Critique my approach to women...

[Cyanosphere]

So in my last thread, I asked why it took my 30 attempts to approach and meet a girl over 2 months only get 1, and the most common advice was that there's something wrong with my approach,

Then critique my approach.

If I'm at a Starbucks or the supermarket or the book store and I see a pretty girl, I'll usually throw on brief glance and that's it. I make sure not to stare and ogle. At the same time this creates a problem because if a girl looks my way, I'm usually to shy to lock eye contact and immediately look away.

After that I have to work up the courage to approach her for a good minute or two. I find that too many times, I let them walk away and I beat myself up over it, but once in a while, I finally just charge at it.

I go up to her and tell her, "hey listen, I saw you from over there, and if I didn't come over and say hi, I was totally gonna kick my own ass. I'm *blank* by the way."

She introduces herself and I open up with a compliment her; not the same old cliche "you have pretty hair" or "you have pretty eyes" but something unique and quirky; something like "That's a really nice dress; it reminds me of this fish I saw on the Discovery Channel" or "You have nice hair; not a lot of girls can pull off the perm in my opinion, " or "Those are cool ear/eye lid/lip rings. I feel like a wimp; I don't have any piercings at all."

I'll ask where she goes to school, what she studies, I'll say "cool" to no matter what she says (I can't think of much to elaborate on that) I'll ask what she does for work.

I've run into a couple of girls who worked at Victoria Secret and my little joke response was "Oh, nice. I always used to want to go in there and get a gift for my ex-girlfriend, but I was always afraid that if I ever walked in, I'd just look like a perv prowling around; that all the girls would just be like "Ew, who's this creepy guy checking out the lingerie," you know what I mean?"

If she says restaurant, I'll say, "Nice, free food. I miss my days as a bus boy."

If she says any other kind of retail, I say, "Oh man, I loved retail. I used to walk out of work every day feeling like the smartest person in the world. Seriously, I can't believe how many people can't understand the simple concept of buy-1-get-1-half-off, you know what I mean?" And they usually laugh in agreement.

Once I hit the first awkward silence and run out of things to say (which seems to happen too quickly with me) I say, "well listen, I won't keep you, but hey, are you into live music at all?" Then I'll mention some place either my band is playing at or another place where there's live music, and I suggest meeting up and then I pull out my phone, without blatantly asking for their number.

About half of the girls I approached gave me their number.

Problem is, an even smaller number even bothered respond when I called or texted them a day or 2 later.

An even smaller number agreed to go out on a date when I asked them out.

And even smaller number didn't flake completely.

So what's up?

[lostinconfusion]

well i have a few things i could critique you on, but you were very mean last time i tried helping you so...good luck maybe you'll listen to other peoples advice.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay. I am assuming you want honest feedback.

Your approach comes off as self-centred, which is a red flag for some, a turn-off for many, and will make most assume a defensive mindset. You want to know more?

Still, getting 50% a number is pretty good. You must be a wow-looking guy.

[Cyanosphere]

Okay. I am assuming you want honest feedback.

Your approach comes off as self-centred, which is a red flag for some, a turn-off for many, and will make most assume a defensive mindset. You want to know more?

So what's a less self-centered approach?

Still, getting 50% a number is pretty good. You must be a wow-looking guy.

To be honest, I'm not even happy when I get a girl's phone number anymore, because SOOOOOO many girls flake when I call or text them. Like I said in another thread, I got 14 girls' phone numbers over the course of 2 months earlier this summer, but only 5 of them went out on a date when I contacted them later.

[NeoSeminole]

Cyanosphere says:

"If I'm at a Starbucks or the supermarket or the book store and I see a pretty girl, I'll usually throw on brief glance and that's it. I make sure not to stare and ogle. At the same time this creates a problem because if a girl looks my way, I'm usually to shy to lock eye contact and immediately look away."

never look away first. This is beta male behavior and girls aren't attracted to beta males. If a girl makes eye contact with you, hold your glance and smile. Usually they will look away and then look back if they like you.

"After that I have to work up the courage to approach her for a good minute or two. I find that too many times, I let them walk away and I beat myself up over it, but once in a while, I finally just charge at it."

ask yourself what's worse: the regret of approaching a girl and finding out it wasn't meant to be or the regret of not approaching her and never knowing if she was the one for you? ;-)

"I go up to her and tell her, "hey listen, I saw you from over there, and if I didn't come over and say hi, I was totally gonna kick my own ass. I'm *blank* by the way."

don't say that! You're already putting her up on a pedestal, which gives her control over you. Girls like to be flattered but don't make her feel superior. Instead, you should open with something that ties into what you two are doing.

"She introduces herself and I open up with a compliment her; not the same old cliche "you have pretty hair" or "you have pretty eyes" but something unique and quirky; something like "That's a really nice dress; it reminds me of this fish I saw on the Discovery Channel" or "You have nice hair; not a lot of girls can pull off the perm in my opinion, " or "Those are cool ear/eye lid/lip rings. I feel like a wimp; I don't have any piercings at all."

don't compliment girls right off the bat. It makes you look desperate.

"Once I hit the first awkward silence and run out of things to say (which seems to happen too quickly with me) I say, "well listen, I won't keep you, but hey, are you into live music at all?" Then I'll mention some place either my band is playing at or another place where there's live music, and I suggest meeting up and then I pull out my phone, without blatantly asking for their number."

don't wait until an awkward silence to end a conversation. You always want to end things with a girl you just met on a high note so she will associate you with positive feelings. This is why you should keep the conversation brief and make your exit as soon as you see an opportunity.

[ecojeanne]

no offense but you really do sound desperate. 30 approaches! holy mother. I would have no desire to date a man broadcasting to the universe he was “looking” for a relationship. How could I be sure he wanted ME, and not just a warm body doubling as a security blanket? this is the reason for your problem, you're coming across how you are------desperate.

[IndiReloaded]

"I go up to her and tell her, "hey listen, I saw you from over there, and if I didn't come over and say hi, I was totally gonna kick my own ass. I'm *blank* by the way."

don't say that! You're already putting her up on a pedestal, which gives her control over you. Girls like to be flattered but don't make her feel superior. Instead, you should open with something that ties into what you two are doing.

"She introduces herself and I open up with a compliment her; not the same old cliche "you have pretty hair" or "you have pretty eyes" but something unique and quirky; something like "That's a really nice dress; it reminds me of this fish I saw on the Discovery Channel" or "You have nice hair; not a lot of girls can pull off the perm in my opinion, " or "Those are cool ear/eye lid/lip rings. I feel like a wimp; I don't have any piercings at all."

don't compliment girls right off the bat. It makes you look desperate.

Interesting. I took issue with the same things Neo did, but my reasons are different from his.

Well, the first comment I thought something similar to Neo's point about putting her up on a pedastal. Which will create discomfort, for sure. The second half being about you (gonna kick my ass), just added to the awkwardness. It tells me you are concerned about your feelings.

As a recipient of a random approach by a guy, I think I would have been more open to a comment like "Hey, that's a <comment on book she is examining>. I just finished <mention another book> and thought it was quite good."

This way, you are just discussing books, you know? Its not about her, her looks, or you. But, it does demonstrate an awareness that she might have an interest in books, or other things. But indirectly and not too aggressively.

As for followup, I'll leave that to Neo. It will depend on her response, obviously.

And yes, commenting on physical appearance straight away can suggest you are desperate. Only a bitch would be less than gracious about a compliment, but it does tend to put young women on the defensive. Be less direct. Try asking her for an opinion.

[Cyanosphere]

Cyanosphere says:

"If I'm at a Starbucks or the supermarket or the book store and I see a pretty girl, I'll usually throw on brief glance and that's it. I make sure not to stare and ogle. At the same time this creates a problem because if a girl looks my way, I'm usually to shy to lock eye contact and immediately look away."

never look away first. This is beta male behavior and girls aren't attracted to beta males. If a girl makes eye contact with you, hold your glance and smile. Usually they will look away and then look back if they like you.

"After that I have to work up the courage to approach her for a good minute or two. I find that too many times, I let them walk away and I beat myself up over it, but once in a while, I finally just charge at it."

ask yourself what's worse: the regret of approaching a girl and finding out it wasn't meant to be or the regret of not approaching her and never knowing if she was the one for you? ;-)

"I go up to her and tell her, "hey listen, I saw you from over there, and if I didn't come over and say hi, I was totally gonna kick my own ass. I'm *blank* by the way."

don't say that! You're already putting her up on a pedestal, which gives her control over you. Girls like to be flattered but don't make her feel superior. Instead, you should open with something that ties into what you two are doing.

"She introduces herself and I open up with a compliment her; not the same old cliche "you have pretty hair" or "you have pretty eyes" but something unique and quirky; something like "That's a really nice dress; it reminds me of this fish I saw on the Discovery Channel" or "You have nice hair; not a lot of girls can pull off the perm in my opinion, " or "Those are cool ear/eye lid/lip rings. I feel like a wimp; I don't have any piercings at all."

don't compliment girls right off the bat. It makes you look desperate.

"Once I hit the first awkward silence and run out of things to say (which seems to happen too quickly with me) I say, "well listen, I won't keep you, but hey, are you into live music at all?" Then I'll mention some place either my band is playing at or another place where there's live music, and I suggest meeting up and then I pull out my phone, without blatantly asking for their number."

don't wait until an awkward silence to end a conversation. You always want to end things with a girl you just met on a high note so she will associate you with positive feelings. This is why you should keep the conversation brief and make your exit as soon as you see an opportunity.

Care to give an example of a good exchange between a guy and a girl?

[Cyanosphere]

no offense but you really do sound desperate. 30 approaches! holy mother. I would have no desire to date a man broadcasting to the universe he was “looking” for a relationship. How could I be sure he wanted ME, and not just a warm body doubling as a security blanket? this is the reason for your problem, you're coming across how you are------desperate.

Once again, every time I try to talk to a new girl, how on earth could she possibly know I've approached however-many women before her? We've never met. How's she supposed to know what my intentions are?

[IndiReloaded]

Once again, every time I try to talk to a new girl, how on earth could she possibly know I've approached however-many women before her? We've never met. How's she supposed to know what my intentions are?

I agree. It doesn't matter unless you have a digital display "you are approach number XX" on your forehead.

[thecoach]

If you are in a supermarket, buy her a bunch a flowers. This will make an impression! It is an old trick, unfortunately not very used any more.

[NeoSeminole]

Cyanosphere says:

"Care to give an example of a good exchange between a guy and a girl?"

supermarket: "excuse me, I'm teaching myself how to cook and was wondering what you look for when buying __?"

bookstore: "hi, I noticed you're reading __. How do you like it so far?"

[Yggdrasil]

Hint: let the girl do the work.

[Mish]

Care to give an example of a good exchange between a guy and a girl?

Always start off on a casual note, have something interesting to say, be observant, don't compliment off the bat it sounds desperate e.g. supermarket, the girl has a packet of cereal and milk

You: Breakfast time?
Her: (Smiles)
You: Did you hear what they said about cereal on the news?
Her: (curiously) I think I missed it, what did they say?
You: Bla bla bla bla bla (A lot of marketers put trick information on the box or always check the amount of sugar content or too much milk is bad for you etc...) I'm just letting you know because I can see you look after your health, you look fit...

Go from there

[Gribble]

Try not to be so goddamn nice. You know what? Girls like it when the right guy ogles them. Check her out, enjoy the goods. If she looks up meet her eyes and smile. If she's pissed, well, clearly she's a lesbo and you need to move on.