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Thread: Advice needed: online to real life

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    2

    Advice needed: online to real life

    This is a very serious issue that will take a long time to explain so please me ready do read a long post.

    My problem started 3 years ago. I had an online friendship with someone and i was trying to see that friend was being honest to me. I had created a fake screen name to ask them a question to see if they were telling me the truth. While on that fake screen name one of their friends had messaged me and i talked to them for a while. Their friend, named Jenny, had a lot of probably going on in their life so i decided to help sort through them with her (while remaining under a fake alias). This person had been abused in a number of ways and i tried to help them through it the best way i could. After a while of talking with this person they asked to share pictures. Since i had been under a fake screen name i would have to send that person someone elses picture. No Problem, I found a random persons picture on myspace and sent it. I had no problem with this at the time because i wasn't planning on talking to this person after i had helped them through this issue. Unfortunately They had lots of problems and we developed a friendship over this fake alias. At the same time in my REAL life i had lost a close friend and was very depressed and had nothing to do but sit at home and feel bad. This combination created a more serious problem. I had nothing to do so i continued talking to this person. Long story short 3 years has past and this person still thinks i am someone else. They are having serious issues in there home life and because of a very close bond we have created they want to meet in real life. Through these 3 years i have been the only person that has stuck her her side and i am her only friend she has left. She has become extremely attached to me and she is in love with me. Since she has said that i have been trying to slowly back out of her life because obviously this has become very unhealthy for both of us and can only become worse in time. Sometimes i will try to start a fight over something so she wont want to be my friend anymore, but she just gets upset and becomes very suicidal and has been put into a hospital for suicidal help once already. Recently she has been having problems at home and her mom kicked her out of her house. She has no where to go and no one to turn to and she has repeatedly reminded me that she loves me and wants to be with me when that is obviously not possible. Now that she has been kicked out she wants to move in with me. Obviously that is no possible.. Everyday for the last 3 months i have been pray to God to help me find a way out of this mess i created 3 years ago. I never meant for anyone to get hurt from creating this sn. I just tried to help her with problems she was dealing with and it helped me with the lose of my best friend... Now i feel like my life is out of control and i don't know how to get out of this situation, if i ever told her that i had lied about who i said i was, i know she would kill herself.
    I know what i did was wrong, so please don't tell me what a bad person i have been to lead someone to believe i was someone im not, but anyone with an suggestions on how to fix this situation please, please give me advice...
    thank you for reading... all advice is appreciated

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    1,236
    Break it off. Online relationships are a dangerous game, trust me on this. I have been in a lot of online relationships. If anything, I would consider this my area of expertese. The fact that she's suicidal is not good. That means you are basically talking to a psycho. You need to take proper procautions when dating online. Pictures can be photoshopped (a lot of people do it).

    For online relationships to be safe you need:
    1) Established a good relationship via the phone and I don't mean just texting either
    2) Been involved with a lot of webcam chats with her
    3) Pics of everything, recent or not, the more pics the better

    I've been dating online for at least 5 years now. I've met people on all the popular dating sites in real life, which includes: match, yahoo personals, true, singlesnet. I've met girls online via facebook, myyearbook, and myspace. I can tell you that you can't really judge things by how they act online. I'm not against online relationships at all since I do them quite frequently, it's just dangerous. It's better to meet girls in real life to be honest.

    When you meet someone online, you don't want someone with a lot of issues, because that's a red flag. Save that for a real life get together.

    You're not a bad person, you were just confused and you need to tell her that. If you don't want to meet her, tell her or make something up. Trust your instincts on this. Instincts are important with online relationships. If you feel overly worried, then something aint right. Feel free to PM me if you have anymore questions.
    I will do my best to reply with an educated, humble and honest answer. Ultimately, it is up to you whether you want to listen to my advice or ignore it completely. Sometimes, my advice may be wrong; occasionally, it will be right. Regardless, I want to do my best to give people answers they are seeking.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    2
    thanks for your quick reply Raze. The real problem is that i had gave a fake name and fake picture so i could never possibly meet her..

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