Hi, need opinions....please...

[lotusblossom]

Hi, new here and confused. I am female, in my 40's. My H and I are going to divorce and it is an amicable parting. No children. We have been married 3 years.

I am on Facebook, and I get an email from a guy that I grew up with and briefly dated after high school. We start catching up over the course of a few months and one thing leads to another and we become intimate. The thing is, he is in a 10 year long, live-in relationship with his GF. They have a 5 y/o daughter. He recently found out that on several occasions over the past 10 years, his GF has cheated on him with different men. He has only cheated with me, and that is because he says he never forgot about me and has thought about me over the years.

What I want to know is, if he is so mad at his GF, why does he stay with her/allow her to continue to live with him? She says she is sorry, but he is still so pissed at her and threatens to throw her out, but he worries about his daughter. He wants his daughter to live with him and not her, because he is afraid that his GF will not be a good influence on her. He does say that he loves her, but can't trust her. I really feel like she is walking all over him!

I know that what he and I are doing is not right either, but he and I seem to have a connection that is still going after all these years. They went through a separation earlier this year, so their relationship has been on the rocks for quite some time, but he seems to have been in denial about it until now.

Any advise would be helpful....

[miSSleepy]

You answered your own question - he's still with her because of his daughter.
Now, you need to make him decide whether he's with you or with her. He needs to sort that out first before you two can have anything. There's no use trampling over their already fragile home, especially with the child.

[Zoe]

Hi. It sounds like he is settling to me. He is not happy with her and definitely does not trust her to be true to him or be a good parent. I think he is just staying there bc of:

1. the child
2. and possibly a comfort thing. Making big changes as you get older is hard. You did not mention how his financial situation is.

I think if you allow it to go any further, he will continue to have that relationship with you. I know it is hard to bring it up, especially when there is a child involved, but I think you need to be clear that you have strong feelings for him, but will not be able to continue as it is. It sounds like he is not addressing the situation and unless he is pushed I am not sure he will.

Hope that helps.