Is this crossing the line?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I went out with my neighbor and two of her friends and invited my bf along last night.

We went clubbing and the strip club was our last stop. As I've said so many times before, I have no probem with going there with a boyfriend. So we were all enjoying ourselves and what's not. My neighbor tells me they're gonna pay for a lap dance for my bf. I said ok no problem.

This is when it goes wrong.

So the chick comes to give him the lap dance, and they're egging him on to touch her. So he started spanking her and grabbing her tits.

Personally, I didnt really care for that, but I told myself this is sorta what I asked for, so I let it go.

Then, he decides to grab her pussy and feel her up....not once.....but throughout majority of the lap dance.

So now I'm sick to my stomach because he could do that in front me, so I could only imagine what he would do behind my back with the boys.

I had no major problems with the night until that moment. I did not expect the so called lap dance to turn into foreplay. It turned my stomach, and when I got home and in the shower, I threw up all my food from throughout the night.

I'm still having vaginal bleeding as if I am on my period, and I believe it is from stress. But I am now more stressed out than before.

I really feel like he crossed the line at that point. I'm trying to forgive him because when we got home and I came out from my shower he was on the floor crying and telling me how sorry he was and he didnt mean to.

It's the fact that he was so easily pressured that has got me so hurt. How can I trust him out on his own if he is so easily pressured in front of me? Am I wrong for feeling this way about what he did?

The lap dance itself did not bother me, but that one particular thing bothered me. I have no problem having a little fun, but there's a line that you shouldn't cross I would think.

I know I shouldnt be stressing myself, but the image is stuck in my head.

I know I would never do it again, though this is the first time I've had this problem.

I really want to get over this and I dont know how to and it is eating me alive. I really believe this baby is going to die and I am asking you guys for useful advice and leave the jokes out of this one because I really would like some good feedback on this.

I'm thinking about breaking up....is that a bad idea? I'm afraid of making a bad decision.

[Yggdrasil]

Well.. in my opinion he definitely crossed the line once he started touching any part of the stripper.

Watching, ok.. touching, grey area. Intimate touching, definitely not ok.

Of course, that's just my opinion.

Considering you argreed with your b/f going to the strip club and joining, in my opinion you pretty much gave him permission to behave like this.. and with a little help from his friends...

Hate to say it, but you're just as 'guilty' as he is for allowing it to go that far.

[s_b]

Hi - it's a kinda Pandora's box moment. You gave him permission but were not expecting him to go as far as he did - this is more of a boundary thing.

I've no idea if he's the type of guy that would cheat or if he was simply carried away that night, drunk etc. What you have to deal with is whether this is actually the "real" him or not.

The only thing to do is to talk with him about your boundaries - how it made you feel, that you've lost some trust. Do this calmly but quickly, given your situation. At the end of the day you can only go by his words and actions.

You seem like a decent, open minded person to let him have a lap dance - don't knock yourself for being like that but always let him know not only what the line is but the reasons why that line exist for you.

[vashti]

The line for me would have been crossed with the lap dance.

Does your doctor know you are bleeding so heavily? A little spotting may not be a big deal, but bleeding routinely can be indicative of a problem.

[Junket]

I know it was spur of the moment, but you know now that's definitely a discussion you need to have with this guy. He thinks it was okay because you were there, and obviously you didn't openly oppose it.

I would say this is a situation where you both were being dumb.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Thanks for the responses.

Ygg, I understand what you are saying, but at the same time I believed that he understood that there was a boundary there, sorta like a think of it as if it were happening to you kinda situation. I regret allowing the lap dance now because had I known he would let it get that far, I would have never said ok. I try to be laid back with set boundaries, but I think it was crossed and I am seriously heartbroken.

s__b, He's had his days of playa shit, til he met me. I personally believe it ended because he knew he wasnt messing with the usual easy chick. It took him a year and a couple months to get intimate with me, and he loved that I was not an easy lay. He also takes care of my daughter as if she were his own, which in my book is a plus. I didnt believe he would do what he did last night, it was not something I saw in his character. They were telling him why isnt he touching her and he is a punk, so I believe he was pressured into it, but it's how fast he gave in that has me puzzled. As if he were tempted but tried not to give in cuz I was there. Now I fear he would get with anyone who threw it on his lap and forced it on him. I am now worried sick about our relationship.

Vash, after I came home last night and was feeling sick I peed and it was all blood. It's happened since yesterday when I woke up. The emergency room doesnt do shit for me except charge 150 dollars to tell me they cant do anything. Labor and Delivery said they dont take patients until they are more than 5 months pregnant, which is bullshit if you ask me. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to visit the doctor at the clinic I go to and let her know whats going on.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I agree Frasbee. I really do, and I can accept that. I should've nevr let it go that far because now I got bit in the ass.

I really want to work things out, but I dontknow if right now is a good time for me, especially for the sake of this child. He's good with everything he does, but this slip up just hurt like hell.

[Junket]

I would also like to mention your buddies, or his buddies, or whatever clearly have no sensitivity or respect for your relationship.

Just something to consider.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Heh, my father said the same thing to me. I asked for his POV...and he said "let's not forget, your supposed friends are who started it."

It's true...I just gotta hang out with diff people...this was my first time out with them and most likely my last.

[IndiReloaded]

If he had 'his player days', one would think he'd have it out of his system by now.

Some guys never grow up. Mbe you shouldn't go when he goes to these places.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I dont think it's something he would want to do on a regular. He said he didnt want to go from the jump. Then they paid for the dance and was pressuring him and calling him a punk and he let them get the best of him. It's like being called a punk means you MUST prove someone wrong in his world, which is something I always disliked. But I can't make this decision to break things off over this especially since it was not intentionally to hurt me, but more so a not knowing the boundaries thing.

We both ****ed up. I have to try and get past this, but DAMN it's hard. It'll take me a while to even get over this. I feel permanently scarred.

[vashti]

personally, i'd be a bit more worried about your pregnancy. how far along are you? are you also cramping?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

As a matter of fact my pregnancy is my only concern right now. I'm not stressing over it anymore because it's not worth it. I'm accepting it as a mistake and moving on.

I am about 4 and a half months in, and I experience minor cramps which normally turn out to be gas. I've been extremely gassy since yesterday.

[Cbrider]

I think you really set yourself up in this situation. You put the gas on the fire and someone threw the match at it.

Strip club is one thing, but a lap dance is foreplay to sex. You openly let your boyfriend receive a lap dance from a random girl, and he ran with his new found opportunity, a strike against both of you.

You two clearly don't have boundaries laid out that you both have a firm grip on. Personally, I worry about your boundaries...fun is one thing, but I think the extent you let it go to puts your heart on the table to be smashed. Your boyfriend was in the heat of the moment, but it doesn't excuse what he did. He needs to be able to say no and know where the line is drawn.

He disrespected you, but you pushed the door of opportunity wide open for him.

You two need to sit down and have a heart to heart and figure out where you're at and what is acceptable and whats not. Whatever you do, guard your heart, don't expose yourself to this again, and make sure hes with you 100%.

[misombra]

i would not deal with it. but that's just me.

what does your doctor say about all this?