she's ready to move on, and start healing in a way. i just want to be a part of that, but dont want to push her away because she feels like i'm forcing her to.

[CocoChanel]

You can't heal her... but if you love her you can point her in the right direction. It's a journey overcoming rape and sexual abuse okay? It won't be easy. She has deeply rooted issues and if you aren't ready to be by her side throughout her healing process then you should end the sexual relationship and be her friend. The worst thing you could do is start something and abandon her.

[Raze]

You can't heal her... but if you love her you can point her in the right direction. It's a journey overcoming rape and sexual abuse okay? It won't be easy. She has deeply rooted issues and if you aren't ready to be by her side throughout her healing process then you should end the sexual relationship and be her friend. The worst thing you could do is start something and abandon her.

Agreed, you're going to have to be strong and stick with her.

[revanite]

thanks all. exactly what i was looking for.

[Illusional]

honeslty i dunno what to say, personally i have never been with anyone or known anyone who have been troubles to this degree by being raped.

i can only suggest that you look at it from her eyes and judge for yourself if you feel mentally strong enough to stay with her or not.

raverboy