Still single after all these years

[MikeL]

well one interest you have is girls i assume? so in that case go to places where girls will be. cooking classes, gym, yoga, fitness classes, cycling classes, language classes, library, the mall...

Well I have a membership to a gym but I haven't gone yet I just can't stand when I see someone that's nice my mom starts judging right away.

[MikeL]

So I was told to check out this cute girl that works at the gym I have a membership to but haven't gone to yet.. I want to update my look before I go..

But one person said to me she might be too cute for you?? How does one become too cute for someone?? Sure I act nerdy like but I don't understand that saying.

[girl68]

Perhaps that person was saying she could have ANY man because she's so cute- so why'd she pick you? But what I said isn't as nice sounding as "she's too cute for you".

[MikeL]

I see... If I ever stop by I will check I've ran into a few of them girls who I've heard that said about them and they all seem conseeded.

[girl68]

You just judged the way you are judged... how do you think people see YOU? I mean I don't know you in real life I can only recall a few pics. You seem terribly insecure, and geeky. And generally that's not appealing. Also you attitude about "I'm still single poor me". What HAVE you done? I know you wanted to change your look. Style wise and phyically... you haven't gone to the gym nor have you changed your style and if I recall this was many, many months ago. So WHEN exactly are you going to be proactive... because it hasn't happened yet.

[MikeL]

I'm on vacation this coming week but the fact that I get off work and drained the gym is the last place I want to go to.. style was not always my thing I only dress up when I have a event to go to otherwise I just dress in plain stuff I've been told by some friends I should update but whenever I do I have them telling me "man you look preppy" or too overdressed..

sometimes I like to change up..

[Asip4u]

You should not listen to what this other person says Mike. "She might be too cute for you", that's exactly the type of comment your enemy will tell you just so he goes after the same girl. I'm not saying this guy is but people usually think of themselves first..Listen, just be more confident and take a chance here. Whats the worst that could happen? She turns you down, it's not the end of the world. I see all these loser looking guys with hot girls and you don't even look like one of them so don't pay attention to what others tell you..Grow some balls and go for it!

[merdene]

If you don't change ur style drastically you will never get a nice girl. It's the truth. Some of these people are saying complete bullshit. You seem don't have the guts to man up and make convo with a girl. So how are you expecting to find a girlfriend. Let alone finding a decent nice girl. I see you as weak, and not confident. God how come you don't even know to dress properly. No hope for you if u stay like this.

[MikeL]

If you don't change ur style drastically you will never get a nice girl. It's the truth. Some of these people are saying complete bullshit. You seem don't have the guts to man up and make convo with a girl. So how are you expecting to find a girlfriend. Let alone finding a decent nice girl. I see you as weak, and not confident. God how come you don't even know to dress properly. No hope for you if u stay like this.

Like I said I only dress up on events.. other days I dress in plain clothes... and as far as starting a convo I will if I find something in common

[MikeL]

You should not listen to what this other person says Mike. "She might be too cute for you", that's exactly the type of comment your enemy will tell you just so he goes after the same girl. I'm not saying this guy is but people usually think of themselves first..Listen, just be more confident and take a chance here. Whats the worst that could happen? She turns you down, it's not the end of the world. I see all these loser looking guys with hot girls and you don't even look like one of them so don't pay attention to what others tell you..Grow some balls and go for it!

most looser guys are hit it n' quit it?

[MikeL]

Time to work out on Monday.. I just don't know if I can work out from 5:30 am to 9.. trying to tone the body again.. I just hope getting protein is not going to be all from potatoes! spent almost $60 on some stuff to work out in but I guess I need to go out and buy a duffel bag since i swore I had one here.. the funny thing is word has it from someone who works at the job they all expect me to be some large built guy haha

[the_robot]

Time to work out on Monday.. I just don't know if I can work out from 5:30 am to 9..

Workout for 3 hours and a half without having worked out in a while is insane.. take it easy man, you may be able to take it once you are used to it, but you can't work out like that on your first day..

[MikeL]

Yeah I know I can't work out that long.. but I don't know it might not be that bad since working 5 days out of the week I'm lifting 60 lb boxes.. I wanna tone my abs

[1averagejoe]

I didn't read all 6 pages of your thread but from what I gathered I can give you enough advice.

Let me start by saying your self esteem has a lot to do with how women perceive you as attractive. You ever wonder why you see some butt ass ugly guys with gorgeous girls? They aren't paying them to be with them...except maybe the rich old farts with gold diggers. It's because of their personality. Sure you may not be the best looking, strongest, most physically attractive but your personality generally outshines the physical aspect. My best friend is probably the most talkative person and friendliest guy you'll ever know. Girls LOVE him. He's about 5'3" average build, average looks, but super friendly. He's gotten with some absolutely good looking girls before that were at least a head taller than him. All because of his personality.

Now I understand that it's easier to say than do. It takes time and practice. I'm not an expert but in the last year I've made huge improvements. A lot of it is just trying to be outgoing to everyone. Not just the girls you like. Be friendly and sociable to everyone you run into. Start off with just saying hi to random people. Probably one of the best places I've found to practice this is at hiking trails. I don't know if there's any near you but almost everyone is super friendly and it's almost the norm to say hello to everyone you pass by. If you don't say "hi" chances are they will and you'll be forced to say hello as well. Plus there's usually some good looking girls out hiking as well. Another good place to practice is a dog park if you've got a dog. People that love dogs, generally are very friendly to other dog owners and being that you have something in common (dogs) you already have something to approach and talk to them about.

Join some clubs or organizations, take up dancing. This was a big step for me. Dancing forces you into these social situations, and generally speaking most the people are usually friendly as well.

Now for the actual physical aspect of things:
Working out plays a large role in your self esteem. I've recently started weight lifting and everyone has pointed out how much bigger I am. Hearing those comments from people is encouraging and it sort of boosts your self esteem. Another thing is take up a sport if you can. Find a coed league, whether it be soccer, basketball, baseball, volleyball, etc...coed leagues are generally less aggressive for beginners and there's girls you can socialize with as well in a less threatening environment.

Don't take this the wrong way, but to be honest you sound like a big scared, nerd. This is coming from the guy that used to be 5'9" and under 130lbs and is an engineering student. lol I don't expect that you make changes any time soon because it does take time and lots of practice to sort of break out of your shell, but you need to start somewhere.

Lastly as for the "She might be too cute for you" that's a load of bs. The mentality you have to have is "no girl is too good for me" and that "she is not out of my league." I know it sounds crazy, but behind those good looks is just another person that may like you for who you are.

[MikeL]

Funny you should say about just saying hi I find that sometimes I will get people that walk up to me asking me to help them or read something or whatever haha and taking up dancing I dunno I can't dance.. and one thing I noticed looking at most online dating sites is most ladies list they love to dance so I fall short on that.. Not that I can't learn...

I see your weight is almost about mine I'm 5'9" and 124 Lb (just weighed myself)

Also another thing that might help is hanging around different people because you can only say hello to the same people so many times out of the year, everyone says when I'm working or fixing something or I always look so serious and they don't know if they should bother me or not.

All i can hope is when I run into someone I hope she is level headed...