BFs ex is seriously a sociopath

[kwoj]

Ok, I don't even know where to begin, and this is going to be the longest bs ever. Any advice is welcome.

I met an amazing man over 2 years ago. I met his kids later, we took things really slow. Problem is, he was seperated, I met him in Feb of 07, she packed her stuff, moved out, abandoned her kids in like Oct of 06. I saw the papers, they were legally seperated. I had heard the stories, even from her own kids. I met her about 6 months after I met him. Things went cool. A week later, she goes absolutly psycho. I was over spending time with him and the kids, I brought my son. She said I was disrespecting her house, her, him, the kids, said they were never seperated. Our arugment, in text messages went on for about 2-3 hours. I finally told her to "blow it out her" you know what.... she got upset and called him. I was then told that you can't talk to her like that. So we didn't talk for 3 months.

Then the oldest girl comes to me with something horrible she over heard her mother say about me, trust me I can't repeat it here, it was bad. I went to him about it, and nothing was done about it.

She is in the US Navy and stationed 2 hours away, on the weekends she would come to where we live in order t hang out with her kids, I was ok with that. Untill she would call him when we were on a date and ask when he was coming home, if he was making dinner or breakfast, then had the nerve to say I was interfering in hiss financial resposibilities of his family. I had my shampoo under the sink and she had a fit about having to look at my stuff, Ok, whatever...

She decides we all need to spend Christmas day together, that went fine, although I heard she wanted to buy me the smallest thong she could find (neither of us are exactly small so I don't know why she'd want to poke fun at my weight) all went well till about 3 weeks before she was supposed to go on deployment. Dad called her and asked her why SHE (the mother) trashed her daughters bedroom, she then accused the oldest daughter of lying to dad and telling him she was snooping, which was not said. She then told her daughter that "I'm not coming to see you this weekend, you're a liar" We went and got some donuts, trying to smooth the pain with sugar. All of the sudden she storms into the house and all hell breaks loose! She yelled at her kids for crying cause I was leaving, my own son was frightened and said he didn't like her anymore.. About 3 days later, I am with him, she doesn't want to drive the hour back to the house to drop the kids off and we were out where she was anyways so we went to pick up the girls. She said they were all the way at one end of the mall, and I wanted to stop by a store, so when we get to the entance, here she is. I asked for his keys and went in sat in the car. Thats when she blew a gasket for me disrespecting her and having an attitude, when all I did was walk away to avoid confrontation.

About a week later I'm back. Shes left us a present in the bathroom. He calls her and says "You left your KY" she said it wasn't hers, well we don't use it.... still, it wasn't hers.

She went on deployment, things went fine for 7 months. She gets an appartment, sneaks into our house and steals some of my Mary Kay make up. I had a receipt for it, she said she didn't take it but she would get me more since she was a Mary Kay Rep... low and behold she returns MY Mary Kay, this wasn't new Mary Kay. Then she wants him to file his taxes jointly with her, he tells her he will not because last time, she changed the account it was supposed to go in and stole all the refund. She raised hell and demanded my last name so she could get a restraining order to get me out of her house.

Rah rah rah, I'm missing lots of important info here. She's cheated on this man from day one, the reason she moved out was because she finally found a good catch, or whatever he is, the kids have told me stories of mommy in the ark kissing someone who wasn't daddy then telling them not to tell, and the oldest even told dad he needed a girlfriend cause mom has boyfriends. Since she is in the Navy, she is obligated to give her family so much money. Since getting her apparetment, she has racked up a lot of debt. She blames me for this because she had to get in appartment and fix it up. So why does she owe Target over 4 grand and Vic Secrets almost $1,000?

Anyways, we all got into it Sunday night. I can no longer afford to have my son in daycare because she is not helping him with the house payment, so the kids all stay home. The oldest is old enough, although mom disagrees and blah blah blah..... I tried talking to her, we spent the day emailing each other trying to work out our issues, shecalled her daughter and said this is all your fault, I told her she lied to me and when she wanted to know what she lied about and I told her, she called him... cause he is going to protect her from me? cause she cant stand that I know the truth?! What made it worse was she called again later and told the oldest this was all her fault, and we spent another hour arguing.

I looked up sociopath, everything listed fits her!


Please help

[Gigabitch]

Okay. Where's your description of HIM? This isn't happening in a vacuum, you know.

This is actually a HIM problem, not a HER problem. He's got a lot of baggage, and he doesn't seem inclined to change things. You can reasonable expect anyone's ex to be a bitch. That's why you're supposed to stay away from each other. Why does he think this is all acceptable?

[kwoj]

Ok, he brings things up to her and whatever it is, is ok cause it's her, or things never change. She was told to stop relaxing the oldests hair cause we were getting it done professionally, she does it anyways. She called our puppy hers, it's her house, even though she doesn't live in it nor does she want to. Im sorry, after last night I just don't know what to do and it all comes out like this.

[kwoj]

What I am trying to say is there is no talking to her. She does what she wants to do, regarless of who she hurts, even if it's her daughters

[vashti]

If things are exactly as you portray them, I really don't understand why you would subject your child(ren) to such living conditions. There is way too much Jerry Springer drama going on to be healthy.. I don't know what wrong with her, but what's wrong with YOU? (sorry to be blunt)

[kwoj]

oh I get it, everyones relationship is perfect.

WE have a wonderful relationship till SHE comes around. It is NOT a Jerry Springer episode. I came here for advice not to be judged.... holy crap

[Graham Berkeley]

Why can't he stand up and be a man? Why can't you stand up for yourself and walk away?

[Gigabitch]

He needs to be setting some boundaries with her. She says the house is hers? He should set her straight. Why are you eve in the middle of this? He should protect you from her craziness.

Why isn't he?

[CocoChanel]

Why the hell does everything have to be a break up with you people!! LOL! Kwoj... these people are like that. They have done it to me too. You come here for advice and they start judging you.

If she wanted to leave... she would ferkin leave. But as you can see this EX is the problem and the problems only occur when the EX comes around.

[bluesummer]

I think the problem lies with your man.....he needs to stand up, put his foot down and tell her to stay the hell away until she can stop acting like a psycho and putting their children through emotional hell. This is NOT YOUR issue to deal with, it's HIS. You're not married to him. Stop hanging out with her and trying to have a happy little family, it's obviously not working.

If my man had a psycho ex, my reaction would be to tell him to take care of it, or I'm leaving. If he doesn't care enough about you or his own kids to control the bitch, he's not contributing to the health of the relationship as far as I'm concerned. Maybe HE needs to get a restraining order, and full legal custody.

[little pingoin]

They're legally separated... has he started the divorce proceedings? He can have her examined for emotional strain and mental damage of her children (as she seems to be willingly and knowingly doing to her oldest daughter). The court may even see fit to place a restraining order against her. Once the divorce is in place, she'll have specific visitation allowances that she must abide by - no more surprise visits from her, and a leg to stand on with the police if she decides to do so anyway. He needs a lawyer and a finalized divorce. He also does need to start standing up to her. Their relationship is over - he doesn't have to take her crap anymore. Oh, and one more thing, change the damn locks on the door and the garage code.

[IndiReloaded]

Is it true you were screwing around with him while they were still together tho? Its his marriage, but you had (and are still having) an affair with a married man. That's not a nice thing to do.

You have kids too? What happened to YOUR husband?

You have no right to be trying to tell this woman anything about her own children. If you are in her home, you need to respect her rules, or don't go.

As for the psychopath part, that's just you making an excuse. She sounds angry, and she definitely needs to control her temper. You, however, sound like a trashy home wrecker. At least wait until they are divorced. Bleh, what a poor example for those kids.

[SAVANAH]

She is acting like this cause she knows she can!
Cause she knows he'll do nothing about it!

Get him to put her on her place or you'll be leaving, I know it's wrong to give ultimatums but do you really see yourself living like this for the rest of your life....

If his not willing to do this for you then he never was worth it in the first place.

Good Luck and hope everything goes well

[Raze]

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

[kwoj]

She moved out in Oct 06, she'd had the same bf she has now for months before that. They filed for legal seperation, I met him in Feb of 07, she filed for divorce, we started dating in April 07 so no I was not being a home wrecker, she already wrecked her home. She had multiple men in her life the whole time they were married, she promised to change, they did something along the lines of renewing thier vows and then about 6 months later she started in again. She started messing around with a married chief in the Navy and he was forced to retire early and she will never make chief now because of thier fooling around.

I met her in August of 07, she decided they should stay married for financial reasons. Then in October 07 she re-filed the same paperwork, he got with his attorney again and responded. She waited till the last minute and went on deployment so she could use that sailor protection act, so nothing was done till October 08. Now she's stalling, putting things in the papers she knows he will disagree with. In our state, when you divorce, you list the debts you created while married, she's listing debts created after seperation.

The oldest girl is 12, she has some behavioral issues, most of them she has gotten from her mother. Obviously there is a communication issue with him, I am trying to come to him in different ways to talk to him or approach him so I don't seem like I am harping or putting him in a corner. He doesn't always tell her everything because she either flips out or says that the discipline he has chosen is to harsh. The daughter was caught wearing make up after being told not to for the 2nd time, lied about it and created a huge string of lies, was using the emergency cell phone I got for her to call her friends, and was getting horrific bad grades. He grounded her for the last semester of school. No friends, cell phone, no home phone nothing till her grades came up. 2 weeks before she was going to be off restriction she was caught logging into a networking site with a very provocative user name, lied about it tried saying it must have been mine or my 6 yr old sons, then we got into her email and found out she had 2 accounts at this site. Continues to lie, so she has "community service" now. He decided she has so many hours of work with the neighbors who have livestock and such for the summer. The day school ends the kids go to thier mothers for a month, the daughter doesn't "serve" any of her punishment. Comes home and mom starts harping on him that she's been grounded long enough.

So I just wanted some advice. She nags him, I come to him and say hey, we need to chat about this, this stuff is not cool and needs to be taken care of, and now I am a nag. How do I come to him without being a nag? How am I supposed to help these kids?

Indireloaded: They were not still together. I am not having an affair with a married man. My ex husband cheated on me and we had other issues in our marriage. I can now say almost 3 years later that my ex husband is my friend. We know we grew apart but we have a child together. He came up for Christmas and slept on the couch for a week so he could see his son. I do not think I am telling her what to do with her own children, although having the oldest come home in a teeny tank top with her boobs hanging out isn't attractive and the youngest in a very short skirt, and also she puts the youngest in the front seat of her car, has been told on numerous occasions that it's illegal and continues to do it. I don't tell her these things, he does, and so did a cop! I am not a trashy homewrecker. The oldest is 12, when she was 4 she told daddy he needed a gf cause mommy has bfs! She was in a park with the kids making out with some guy, told them not to tell daddy!