Why is my "friend" being a JERK and ignoring me at times?

[ellie]

Why do guys act like JERKS around friends??

OK story:
Me and a guy used to hang out, we flirted a lot, and after some time I got feelings. We had a talk and it turned out he didn't want any relationship with me. He told me he just wants to be friends, nothing else.

Me: I got pissed off, because I felt he had been leading me on, and told him to bugger off.

He called me up and begged me to still be friends with him.

Officially we're now back to being just (platonic) friends.
But why is he acting like such an asshole??????

Everytime we are out with (my) friends, he talks and flirts with EVERYONE, even my best friend, except for me. He completely ignores me, last time he didn't even say hi or make eye contact with me.

Why would he do that? He is the one who wanted to be friends, so why is he being a jerk all of a sudden??

But then sometimes he can be nice and last time we went out, we had a "leaving party" for me (Im leaving the country, moving abroad for some time). When we said goodbye he hesitated at first, then give me a BIG hug, I was taken aback for a second.

Shed some light on this??? If he wants to be platonic friends, why can't he act like a friend then, why is he ignoring me at times?

[Raze]

It's how most men are. Men want to be "manly" so they do assholish things so they will get the respect of other male friends. It's stupid and childish. It happens a lot, don't worry.

[Pietomb]

Did you tell him you thought he'd been leading you on? If so he might have just been trying to make sure he didn't again.

[ellie]

It's how most men are. Men want to be "manly" so they do assholish things so they will get the respect of other male friends. It's stupid and childish. It happens a lot, don't worry.

Yeah. But the funny thing is, he is actually quite nice to me when he's around his "crew", but as soon as we hang out in "my group" of friends he always starts ignoring me, avoiding me, making me feel like shit

[Chupacabras]

Without getting his side, I'd assume it's because he's trying to project to everyone that you two aren't an item. This isn't an at all uncommon behavior; his friends know where you two stand and he's making it clear to your friends by being passive-aggressive and douchy.

Think of it as the opposite of being a beard.

[Tug]

Let me guess his "crew" are mostly male and yours are mostly female?

Sounds like your friend wants to keep his options open if I were you I wouldnt put up with it. I believe in the Golden Rule, "treat me the way you wanted to be treated". If he wants to play that game with you return the favor when the two of you are around his friends. I guarantee it he wont like it and will change the way he treats you in front of your friends

[ellie]

Yeah I've thought of that. Well I wont see him for some time now, cause I'm moving abroad (very nice way of him to say goodbye..........) but I also don't want to sink to his level, and I also don't want to confront him about it, because it will be sort of an ego boost to him (making him think I go around all day thinking about this and about him).

[IndiReloaded]

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, acts like a duck...

(replace 'duck' with 'jerk')

[ellie]

Yeah I know. He is a jerk. I'm gonna tell him to f*** off next time he contacts me.

I'm just shocked. He is such a nice guy otherwise.

[IndiReloaded]

No. Jerks are not 'nice guys'. This is the bane of all truly Nice Guys out there.

He's a jerk and lots of stupid women find them attractive. Don't be one of those.

[girl68]

For him it's a game.

Get girl 1 to fall for you (check)
Do not tie yourself down to girl 1 (check)
Do not burn your bridge with girl 1 (because she has hot friends...) (check)
Keep girl 1 around for her hot friends (check)
No longer lead this girl 1 on (check)

There you have it, you got played- now he's playing your friends.

[Mish]

Yeah. But the funny thing is, he is actually quite nice to me when he's around his "crew", but as soon as we hang out in "my group" of friends he always starts ignoring me, avoiding me, making me feel like shit

Because he knows that he can have you if he wants you, you are no longer interesting to him, you are no longer a challenge. He wants to see if he can get other girls and he wants you as a friend for a number of reasons:

1) Access to women
2) As a backup
3) It's nice to be around people who you know like you and want to be with you

[ellie]

Because he knows that he can have you if he wants you, you are no longer interesting to him, you are no longer a challenge. He wants to see if he can get other girls and he wants you as a friend for a number of reasons:

1) Access to women
2) As a backup
3) It's nice to be around people who you know like you and want to be with you

Arggggh I hate guys!! Why do some of you pretend to be nice on the outside when you're all jerks deep inside. Sorry I'm generalizing, but I never met one truly "good guy" in my whole life.

Where are they?


So if I want to regain some of my former pride, (so he doesnt think he can have me whenever he wants) can I turn the tables by acting a bit like a bitch and turning him down?

I mean, I want to keep his friendship but I want him to stop thinking he can have me anytime anyday.

[Yggdrasil]

Sorry I'm generalizing, but I never met one truly "good guy" in my whole life.

Where are they?

They are all married or otherwise engaged. You're shit outa luck.

[girl68]

So if I want to regain some of my former pride, (so he doesnt think he can have me whenever he wants) can I turn the tables by acting a bit like a bitch and turning him down?

I mean, I want to keep his friendship but I want him to stop thinking he can have me anytime anyday.

Why would you want to keep his friendship? That's beyond me.

Act as if you don't care, even when you do. I know right- that's what your mom said. But hey- it works. Don't let him get the best of you.

Mention at one point some guy you went on a date with- just breifly and not to him, just in his presence. Don't brag, just say something anything about a "cute boy, who asked for your number".