serious help required :(

[Tech]

I cannot believe the way things have turned out with the love of my life and her/us.
we have had a GREAT 7 month and all this month (8th month) has been nothing but a nightmare and really bad hurt and anger.

every couple I know, even married people have the odd tiff and work it out but this.... no.
I did everything for her, sacrificed things too. I was there when she was about to be evicted with her kids, I gave her ALOT of money to bail her out. (this was in the beginning of a relationship!)

I was there when she wasnt well and got admitted to hospital (even though she is a nurse), I was there when the ex husband of hers was putting her down, I was there when her son was being a nightmare.

To cut to the chase, things went way way overboard and out of propertion this month which resulted in both of us saying things to hurt each other and not seeing each other.... then she said she loves me and wants me but take it slow which is fine.
But when you feel the relationship maybe coming to an end or fear for everything..... well, you just cant stop but to try and work it out.


anyway, she said she wanted to meet me, then not, then again she wanted to.... whatever.
yesterday after work I went to hers (takes me 1.5 hours to get to her) but of course she was mad and upset because of the things we said to each other during the day. I just wanted her to calm down and be in peace and talk it through like proper adults.

of course she said she didnt want to see me but I wanted to talk - she did have her friend there with her, then another friend came obviously.... and nothing but argument session happening. I am not a violent man or have had any criminal records or anything - I am a professional with a strong upbringing and cultured background and well educated.

Now I said to her come on, please just 2 minutes in the kitchen to talk to which she agreed.
I tried to calm her down and say look please dont end it, we can work it out like we said. I gave her an eternity ring which she wanted and felt the same way and means alot.

Now, I tried to hold her in my arms but of course she tried to refuse that and turn away and turn her back to me but I was gently trying to turn her around to me to kiss her/let her be in my arms to comfort each other (not forcefully at all!) but no....

I am a very passionate and affectionate person, she knows this and this is why we got on so so well from the word go and knows I am not the same. I would try to do anything to save a relationship or whatever as I am committed and dedicated. im sure you would too to try and talk, to comfort each other to hold each other. I never knew it was a crime.


Later... I got arrested and put into the police cell! For what? For sexual assult and common abuse for a small domestic that went WAY out of propertion AGAIN because she is upset and hurting as she does to me.

I couldnt believe it and still cant and thought she was different to which she claims to be... but whatever.

So now, the sexual assult charges has been dropped, but I need to go to court for the other charge which is common assult (non battery?)

I am so worried. I am young, she is older and have my whole life ahead of me.

Will I go to prison? They said that this is a very minor thing and wouldnt but I am worried to death.
What should I plead? And what happens if I am found guilty?

Would I get a criminal record? What if I did and wanted to go to the states as I do every year?

This just makes no sense. I never thought she would be the type at all. she is just blowing it way out of propertion so she feels better and has all her friends to support her whilst I have no one at all.

I don't know what to do or think at all. She is making me like this for no reason other than we had a small disagreement which went way out of propertion! She knows me well and knows that all this is nonsense but .... I just dont know why women are like this.

I'd NEVER hurt a fly. she knows that. I have respect for women and never "look" at them in that way at all as most people may do.

This is my 2nd ever relationship in my life (I dont do flings/one nighters) and this was the best.... until this month. After everything we did together and felt..... why.

please... can someone tell me what I can do or answer my questions?

[mrtennis]

I think that you don't have any replies yet because your situation is so difficult. I wish that I had an answer for you that would make things easier or less hurtful, but I know that I do not. Do you have any family to turn to?

Sorry man, I wish I could help.

[Tech]

Thanks. I really appreciate your reply.

No, I unfortunately do not have family as I sacrificed it for her recently.... no family connections im afraid

just wish I could get through and talk to her but obviously I cant. she was so good.... but obviously changed and used me the way she wanted and to "pass time"... and get her way because the law is in favour of women.

[ecojeanne]

i assume you are 23? what age is she?

it is a crime to touch someone no matter how gently you think it is when they do not want you to touch them. this i guess (whether it got blown out of proportion or not) is a lesson learnt about the law for you. it may indeed be unfair afterall she did drop the other charges of sexual assault. i think anyone who accuses someone of something they didn't do will find that the judge will find it difficult to believe them with subsequent charges.

[Tunstall]

A woman who would pull this on you definately was using a desperate (cowerdly) way to get you out of her life for what ever reason. At least she dropped the sexual charges against you This situation sucks and is a horrible way to say "Leave me alone.", but just take it at that. I wish you the best of luck.

[Yggdrasil]

Tech,

you have to understand that we live in a society where women are OVERLY protected by the law and can get away with crap you wouldn't believe.

Prime examples includes wifes battering their husbands and when the husband defends himself then the wife presses charges for physical abuse.

We live in a society which has been conditioned in such way that women are the victims and men are the abusers.

The good news is, lately, there is a lot of awareness being raised about this very biassed, judgemental and stereotypical behaviour. However, we still have a long way to go, till BOTH genders are equaly represented in legal matters.

When in a situation where you have to deal with a female, for now, remember only one rule: NEVER, EVER touch her, even not in self defense.

[Tech]

thank-you. yes i understand. she was 32.

I dont think she dropped the charges but was actually done by the higher authority of the police.

this is exactly why i am always worried about women and what they might do and the type to exist, and is so hard to find someone decent and to try and open up - we did and got on so well until recently for no reason really apart from a minor argument about something (infact, wasnt an argument but rather a difference of opinion).

one minute she wants me, loves me, the next she doesnt... then blames me for being on a rollercoaster of emotions! And she is a nurse @ the NHS..... I wonder how sometimes.

I cant sleep or anything. just... cannot believe all this. been blown way out of propertion.

she threw a metal can at me a while ago, as we were playing with each other/teasing each other which she knew very well... but something got to her to do this, however I never called the police or anything.

even before, when I wanted to go/leave the place, she tried to block my way to get out and even pushed/pinned me on the bed.... but i never did anything about it.

yet if I try to do everything to save a relationship, the cops get called in. just makes you wonder, the law is made for women.

I am just worried if I go to prison (first offence) or what will happen. i dont even have money for a lawyer or anything.

[Yggdrasil]

one minute she wants me, loves me, the next she doesnt... then blames me for being on a rollercoaster of emotions!

she threw a metal can at me a while ago, as we were playing with each other/teasing each other which she knew very well... but something got to her to do this, however I never called the police or anything.

even before, when I wanted to go/leave the place, she tried to block my way to get out and even pushed/pinned me on the bed.... but i never did anything about it.

These are all clear signs of a controlling and abusive person. Believe me if I tell you, in the long run, you will be better of without her in your life.

Sometimes you simply fall for the wrong person.

All I can suggest is to educate yourself on the topic of emotional, verbal, sexual and physical abuse, so that you will be able to recognize any signs of such early in any relation and have the ability to protect yourself from getting involved with those kind of people.

I am just worried if I go to prison (first offence) or what will happen. i dont even have money for a lawyer or anything.

I wouldn't worrie to much about that, just stay far far away from her. If you have to communicate with her in person, make sure you have a friend with you who can witness the entire event.

Definitely don't try to 'fix' this relation or return to it. I understand that may be emotionaly painfull, but you have to understand that in the long run, you'll be a lot better of without her.

[Tech]

I know I am not even going to talk to her, infact I cant even if I wanted to and wont.

just worried about what will happen at the magistrates court. I am not guilty but I have to plead guilty so the punishment is less. Reason I dont want to say that I am not guilty is because of women and the case would be dragged on and on... something I dont want.

[Yggdrasil]

Well I suggest you talk to a laywer firts. Many laywers give you one initial free hour for advice. I would use such free hour to explain the situation and ask what my options are.

A hug is hardly sexual harrasment, nor is it physical abuse. Preventing her from turning your back to you, and thus touching her, would be restraining at best. Again no physical abuse involved there, no matter how she twists or turns it. So in my opinion, she better have bruises and a doctors note stating so, if she wants to play that game.

You always can play the ball back and say that you were so emotionaly messed up, you were temporary unable to use common sense and reason and logic (aka temporary insanity)... hey, two can play that game. If she can exagerate, so can you. Right? Additionaly, you can claim emotional abuse on her end.

Anyways, if I would be in your shoes, I wouldn't let her get away with it. But that's me and I am an asshole.

Maybe read this: [url]http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm[/url]