Please Help!

[mantelk]

Hi, I am stuck very badly and confused so I'd appreciate any advice. I have been with my gf for about 5 years now. My life has been a roller coaster mostly going down during this time (not cuz of me and her). I have loved her since the beginning but we have been together for a long time and I wanted to get engaged with her just alittle while ago and I still do but my problem is I have never been with any other girl and although I would never cheat and I don't see myself ever breaking up with her, I feel like a caged animal sometimes. I basically feel like I have to bone another girl just keep this relationship alive. I have been with her since I was very young. And I know that I found one of those special girls you'd wanna make your wife but at the same time I feel very jealous of others recently and let's just say the Western life is not really made to support relationships. The Western life is designed around single people. Specially at a younger age. It's been a long time and it is getting ridiculous that I still haven't gotten engaged to her. I am just way too confused. It's like this, we are not similar, we are quite opposite to be honest but we love each other completely. I just want to know how can I get over the idea of needing to be with other girls. I am a man. Of course that is a need and desire for all guys for their whole life but more for me because I won't cheat and I won't lie. Many people do that like it's nothing but my gf does not deserve that. She has been nothing but support and kindness. Basically I know what I want (to be with her and happy) but how do I reach that mental state to have that. Relationships take talking and compromise but there are things like this that you cannot speak to her about. How do I get over the I am going to be a one girl guy forever. Please leave comments. Thanks.

[EndlessRomantic]

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are feeling like this now, you will feel like this again, and again. You might find a way to get over the feeling, but eventually it'll come back.

I'm not saying dump your girl and go do the single life, but a question i'll ask you is : How can you be sure shes the one, if you've never met anyone else?

To be honest, sure she is the kind of girl you'd marry, but so are most girls.
You have to ask yourself, Will i regret this one day? You are young only once.

Can you live with that feeling all you life?

Personnally, I once was a one girl guy for a good portion of my youth. When it ended, Realized I needed to be out there to really know what I wanted in life.

Just a thought.

[mantelk]

To be honest I do know myself relationship-wise. I haven't stayed with her all these years because I had to. I wanted to. I, like my father am one of those guys that will be very in love and then lose passion after a relatively long time. We were both virgins when we met too. I am not gona find a girl so clean and pure anywhere. And if we do break up I know for a fact after about a year I will miss and regret her but who know where she will be at that point. It is like those highschool sweetheart situations. It is alittle more complicated than that.

[girl68]

I agree with Endless. If you feel like this now, you will again.

You continue to counter your argument.

You have one single question to ask yourself:
Are you willing to take the chance? (as in to find someone better)

For a very long, long time- I was like you. And for about 5 years I was not willing to take the chance. My bf (now ex) was my first, and everything a girl could possibly want in a partner and husband. We were also polar opposites. I felt like you did many, many times. I over came those feelings numberous times. But like Endless said... the feeling always came back.

After 5 years of this, I decided to take the chance to see if there was better. There was. I am now with the man that I will marry.

I should note that I believe the following:
-when one is completely satisfied with the relationship one does not wonder, one is not curious, one does not have doubts.
-there IS more than 1 person on the face of the earth that could make you completely happy. I believe there are many people that could be "the one".
-"the one" is the one with whom you have no doubts, no wondering, no curiosity... the one is the one you meet where you want to meet no others.

Think about that for a minute.

[mantelk]

I don't know I guess this isn't the right forum this time to ask about this. What I need is more like a marriage counseling place (even though we are not married). We have been through sooo much together. I just wanted advice of how to keep the flame going. With all we have been through in our personal lives during this time, it's like we have been going out for 15 years.

[girl68]

Now you're talking about losing the flame which again counters your first post.

Having doubts/ curiosity is pretty different than having lost the spark. It could be related sure, but it sure doesn't sound like that's the root cause.

Seek help, that's a great idea. But don't count out what we've said here. I've been through what seems very similar to what you describe- and you've pretty much dismissed my points because it isn't what you wanted to hear.

[mantelk]

I think you know where I am coming from better now. Like I said I am very confused right now. This forum was my first way to get help. My brother passed away when we were going out. It is not the fact that I haven't been with anyone else and it is not the fact that I don't love her but we have been through so much together that our love grew old unbelievable soon. It's like the weight of the world went on both our shoulders and it is always very appealing and I guess the easy selfish way out (which I know I'd regret in the long run) for me to to just end it and go get with some girls and feel better for a while. It is not about something I don't wanna hear. I appreciate your help .

[girl68]

Think very hard about the points I'm about to list.

-sometimes love isn't enough.
I mean I loved my ex, like I said the greatest guy a girl could want. He really was that great, but that sense of missing something was overwhelming at times. 5 years I ignored it, but it kept coming back. No matter how much I loved him that isn't what keeps too people together, there's much more than love to keep love alive.
-being through a lot doesn't mean to have to stay forever.
Because lots of couples go through lots, and it's impossible not to have been through life altering events together if you've been with your partner for years and years. But even that, I still don't think that's enough to keep the couple strong.

My 2 cents...