Age, Marital Status, Friendships

[CAM]

Question for 30 and 40 somethings: Do you find that the number of friendships that you maintain over the years declines? Does this have to do with:

age (lived longer and friendships sometimes have a life-cycle)
age (we become different people)
marital status (bachelors/bachelorettes are different people and as they grow older they become less interesting to others, even old friends)

or, is it that society has changed and friendships have become strained due to distance, people have become busier, people have become less friendly...

perhaps it is a combination of things?

Discuss, please

[misombra]

yes. maintaining friendships expend energy and as i get older, i have less and less to give.

[IndiReloaded]

Funny you mention this, Cam, as I am connecting w/some old high school friends later this month who I haven't seen in a few years.

I haven't noticed a big decline in my number of friends. But I've always used the term pretty selectively. I only have a handful I am still in contact with from high school/college. Only 3 of those would I consider 'close' (as defined by either of us getting instantly on an airplane to help the other in an emergency).

But we definitely communicate much less b/c of distance, career, life. Like Miso says, its an effort to keep in touch, but we do it b/c we care even if its an xmas card or phone call. I suppose we socialize with our neighbours fairly frequently. But we make it a point to know our neighbours b/c we think its important for a number of reasons. I don't know that we'd make a big effort to stay in touch if we moved.

Its hard to form lasting, trusting relationships. Everyone is so busy. Plus, people don't seem to need each other as much. Noone borrows a cup of sugar anymore (okay, we share tools, etc. with our neighbours/friends) but this seems rare nowadays.

[Junket]

See??

I mentioned these things in my 2 parent failure thread.

[Yggdrasil]

Not to my experience.

Over the years we've 'lost' a few friends, due to distance, career or other moves or just simply losing touch, on the other hand we gained a few friends.

I have 3 close buddies, one of them lives overseas. He and I stay in touch via email, msn and phone. We also do visit eachother. He and his family stays over at our place when he's in the country and vica versa.

The wife has pretty much maintained all her close female friends except one who moved and they sorta lost touch.

Couple friends wise, that's been pretty much a come and go, except for 2 couples who live in the area which we frequently have over the floor, and the other way around.

So.. like I said, to my experience, no.. but then again, I'm I think pretty much from the oldest generation in the forum with 45 years on my back.

[little pingoin]

Friendships have changed over the years, but I don't feel as if I've lost more than a few. However, I've gained more than have gone by the wayside.

[dimwit]

I have gotten quite a few new friends in the last year or so. But during this time, I have also become more social myself. So more than age, I think it just depends on how much one is interested in socializing.

[Charlie Boy II]

I heard a story on the radio on the way home. They did an enormous survey in Oz on loneliness. They found that in the 25/45 age group one in three people rated loneliness as a major problem in their lives.

That was at an age when people tend to have the greatest density of people in their lives: work, social circle, families etc. They theorised it was because modern inter-personal relationships are less secure.

Most surprisingly, adolescents and the elderly were markedly less lonely than those in the 25-45 age bracket. They said that was an Australian phenomenon though.

[Junket]

I heard a story on the radio on the way home. They did an enormous survey in Oz on loneliness. They found that in the 25/45 age group one in three people rated loneliness as a major problem in their lives.

That was at an age when people tend to have the greatest density of people in their lives: work, social circle, families etc. They theorised it was because modern inter-personal relationships are less secure.

Most surprisingly, adolescents and the elderly were markedly less lonely than those in the 25-45 age bracket. They said that was an Australian phenomenon though.

I doubt it.

I would suspect similar results in the United States.

[Sonrisa]

much like Indi, I am very picky whom i befriend. I have successfully discarded all my so-called friends from my party days, only to keep the ones who have managed to keep up on the same level with me.

[Junket]

I left all my friends back home.

I didn't realize it would be so difficult when I came down here.

[misombra]

i would guess that people in that age bracket are lonely because all their friends and family are starting their own families around that age and people don't have time for socializing. or they are stuck at home with very young children and nobody to talk to.

[Sonrisa]

true that, miso. but at the same time they start befriending other couples and are more hesitant having single friends as well.

[CAM]

I enjoyed all the comments--so thanks

In my case, I guess I had such a small number of super close friends--three or maybe four (if I stretched to make a point), if you included my parents.

I say that, but I'd bet that there are people who consider themselves to be friends, its just that I kept all but those three or four at arm's length emotionally. So, this isn't some kind of b.s. boo-hoo, woe unto me thing.

I guess, I was just interested to discover that one long-term friend turned to be a total drip (I wrote about that about a year ago). And, then more recently, another friend just sort of went south on me, too. In the latter case, the person was in his early 70's.

I think I have awakened to the fact that some people I've known for years are, well, getting old. They are a bit more depressed about their age and abilities. They seem to become cranky and insecure. And, they seem to shut off from other people. So, in terms of my old friends...they really are old.

My folks aren't that way despite being older--they seem sprightly emotionally and otherwise. So, I'm always disappointed to see others who are younger than them become so disenchanted due to age.

In other cases, and this is just kind of odd to me, people who were total pains in the ass when they were in their 50's have now mellowed and become really kind of nice in their 60s (of course, I've probably mellowed too). Its like everything is changing

Sometimes, I see people my age sort of giving up, like at age 40 they've peaked. And they seem to drift off, too. Even women I've dated in my age group--after dinner its like, "If we're going to do anything else this evening, perhaps we ought to just stay in so I can put my feet up on the couch." I'm thinking, "Wow, are you that old already at the age of 40???" Ten years ago, if I'd suggested, "Hey let's just rest after dinner." the date would have rolled her eyes like, "Wow this guy is boring!" But, now, they make the suggestion.

It is completely amazing how tastes and people change and then societal changes and of course, being a bachelor and just sort of "watching the game" (backhanded reference to One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head) the marrieds settle in for the long haul of life...as was the basis of my first post...

Any way, some really interesting observations here--thanks